Finding Heaven
by utsubame
Summary: [COMPLETED] Disillusioned and betrayed, Duo thought his new client was a Godsend, but for how long? He learns that nothing is forever AU 1x2
1. Down memory lane, and it sucks

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Prologue: Down Memory Lane, and it sucks

It was completely ironic. The last time we met was at a hospital. After three years, we meet again, at a hospital. Come to think about it, it was the same freaking one as well. Fates sure play a twisted game. He looked no different than he had three years ago, but definitely looking much better than the pale faced figure reclined on that bed back then. Yes, that's right, the last time we met he was the one stuck in this God damned bed, and now it was my turn.

If the Fates could be killed, they would have died twice over now.

He stood outside the door, unsure of whether to enter or not. I noticed his indecision but sat back to watch what he would do. Besides, it hurt too much to talk right now. I shifted my eyes from him to stare at the small container with my daily dose of pain pills in it. If I took it, the pain would go away and then again, so would my awareness and therefore, what was left of my ever dwindling life.

My pills seemed like to have multiplied for some reason. When I first came to the hospital, there were about five different pills that the doctors insisted I should take. Within a few days and what seemed like an eternity of tests, my five lonely little pills decided to create a fivesome amongst themselves. I thought the pink little one in the corner looked a little plump, but it turned out that it was just pregnant, along with the yellow one next to it. The other pills stayed far away what seemed to be hormonal overload from two other expecting pills and returned only when they had safely given birth.

I thought the pink pill looked demurely proud holding the little white pill that was its offspring cuddled against it.

Did I mention I was going insane as well?

Anyways, as I was saying, my doctors decided that I somehow needed more medication and voila, the little cup got fuller and fuller each day while my mind got fuzzier and fuzzier. I hated this loss of control, but my _saviours decided that it was necessary. I had taken to throwing the medication away recently and so far, no one was the wiser. _

_No, I decided. A little pain was bearable. Only, the pain was no longer little. Day by day, it got worse, eating away my insides, making me less than I was. _

And it hurt.

It hurt to realize that Duo Maxwell wouldn't die in a huge bang but quietly, wasting away in a hospital bed. 

"Duo," he said, quietly. Apparently, he decided to come in. 

Ah, well.

I turned my eyes from the unseemly preoccupation of my nightstand to gaze deeply into Cobalt blue eyes that I had thought I would never see again, or wanted to see again. He had not changed much in those agonizing three years. A little more filled out perhaps, eyes a little more haunted but he was the same Heero Yuy I knew, the same Heero Yuy I fell in love with four years ago.

"Hi," I greeted, a smile plastered on my face. These smiles were getting harder and harder to put on as the pain got more and more vicious.

Heero Yuy, love of my life, asshole of the century. He rocked my world and then turned it into a freaking nightmare. Even through all that, I loved him. Couldn't forget him, freaking _forgave_ him before he even asked for it.

Actually, he never asked for it. I did it anyway. 

Am I pathetic or what?

Heero sat in a chair that was permanently situated by my bedside ever since my long lost buddy, the famous billionaire Mr Quatre Winner decided that my life or what's left of it, was his personal affair. He came by an  average of once a day to provide 'moral support'. How much support do you need to die? Maybe he would arrange a cheerleading squad one day to cheer me into oblivion. Hmm, that would be kind of interesting I guess. Better yet, a full orchestra to serenade me while I choke on the last few breaths in my lungs. That would have to be priceless. Sweet as he was, I felt he had the weirdest outtakes on certain aspects of life.

"How… When…" He started a few times, only to clam up, blushing profusely and only managed a weak,"Hi."

I shifted in my bed, trying to find a more comfortable position and to get away from the waves of agony now trying to eat out my soul, unable to hide a grimace.

Heero was instantly on his feet, at my side, hovering like a mother hen. "Are you alright? Do you need any medication?" He snagged the container by the bedside and a glass of water.

I held my hand out to stop the rambling. I concentrated on myself, trying to push the pain away, receding into the background. It worked to some degree and I thank Gods for Wufei's breathing exercises. He maybe a bit of a tight ass in most cases, but my friend was one fabulous yoga instructor.

"How have you been Heero?" I asked, settling against the pillows a very concerned ex-boyfriend, or was it ex- fiancé arranged for me. I could see from the tense lines on his face that he still wanted very much to coddle and push the pills into me, but the harsh expression I schooled my face into brook no disobedience. 

He sat back down, pills and water still in hand, his beautiful blue eyes staring blankly on the ground. He mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, but I think my illness has ruined my ears," I quipped easily. "I didn't hear a thing you just said."

His head snapped up at the joke about me being sick, the pained expression in clear Cobalt blue almost my undoing. I wanted too much to wrap him in my arms and tell him that everything was going to be just fine. But that would be lying, and I _never_ lie.

Everything would never be fine again.

He was still staring at me, a host of emotions playing on his face. It was as if he wasn't sure what to feel, but three emotions played dominant. 

Pain, sadness, and guilt. 

Pain for me, sadness that I am dying and guilt for letting me deal with it alone for so long.

"I'm sorry, Duo," he cried, dropping the pills and cup onto the floor and flinging into my arms, sobbing harshly. "I am so damn sorry."

It felt right, so right. Not the fact that he was sobbing like a baby, dripping snot onto my thin hospital issue gown. That was just gross and I don't think I want to go there anymore, but his body pressed so close to mine, my hand rubbing his back, soothing him, comforting him. It was so familiar. So nice. 

It was as if the four years that had nearly ruined me never happened.

tbc or not tbc?

Fanfic authors, especially this one, has no money, depends on review to be converted as money to buy food. Therefore, please donate to the down and out authors fund to keep author fed, to keep story going.


	2. Wedding pictures, brides and grooms

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part One: Wedding pictures, brides and grooms

_Four years ago_

He was called Max, photographer extraordinaire. His assignments were mostly for top fashion houses and his work could be found everywhere. People flocked to his studio hoping for a rare glimpse at the handsome young photographer or better yet, get him to agree to photograph something other than leggy models.

His real name was Duo Maxwell, street rat and pickpocket extraordinaire. He was an orphan and had no past. It had taken more than eight years to slowly bury his past, to forget himself. He had placed layers and layers upon his old self that he couldn't remember how he actually was before he was picked up and formally adopted.

Or so he told himself.

Part of him would _never_ forget living on the streets, _never_ forget living hand to mouth, _never_ forget life.

Buried along with his past, was his pain and he had taken to living with a perpetual jester grin on his face. No one saw beyond the smile, beyond the whirlwind of activity that made up Duo Maxwell.

"Max… Max, hey Max!" Someone yelled.

Duo started, jerked from melancholic thoughts to the present and he smiled up at his assistant, Hilde. "Sorry, just spacing for a while."

Hilde sighed, shaking her head as if resigned. "Are you done with the clean up?" Hilde peered over his shoulder at the laptop screen. "That bitch has been calling all morning for the first draft."

Duo sighed, rubbing a hand wearily over tired violet eyes. "Relena Peacecraft is a pain in the ass, and you can, no, you must quote me."

Hilde giggled softly. "I thought you were going to kill her the last time she called to tell you she changed her wedding gown _again._"

"She has changed her stupid wedding gown four times. Four times. Four wedding gowns. Do you know how expensive those stupid things are?" Duo's frugal sensibilities were suitably shocked.

"You didn't have to agree to the assignment you know," Hilde reasoned.

Duo shrugged. "It was a slow week."

Yeah, right, slow week. It had been years since Max Studios had a slow _day, much less a slow week. After being in business for more than three years, Max had been the most sought after photographer for all major fashion houses. Duo had managed to balance his time, rejecting certain jobs to ensure he didn't fall over from exhaustion. But for the past few months, he had been working himself hard, driving himself closer and closer to the edge. He needed the distraction, needed to take his mind off the turmoil in his life. He needed to forget the fact that the one person he trusted most in his life had betrayed him. The man whom he thought he could spend the rest of his life with was found wrapped in the arms of another and wearing little else._

Suddenly, the airy office with huge windows became stifling and Duo was overwhelmed with the desire get out of there.

"I'm going for a walk," Duo said, lunging suddenly from his chair. A wave of dizziness swamped him unexpectedly, and he heard Hilde calling his name from far away, an annoying ringing resounding in his ears. When the wave passed, he found himself back in his chair, Hilde hovering close by.

"Boss? Are you okay?" Hilde peered worriedly at her boss's ashen face.

Duo lowered his head into raised hands. "Yeah," he mumbled. "I think I need more sleep and to stand up slower."

"You don't look so good, Duo." Hilde still looked worried and the use of her boss's real name only enhanced that concern. Duo was Max to those in the industry and Hilde knew better than to call him something else but only let it slip when she was really worried about her normally perky boss.

"Don't worry, Hilde. I'm fine," he forced a smile for his dark haired assistant. "I just need some air, I'll be fine." He got up again, slowly this time, testing his legs. After making sure they were not going to buckle, he stepped around Hilde and walked towards the door. "Take any messages and if Ms Peacecraft calls back, tell her to shove it."

Duo stepped into the warm sunshine of the late summer evening taking a deep breath. It was a beautiful day. He walked around the block towards the park not far from his office, his mind still on one Miss Relena Peacecraft. The Peacecrafts were a high profile family and descendant from some weird European royalty or other. Born to privilege and raised that way as well. Ms Peacecraft had tracked Max down a few weeks ago after a very public announcement of her impending marriage to another privileged brat from the Lowe family, another old and royal line. Duo had not seen the articles on them, of course, being totally not interested in the society page and not needing it to do his job well. He had not intended to agree to the assignment, brushing off Ms Peacecraft, no Relena, as a wilful and spoilt brat, which she was. Unfortunately for him, Relena was someone who didn't understand the word no.

Stalkers should take lessons from this woman. Somehow, she found his home address, which he guarded with his life and staked it out until he got home from another assignment.

"Max," a shrill voice called out from behind Duo as he fumbled with his keys and the many bags that housed his photography equipment.

"Ms Peacecraft," he turned smiling. "How may I help you?" They had met only once before, at his office when she had gushed on and on about how talented he was and how he _must_ take her wedding pictures for her.

"You are a hard person to keep track of," Relena flipped her long blond hair over her shoulder, her ice blue eyes raking up and down Duo's body, judging him and seemed to like what she saw.

Duo felt himself stiffen slightly, but he knew he was an attractive man. He had enough offers both from men and women alike. He was not overly tall, his somewhat nourishment deprived childhood ensured that he would not be taller than 5 feet 7, but he was lean and well muscled, despite habitual binges on sugar, junk food and chocolate. Must be his over active metabolism. Many called him a work of art, with a delicate heart shaped face, soft lips and deep violet eyes. His hair was a rich chestnut, bound in a tight braid that hung down his back reaching just the top of his hips. His signature. Max's signature, Duo Maxwell's momento mori. He has never thought himself as handsome, beautiful or anything as such, nobody had made him feel like he was, except for _him_, then Duo got his heart ripped out.

"What do you want, Ms Peacecraft?" Duo asked tiredly, too exhausted to try to be polite. He stood just outside his door and made no move to enter his apartment.

"It's Relena," Miss Ice-Queen corrected, smiling disarmingly at Duo. She raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you inviting me in?" 

"No, my home is my private affair. I don't bring business into it. If you want to speak to me about your wedding pictures, we can make another appointment tomorrow." Duo dismissed Relena and turned his back on her.

"No, Max, I _won't_ make another appointment which you have _no_ intention to keep," Relena said, firmly. "I can pay you well Max, you are the best. And the Peacecrafts only get the best."

Duo had the grace to blush. He had been avoiding her like the plague, making appointments before cancelling through her secretary to avoid speaking to her. He stared into seemingly sincere blue eyes and felt himself caving. There was no way he was able to withstand such a wistful look in those eyes. It's just another assignment, what harm would it do? Besides, having someone like the Peacecrafts as an acquaintance wouldn't do too much harm to his reputation.

"Fine," Duo agreed, not knowing then what a _huge_ mistake it would be.

In the weeks that followed his flippant agreement, he had come to hate Relena Peacecraft with a vengeance. Everything had to be just right, everything wasn't at all right even if Duo insisted it would be as right as it ever will be. If murder wasn't an offence, Relena Peacecraft would be dead twice over. She had changed her dressmakers four times, her makeup artist another three and her wedding date twice. Duo was surprised she didn't change the groom as well.

Heero Yuy Lowe. 

That name brought a small pang of pain. He was the most gorgeous man Duo has ever seen in a long time and he was marrying someone that didn't have Maxwell as a last name. That was worse than the fact that he was straight. Duo remembered the first time he met Heero about a month ago when Relena had dragged the stoic man in. Hilde had to remind him to pick his eyes up from the floor while his assistant worked to reposition his unhinged jaw. He had been that close to drooling over the messy crop of brown hair and the deepest blue eyes this side of the summer sky. The said fiancé looked like a smile was a foreign expression to him and Duo believed he could count all the words Heero spoke during the day, on one hand. From that day on, the photographer looked forward to Relena's sessions, even if he didn't want to see the woman all that much. His heart sped up at the thought of seeing Heero again. 

Duo knew he was a sucker for punishment but he had always pined for something that he can't have. Somehow, knowing that he can't have it, therefore, can't be hurt by it was much safer than taking the plunge. He had taken extra care in cleaning up the pictures with Heero in it, and had a copy of the stoic man's personal portrait in his wallet. Yes, that sounded absolutely desperate, but Duo could care less. There was a small Heero Yuy shrine in his home and another one in his dark room, two places that were strictly off limits to anyone but him.

He saw Heero check him out a couple of times but Duo put it off as wishful thinking. After all, that man was marrying a woman in another few months.

Duo quickly found his favourite bench in the park and settled himself on it, leaning back and letting the warm breeze take his troubles away. He knew part of his depression was due to the whole Heero issue. He personally didn't believe in love at first sight, hell, he didn't even believe in _love_ anymore, but every time Heero stared at him with those dark blue eyes and he felt his heart clench for something more than just a look.

"Max?" A familiarly quiet voice called out.

"Heero," Duo winced, unable to mask the surprised joy and excitement in his tone. Idiot, he berated himself. This guy was straight. "Fancy meeting you here." _More like fancy meeting you without something hanging onto your arm, he thought._

Heero smiled. "Yeah, needed some time away from…." He cut himself off abruptly. "Work," he finished lamely.

Inwardly, Duo smiled. _Needed some time away from Relena, don't we?_ This was the first time he saw the serious man smile and not the slight smirk variety that seemed like second nature to him around his fiancée.

"It that a reserved seat, or is it still open to public?" Heero lifted a well sculpted brow at the bench Duo was currently hogging.

Duo scooted over, leaving a space for the other man. "Sorry."

"You look tired," Heero turned and stared hard at the smaller man, taking in the dark circles under expressive violet eyes and the pale face.

"Probably because I am," Duo admittedly candidly. "Your wife is driving me up the wall with her fickleness with wedding dresses."

"She isn't my wife yet," Heero muttered somberly, good humour vanished in an instant.

Duo was shocked into speechlessness. Damn if he didn't hear a tone of resentment at Relena being referred to as the other man's wife. And they appeared to be such a perfect couple.

"Hey, I'm sorry man. For what, I don't really know," Duo admitted, more than a little confused.

Heero sighed. "No, I should be apologising, not you. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

Duo turned away from the raw pain in those Cobalt depths, unsure of what to say to Heero and yet driven by the desire to comfort him.

The other man stared at the back of Max's head, eyes roaming freely over the long braid he had admired for weeks. He fantasized what it would be like free from its binding, liken a silken chestnut waterfall, flowing over his naked chest. Shit, this was getting bad. The braided photographer had been haunting his dreams since the day they met and prolonged interaction with each other had only heightened Heero's desire. He wondered briefly how Relena would react when he finds out that her future husband prefers men as bed partners. He shuddered to think how his father would react.

Odin Lowe, the man responsible for most of his decisions in his life, including the one to marry into the Peacecrafts. It was a strategic business decision and nothing to do with Heero happiness. For years, he had been taught to be perfect in everyway. To be the best, and being a homosexual was not exactly what his father had in mind, maybe being the perfect homosexual. 

He laughed softly to himself.

The other man's head whipped around at that sound only to find his movements somewhat restricted.

"Ow," Duo looked down to see his braided being possessively held by the other man. He slowly looked up into the other's eyes, a slow blush creeping up his cheeks. 

Heero released the braid as if it was a snake and matched the fiery expression colouring the photographer's cheeks. "I… I… got to go." He got up from the bench and walked as fast as he could without seeming as if he was running. Gods, who was he kidding, he was running. As much as he wanted to, he didn't look back.

_Why are my pants ringing? Duo thought absently, before realising it was his cell phone._

"Take five ladies," he called out to the troupe of models he was photographing and picked up the call. It was a private number. "Hello?" He asked cautiously.

"Uhm…" One word, more a slight grunt than a word, but the very sound of that voice sent a shaft of pure joy vibrating through Duo.

_It's Heero, he thought. _How did he get my number?__

_It's on your business card you fool, his mind scolded._

"Heero?" Duo winced at the _joy_ in his voice. Isn't that a huge tip off that he was lusting over another person's intended? Get a grip idiot.

"Hi Max," the voice said pleasantly, still a little nervous. "I called to… I.. I'm sorry."

That was new. "Sorry, for what?" Duo was confused. 

"About the whole… uhm…" Heero faltered. "Braid thing."

Duo smiled, feeling relieved. "Oh, don't worry about it, I've had my braid yanked a couple of times nothing too big a deal. Besides, I kind of liked having you hold me braid like that. Makes me feel kind of safe and……" _Shit! Did my freaking mouth run off again? __This is bad, must get off the phone, must stop own humiliation. "Sorry, got to go, don't worry about it. Everything is fine. Bye." He quickly disconnected the line, his heart pounding and face flushed a deep red. _

_Gods, that was so embarrassing. He didn't blame Heero if he never came back to Max Studios again. _Hell, I wouldn't.__

A low beep from his cell phone indicated a message received. It read:

_Dinner tonight?__ Let me make it up to you? Heero._

Duo smiled.

tbc…

Reviews would be nice once in a while you know, hell screw once in a while, reviews are nice all the time

A/N: Thanks Violet_Eyes for noting the mistake, it is Max, not Duo. Author is not ready to be shot, guys, do your best.


	3. Shut up, Brian, it's a date

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Two: Shut up, Brian, it's a date

Dinner was set at 7.30 at a pretty fancy restaurant/club type thing uptown from his studio. Duo knew he was being silly but he felt anxious about the upcoming appointment. He ransacked his closet for the umpteenth time only to realise that _all_ his clothes were acceptable and he was a giggly and dizzy as a schoolgirl on a first date.

_This was not a date, this was not date._

He had been chanting that mantra for most of the night now. Or at least, his head had been chanting. His heart was screaming the fact that he was going on a date. Heart and mind then fell into a vicious brawl where the mind lost out badly and retreated for the rest of the evening to lick its wounds. Which was why Duo was grinning like a brainless idiot at the moment. In essence, for tonight, he _was _a brainless idiot. 

Finally picking out a white shirt and a pair of dark dress pants, Duo fixed his hair and waltzed out the door. He was already a little behind schedule. After all, he had forgotten how long it took to get ready for a date. 

_No, not date, dinner, NOT date, he told himself viciously. After all, he remembered how badly it hurt being betrayed. Could he do it to another person?_

He was glad Heero didn't offer to pick him up at his apartment, which Duo was seriously considering giving him the address of. He got into his car and sped towards the restaurant, his stereos blaring loudly. He knew the way to the restaurant well, even though he didn't make it a habit to frequent there. As much as he made in a month, it still didn't give him enough leeway to have dinner there like it was your neighbourhood MacDonald's. There was a long line snaking back a block as Duo neared. It was a familiar sight and he wondered how Heero was going to get them in there. It was extremely popular and reservations had to be made a few weeks before. He came to a smart stop in front of the restaurant, blushing slightly at his late model sedan amongst the more expensive sports cars. He passed his key to the car jockey, took his ticket and moved to the front entrance.

Heero had mentioned something about meeting him there, but Duo, bless his excitement, or was it, curse his excitement, didn't bother to ask where. Duo stared at the large crowd in front of the restaurant to the long line that ended a long way down the block, biting his lips indecisively. 

"You're early," Heero called from behind.

Duo whipped his head back and stared at every wet dream ever he had rolled into one. Who would have thought Mr Straight Ass would wear black leather? Duo was trying really hard to get past the leather pants that clung, oh so well to Heero's muscular legs to the slightly form fitting dark blue shirt which was left half buttoned, exposing a bronze chest. At that point, Duo knew he mind was distracted enough to only one of two things that desperately needed to be done at that very moment. 

One: Pick up eyes from floor. Going on a date with empty eye sockets just didn't do anything for the appetite.

Two: Wipe drool from chin while forcing jaw shut. Gaping and drooling was so not attractive.

He was still trying to decide which one to accomplish when Heero stepped up to him with an almost amused smile and closed his jaw with a slim finger. 

Heero leaned over, casually and whispered, "You look pretty hot yourself," before turning towards the entrance, where he was recognised almost immediately. He got the two of them into the restaurant/club, call it whatever you want, Duo called it damned expensive, within minutes and was seated a private table out of the way of the larger crowd and the music blaring from the speakers from the 'club' side of the restaurant.

During that time, the only thing that ran through Duo's mind was 'Shit, is this really happening to me?'

"So, would you like some wine?" Heero offered, perusing through the wine list.

Duo was still somewhat shell shocked and continued to stare at Heero.

"Max!" Heero laughed and that served to snap Duo out of his daze, or whatever you called staring at someone and gaping like a goldfish.

"You should laugh more often," Duo told him quietly. It made Heero look years younger.

Heero quirked a small smile. "Not much to laugh about."

They were interrupted when a waiter came to take their order. Duo let Heero order for him, and sat back, watching the other man that seemed so at ease in this setting. 

"Tell me about yourself," Heero said, after the waiter left with their order, taking a small sip of water.

_This is where thing get awkward, Duo thought. "What do you want to know?" He countered, pasting on a bright smile that didn't reach his eyes. There were a few things that he never spoke of, and his past was one of them. He wasn't sure where Heero was going to go with that line of questioning, but sooner or later, his past would be brought up. _

Heero stared at Max for a while, taking in the brilliant smile which was at odds with the almost strained look in the other man's eyes. Shit, he had clumsily wandered into dangerous territory. "Well," Heero cleared his throat. "I have always wondered how it would feel like having a dozen gorgeous models bending at your very command," he smiled evilly.

Duo released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Somehow, Heero got it, he freaking got the message. Once again, Duo was forced re-evaluate Heero's perceptive ability. Well, the man was a businessman, and if Quatre was a good example, the man opposite him was extremely perceptive. That means he wouldn't be prying into areas where he wasn't welcome, but would also know his weak spots. Inwardly, Duo sighed. Everything was a freaking trade off. Spend time with the man, let him know your deepest inner most secrets. Don't spend time with the man, spend the rest of the photo session with his fiancée checking out his ass. 

_Hey, Duo thought brightly, __not too bad._

"Well," Duo told Heero self deprecatingly, trying to turn his thoughts back to what was an evening filled with possibilities. "It helps that I don't have any vested interest in them bending over personally. The girls know me too well." He blushed for some reason, not really wanting to admit to Heero that he was homosexual. 

_Oh, come on, Duo Maxwell, his mind chided him, back from licking its wounds to throw in a sucker punch. __It's not like no one knows you like men. Hell, the entire fashion industry knows. _

Heero sat forward, with an even more mischievous glint in his cobalt blues. "I meant the male models."

Duo wondered if anyone had ever perished, choking on his own saliva. Once again, he got the whole fish impersonation down pat, trying to catch his breath, while Heero came over and started patting him on the back. He realised belatedly that Heero was trying to tell him that he was gay too. What a minute, so what was he doing with Relena Peacecraft?

"Sorry," Duo apologised sheepishly after he got his breath. "Thank God I wasn't eating or drinking." This Heero Yuy was a different Heero Yuy Duo was used to. This Heero Yuy actually had a sense of humour.

Heero shrugged nonchalantly. "Not to worry, Heimlich manoeuvres and mouth to mouth resuscitation are my fortes," he lifted an eyebrow… suggestively?

Duo was definitely dreaming now. At a loss of words for the first time ever, he was glad for the distraction the waiter brought, along with the food. They ate in relative silence, commenting idly on the food and other safe subjects. Duo definitely didn't want to be caught between a mouth full of food and Heero's own brand of humour. He didn't think he would live that long. No matter how blatant the joke was, Duo realised it was not right to just come out and ask Heero about his sexual preference, at least not on the first date.

_So now, it's a date, his mind, whom now Duo tagged as his stupidly logical side called Brian, nagged._

_Shut up, Duo told Brian viciously._

_Make me, Brian taunted._

Duo decided that talking to himself when he had a gorgeous specimen of man opposite him was just too ridiculous.

"What are you thinking about?" Heero asked, toying with his fork, a soft smile on his face.

"Huh?" Duo said intelligently, looking up.

"You looked like you really concentrating on something. I could almost hear the wheels of your mind clicking from here," Heero told him wryly. "Tell me if I'm boring you."

Duo's eyes widened with shock at his inappropriate obsession with Brian. "Of course not, you are the most fun I've had in months. I mean, I haven't been on a date in ages and you are so breathtaking and…."

_Shit Duo, you and your mouth, Brian chided._

_Well, I thought that my mind__ controlled my mouth, Duo shot back. __And that's where you come in._

_Nothing controls that mouth of yours, Brian mocked. _It works independently of anything remotely intelligent in your body.__

_That's what you think, Duo resisted the urge to stick out his tongue petulantly at a non existing person and realised how close he was to being utterly insane. He raised his eyes shyly to meet Heero's and found the other man sitting there with a warm smile of, well, delight. It was more than that, but Duo could only read the joy and the rest was lost in his embarrassment._

"So, how about dessert?" Heero changed the subject, judging by the deep red hue painting the other man's cheeks that this subject should be dropped delicately.

Heero found out that night that Duo and sugar should be kept as far apart from each other as possible. He was run ragged when Duo overdosed and went into a sugar high. The braided man dragged him into the club where he proceeded to dance with practically every woman that came up to them. Heero did his famous flower pot impersonation, watching Duo dance with woman and woman, most of them doing their damnest to catch the eye of what Heero thought to be the most sexy man in the entire club that night. No matter how hard he tried to be jealous of the flocking women, Heero found himself almost proud that he was on a date with Duo and no matter how much attention Duo was getting tonight, it was to Heero's side he would return.

So now it was a date? Heero shook his head giving up the pretence of an I'm-Sorry dinner or at least a guys hanging out together type of thing. He had told Duo in no uncertain terms that he found men attractive and judging by Duo's his pole axed expression earlier, the other man was trying hard to deal with it. After all, Heero was engaged to marry to a _woman._

"What are you doing just standing there?" Duo yelled at him, waving him over. "Come and have some fun!" He invited, twirling another girl in his arms.

Heero smiled faintly, declining the invitation with a slight shake of his head.

Duo shrugged in an almost 'Your loss' expression and continued to lavish his attention on the girl. The music changed, slowing and all over the crowded dance floor, dancers began pairing off. The braided man enjoyed the joy of the music running through him, but he had no intention of dancing anything slow with the girl in front of him who was looking longingly at him at the moment. He smiled, shrugging in apology and moved away, only to be stopped by a solid, _flat, chest._

"Wanna dance?" Mr Solid had wavy blond hair and blue eyes. He was also freaking towered over Duo, who felt very much like an infant in front of him.

"Thanks, but I've had enough," Duo declined, trying to get around him but was grabbed around the wrist in a painful vice. "Let go," he warned.

Mr All Brawns and No Brains, smiled, leaning close to Duo, filling the smaller man's nostril with a pungent scent of alcohol. "Come on, don't be such a tease."

"Let go," a deep dangerous voice came from behind Mr Looking In Death's Face and Don't Know It Yet and he turned to meet the avenging angel Heero Yuy.

"He's with me," Heero told the muscle bound idiot evenly. If he didn't get his paws off his Max instantly, Heero would be mopping the club's floor with his face. Wait, rewind, _his_ Max? Where the Hell did that come from? Probably the same place with 'he's on a date'.

Mr No Grey Matter paled at the look of impending death in Heero eyes and backed off, recognising danger through his alcohol infused senses.

Duo stared at the drunk freak's retreating back almost resentfully. He turned to face Heero with a mutinous expression. "I can take care of myself, Heero."

The other had the decency to blush. "I'm aware of that." And he was. Heero just couldn't stop the jealousy that shot through him when the man approached his date. He just reacted.

Duo pushed Heero aside, fully intending to leave the other man standing on the dance floor alone and was grabbed by the arm. "What?" He snapped irritably. He was gay, but by Hell, was in no way effeminate, braid aside and Heero had better understand that.

Not knowing why he did it, and knowing that it was probably a _very bad idea, Heero pulled the photographer towards him. "Dance with me," he coaxed sexily._

Lulled by the heat of Heero's chest and the intensity in those blue eyes, Duo felt his irritation melt and once again desire rose. And dance they did. The moment they stepped into each other's arms, the rest of the world faded into the background. They moved slowly, not even hearing the beat of the music. Each knew exactly where their bodies touched, hands clasping hands, shoulders touching shoulders, hips teasing hips. They felt each other's attraction through the thin cloth that separated them and they continued to move provocatively in the sea of people. They were abruptly brought back to the real world when the music stopped. Both breathing heavily, they stared deep into each other eyes, unwilling to step away and definitely refusing to let go of their touching hands.

Brian decided at that moment to smack Duo in the side of the head, bringing him back to himself. Flushing, Duo stepped back, unable to meet Heero's eyes. After all, he had just teased and flirted like a cheap harlot with Heero. 

_Harlot? Brian laughed. _You must stop reading all those Harlequin romances.__

_Put your head in the toilet and flush it, Duo countered. _

"I'm ready to go home now," Duo said, softly. He turned and walked out of the club, too embarrassed by his display earlier to actually speak directly to Heero.

"Max, wait!" Heero called, chasing after the braided photographer.

Duo passed his ticket to the car jockey who went to retrieve his car.

"Max," Heero called.

Taking a deep breath, Duo squared his shoulders and turned to Heero. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to…" Mean to what? Come on to you like a cat in heat? Grind my hips against yours as if I was branding you with myself? Damned if his pants didn't feel tight. He flicked curious violet eyes to the general area of Heero's crotch. After all, you can't hide much in leather pants, and Heero seemed _very uncomfortable at the moment._

Heero lifted Max's delicate chin to meet his eyes. "Are you saying goodnight, Max?" He leaned down, a hair's breath away from the other's lips. The other man could feel Heero's breath ghosting over his cheeks, teasing him. 

Duo pushed him away playfully and said the first thing that came to mind. "I don't kiss on the first date." Eyes widened at the realisation of what he said and he clasped his hands over his mouth in horror.

Brian was in the back of his head cackling evilly. 

Duo had never been so glad to see his car coming at him. He got in and made to wave goodbye to Heero, who waved back, smirking at him. As he pulled away from the curb, he heard Heero saying softly, "Then, I have to make sure that there will be a second date."

Duo wasn't prepared for the warmth that flooded him as he drove home, thinking about dinner. The whole night had been outwardly innocent, but there had been undertones of sexuality suffused in everything they did. That and tonnes and tonnes of hormones.

_He may be gay, but he is engaged to a woman, Brian reminded him mercilessly._

Duo was really beginning to hate Brian with a vengeance.

_You sure know how to pick them, don't you? Brian observed and Duo could only smile ruefully in agreement._

tbc…

Whoopsie, next one out. So, should be a next one?


	4. I really hate arguing

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Three: I really hate arguing

"You sure are in a good mood, boss," Hilde grinned listening to Duo hum softly while fiddling with the shots on his laptop. "Did something happen?"

Duo looked up at the dark hair girl as if contemplating to say something and then deciding against it. "Get back to work, lazy ass. I hired you for a reason."

It had been a week since their first date. Yes, Duo had finally caved and called it that. He had even managed to squash Brian rather mercilessly when he tried to laugh at Duo. Once again, his mind retreated into the back nursing a very sore kick in the stomach. 

Duo had barely made it back home when his cell phone rang that night after saying goodnight to Heero at the club. Apparently, the Japanese was true to his word and had tried to ask Duo out again. This time it was something more innocent, for a jog in the park the next evening. 

Duo had agreed; swallowing a fair amount of guilt at lusting over another's intended.

That was followed by pizza for dinner, then for a round of drinks at a bar near by. Heero came close to claiming his first kiss a few times, but Duo, or rather the cackling Brian, had been reminded constantly that _this man was engaged!  It felt like an affair, just being with Heero, just having fun with him, but Duo could imagine it as being 'hanging out with a buddy'. A damned sexy buddy, but a buddy all the same. His betrayal was still fresh in his mind and no matter how much he loathed Relena Peacecraft, he would never want another person to feel what he felt, to go through all the shit he had to go through. _

At that point, Brian was about to come out with his smart ass remarks, but was kicked in the ass by Duo. After all, they haven't done anything that remotely appeared like a date since that dinner and the slow sweet dance they had indulged in later. And that was what Duo intended for it to remain. Innocent, despite huge doses of hormone drenched innuendoes coming from both of them.

However, these little get togethers served their purpose as Duo found out he and Heero had many things in common, such as liking the same books, the same music and even the same type of cars. The main difference between the two was the fact that Heero hardly spoke more than a few words when they were in public, while Duo normally ran off at the mouth. The only time the Japanese ever unwound was when they were either in private or on the phone. His cold stoicism was usually reserved when he was in the public eye or with Relena, not being very demonstrative in public. Duo believed only he saw the gentler, tender side of Heero Yuy.

Heero was also somewhat an enigma. Duo had seen him many times with Relena when they came in for shoots. He couldn't quite reconcile that Heero Yuy and the one that went out with him countless times during the week. Actually, Duo _could _count_ them, but he didn't want Brian laughing his ass off watching. Heero Yuy with Relena was a serious and straight ass businessman. He didn't laugh, smile or show any emotion, other than a smirk that usually meant contempt, more often than not, directed at Relena. His more amicable twin showed himself when he appeared alone at Duo's studio, usually wearing casual wear. _

"Left your stick at home?" Duo had asked when he saw Heero at the entrance of his studio at closing time one day dressed in faded jeans, a comfortable polo shirt and army boots. Big change from his normal business suits.

"What stick?" Heero returned a question, thoroughly confused.

Duo grinned teasingly. "The one usually up your ass."

That earned him an affectionate smack on the side of his head. Heero then leaned over, saying softly, "I'd rather have something _else up my ass," before moving away with a smile at the flush on Duo's face._

Duo never knew how Heero can fluster him with one simple sentence, but had come to accept it as one of Heero's own brand of quirky humour. The constant sexual insinuations were wearing Duo down. He was trying hard not to be the other woman, which was a difficult endeavour, seeing that he was a _man_, but Heero was slowly chipping away at his control on his own lust and adding to the cold grasp of guilt around his heart. 

The phone ring jarred Duo out of reverie. 

"If it is the Miss Ice Queen Peacecraft, tell her to go to hell. The damned pictures are finalised." Which also meant Duo wouldn't have to see Relena hanging onto Heero's arm like he was her damned possession anymore. It also meant Duo would be seeing a lot less of Heero in the days to come. This may work out to be the best, despite the sudden pang that Duo felt.

_Would he do that? Brian asked, seriously._

_I wish I knew what he was thinking; Duo told his sub-conscious rather forlornly._

_Don't we all?_

"Boss," Hilde called out. "It's Mr Winner."

"Thanks," Duo picked up the phone and released the on hold button.

"Hey Duo," came a bright and cheery voice.

"Morning, Quatre." Duo's smiled. 

Quatre Winner, the Chairman of Winner Industries, billionaire extraordinaire and all round Mr Nice Guy, was his best friend ever since he tried to hit on the blond a few years ago. They had met at a gay bar when Duo turned sixteen, having snuck in on a dare. Quatre was several years older than the braided man but due to his some what smaller stature, Duo had thought the blond was of similar age with him. It was then he first realised his preference for men as the sight of a couple playing tonsil hockey in a dark corner gave him a hard on and endless fantasies of being a third man there. 

Of course, five years later, Quatre had somehow managed to overtake him in the growth department and was now several inches taller than the braided photographer. Duo was pretty sour about the whole thing.

"Are we on for dinner tonight?" Quatre asked, overflowing with good cheer.

Duo winced at the cheerfulness of his friend. It was his personal opinion that the blond ran on adrenaline instead of food and water, the _normal fuel like the rest of mankind._

_You run on sugar, Brian put in._

"Sure, Quat, the usual, right?" Duo said, deciding to ignore Brian.

Weekly dinners at Quatre's were a normal occurrence and it was a tradition that the businessman absolutely adhered to strictly. It was a way to keep in touch and exchange news, he said. But in Duo's opinion, it was a way to keep setting him up with strangers. At least, that was Quatre's new hobby these days ever since the break up. A major event in Duo's life which he was slowly getting over, _by himself._

_Don't forget by yourself, with Heero, Brian reminded him gleefully_

"Uh… Duo," Quatre sounded hesitant.

Alarm bells rang ominously in Duo's head. It was the normal cycle of the Big Set Up; Quatre's hesitancy before springing the Big Match Up. Then it was Duo's turn for the Big Blow Up. Duo decided to cut directly to blowing up. 

"No, Quat, no way," he all but yelled, resisting the urge to fling his phone across the room.

Silence. It was always silence. Duo wondered why Quatre don't just try heavy breathing for variety's sake.

_Your mind makes sick leaps, Brian laughed silently._

_You're my mind, Duo reminded._

Damn, guilt trip. Quatre Winner used silence as a weapon as effectively as mercenaries used guns, and with equal precision. A little too much of it would be overkill, but too little would not be effective enough. 

Duo sighed tiredly, throwing in the towel. "I'm probably going to hate him, you know." It was easier to give up than to struggle needlessly. It was just another blind date. No big deal. This would make it, oh, the fourteenth since the Big Break Up a few months ago. Thirteen idiots. All of them unable to hold a flame to the man that brutally ripped his heart out. Thirteen idiots who were definitely unable to hold a flame to one sexy, bronze god named Heero Yuy. 

"Don't worry about him," Quatre gushed, excitedly. He knew he had won, the idiot. "I think you will like him."

"Right," Duo drawled out, not completely assured. That was what his friend had said the last thirteen times. "Look, see you tonight about seven, alright? I have to get back to work." 

"Aren't you going to ask me about him?" Quatre sounded confused.

Duo laughed softly. "What for? I'll find out tonight. Besides, I don't think I'll like him." _I'm too busy lusting over one Heero Yuy,_ he thought ruefully to himself. He said a quick goodbye and got back to work.

"Big Set Up again?" Hilde guessed, seeing the mild annoyance on Duo's normally happy expression.

Duo sighed heavily. "Interfering friends." 

"They care, boss."

"How do I get them to stop?" Duo thought out loud, not really expecting an answer. He was, therefore, shocked when Hilde offered a pretty interesting suggestion.

"Why don't you go there with a date?" Her eyes twinkled with mischief. "They would definitely stop when you go there with someone hanging onto your arm."

"That's absolutely ingenious!" Duo leapt to his feet, grabbing his assistant's hands and swinging her in an impromptu jig. "Hilde, babe, I could kiss you!"

Hilde giggled, letting her boss lead her in a wild sort of crazy ass dance. "I would actually prefer a raise."

Duo levelled her a mock glare. "If your job description included butting in on your boss's life, you deserved a promotion years ago."

"Well, that's for helping," Hilde pulled her hands away, pouting at the now gleeful young man, stung.

With a speculative look, Duo settled down in his chair, starting to plan. Who would he ask to masquerade as his boyfriend?

_I can't believe you are still thinking on that, Brian was lounging somewhere at the back of Duo's mind, poking at him._

Dejectedly, Duo realised Brian was right. The only person he could imagine pulling this off with was Heero and that man was off limits, no matter how hard Heero was coming on to him. 

_But, it's just an act, Duo told himself, kicking Brian hard before he could answer. __Nothing needs to come out of this. It's not like it's going to be a date or something? Another kick, followed by a punch. _I can stay objective, I won't make it a date. Just this thing to get Quatre off my back.__

A short while later, Duo found himself at the mall, window shopping for want of a better thing to do. His mind was still in a turmoil caused by indecision on how to handle the whole Quatre situation. He decided after much pondering that he wouldn't do well with Heero pretending to be his boyfriend. As it was, he wanted most of the time to jump the man, and thinking about him as his _boyfriend was not helping his control. No, Duo decided, Heero and boyfriend were two words better not formed in one sentence._

He shook his head ruefully and headed for the wine section, hoping to find something that would suit Quatre's taste. He didn't like wine all too much, Hell, he didn't like alcohol all that much either, but it was a perception that someone like him should be able to enjoy the bouts of over indulgence after a successful shoot. Duo found hangover a pain and had perfected a ruse to appear that he seemed to be drinking himself into oblivion.

"Max?" A shocked, but happy voice called out.

Duo turned to search for the owner of the voice. "Heero?" 

Damn, the fates were sure working overtime today. Heero was the last person he wanted to see today. He wasn't too strong in his resolve yet and Brian seemed to be on a hiatus since this morning. Who the Hell was going tell him he was screwing up his life by melting when Heero smiled at him? Where was a person's sub-conscious translated into a physical being by a severely twisted mind when you needed them? Off catching imaginary butterflies somewhere, apparently.

"Fancy meeting you here," Heero announced, clearly delighted at this chance meeting. It had been a long time since they met. He could count all of those two days. Damned, if he was getting sappy. That led to more pleasantly uncomfortable thoughts of Max and sap, more like Max with nothing on but sap. A constant state of arousal that seemed a very familiar condition to Heero ever since dinner a week ago, reasserted itself at that incredibly exciting thought. 

"I was shopping for wine actually, but I have little or no experience in this," Duo smiled ruefully. "It's a gift for a friend."

"I thought to call you," Heero muttered softly, turning his eyes to the wine, helping the other man choose a decent bottle. He had been tied down in business for the past few days and a tantrum throwing Relena, thus been remiss at giving his Max a nightly ring. There it was again _his _Max. Was he really prepared for this type of relationship?

Duo felt a little trill. Heero hadn't forgotten him after all. They had been exchanging phone calls for a while now, but there had been some silence on Heero's part for the last few days. "It's all right, we are all busy. Besides, it can't be guys night out every night, right?" He kept his tone light. "Must have some time for the girlfriend as well." Duo winced. That hurt and seeing the pained expression on Heero's face, he knew it must have hurt the other man as well.

Heero seemed to be pondering over something, an adorable frown creasing his brow as he concentrated. He took a deep breath and began. "I know we have been through a couple, okay, more than a couple of these weird outings that you refuse to call dates."

"What are you trying to say?" Duo asked, keeping his eyes on the row of red and white wines lined up straight. He felt Heero's eyes on him.

"I want a second date."

Duo translated that as Heero wanting to claim his goodnight kiss, and whatever else that might follow and nearly dropped the bottle he had picked. "What?" Shock pushed his voice was several octaves higher than normal. He _never_ expected Heero to just come out and say it like this. He had been used to the man's playing around with words and hints.

_Don't tempt me, Heero Yuy, Duo thought in despair. __Don't make me the guilty one this time._

Heero smiled at the apparent speechlessness of the normally chatty young man. "Are you free for dinner tonight? I'll even throw in a movie later," he added by way of inducement.

"I… can't," Duo blurted and was nearly bowled over by the hurt in Heero's cobalt blue eyes. He looked like Duo had just castrated him. Trying to soften the blow, Duo did the only thing he could think of, he told the truth. "I, sort of, have a dinner thing going on tonight," he explained, watching as understanding slowly dawn in place of the pain of rejection. 

"I see," Heero said, quietly.

Suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to explain himself, Duo let his mouth have a free reign. "It's just that I have this freaking weekly dinner with my best friend who is able to send you on the wildest most complete guilt trip ever if I miss out when not on assignment."

"I understand, Max," Heero said. "It's just that…" He cleared his throat. "I was thinking of introducing my friends to you. I was invited to their dinner tonight."

"Shouldn't you be introducing them to Relena?" It slipped out unexpectedly. _Shit,_ Duo thought horrified watching Heero's face collapse. 

"That was a cheap shot."

Duo sighed, realising how horribly wrong this wonderfully surprised meeting had become and it was his entire fault. "I'm just telling the truth, Heero."

"And you never lie," Heero mocked lightly, knowing Max's personal ideal by heart, the photographer practically pounded it into him. "Apparently, you're a tease as well." 

Duo could feel his temper rising, but a crowded mall with all these strangers walking past was just not the place to have an argument. "I think we should back off now, before I do something we'd both regret." He picked up a random bottle of wine. "It was nice meeting you, Heero. Have a nice life." He turned and began walking towards the cashier. 

_You are not going to see him again? This is goodbye? Brian's back from his hiatus and was fully charged. Duo really wished he stayed with the damned butterflies._

_It's for the best, Duo thought, trying to get the fist around his heart to unclench. Hell, it couldn't be this hard. After all, he had only known the man for a week. Really known him past the 'I really love how your ass looks in a tux' stage. How much emotional investment could a person have after just hanging out for one week? _

_Apparently a lot, Brian told him, sadly. _Just how much do you like him anyway?__

That was a question Duo wanted the answer to as well.

tbc…

Duo: So, how much do I like him?

Tsu: Does it matter?

Duo: Of course it matters!

Tsu: To whom? Besides you of course.

Duo: The... the… well, the reviewers, they care.

Tsu: Do they?

Duo: Hey guys, please review, tell her you like her, uh…. I mean, tell her I like him. (You are so paying me for this!)

Tsu: *blushing* Not after that last slip up I won't.

Duo: Hey.


	5. Iron Stomachs and Strong Constitutions

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Four: Iron Stomachs and Strong Constitutions

Whatever good cheer Duo had been racking up for the past week had miraculously disappeared with one simple meeting with Heero at the mall. He wanted to just call the whole dinner off but knowing Quatre, he would never hear the end of it. His blond friend would want to know why, how, what happened and a host of other words starting with w that can end with a question mark. That guy should have been an interrogator instead of as a businessman. Being a businessman, Duo reflected, it was like being an interrogator.

So, at 6.30 that evening, Duo found himself dragging his reluctant ass into his car, carrying a cheap bottle wine he knew his friend was going to hate and driving to Quatre's palatial mansion approximately half and hour away. He drove through the imposing gates and parked his late model car next to Quatre's limousines. He was met at the door by the blond businessman's loyal servants, who called themselves the Manguanacs. Why? Duo couldn't even begin to guess. He was shown to the kitchen, where once a week, Quatre Winner, does his own killing, uhm, cooking. 

Dinner at Quatre's were usually a minimalist affair, despite the troop of servants that hovered worriedly in their 'master's' wake, as they lovingly tagged him. The blond prepared the food while Duo and Quatre's life partner, Trowa Barton cleaned up after dinner. But his loyal servants would not believe that their Master Quatre was able to prepare a full course dinner without burning the kitchen or poisoning the guests. Quatre had done his best to squelch his frustration at his servants, whom he loved as much as his family, but when they rushed into the dining room dialing 911 and carrying a first aid kit when Duo had faked a faint after taking a bite of Quatre's casserole, the blond had turned an alarming shade of red.

Duo was ceremoniously kicked out of the house by his friend and was treated to a lighter version of the cold war for the next week or so. It had taken an enormous amount of wheedling and Trowa's help to get the blond to speak to him again. Then the servants had turned on the braided man for making their beloved Master Quatre angry with them and they had poisoned his food with laxatives. Duo Maxwell got really acquainted with his bathroom for the next few days.

"Quat, I don't think I'm going to like this guy," Duo announced, helping his friend toss the salad. It was a ritual that he came early to help his friend cook, just to ease the minds of the blond's servants. 

Duo meant edible cooking. How that equation formed Duo had no idea. He couldn't cook even if it meant saving his own life. Chinese take out and the friendly neighbourhood pizza delivery service  were his life savers.

"You should give it a chance," Quatre said, stirring at a pot of something. His perceptive aquamarine eyes studied Duo with concern. There was something off with his friend tonight. The smile and the light heartedness were there, but it was not completely genuine, or as genuine as it could be with Duo. Tonight, it seemed more faked, more forced than usual.

Duo shuddered staring at the steaming pot, unsure of whether to run or pick up a bottle of charcoal pills. His friend loved to experiment with food. While they were at most times edible, the palate took quite a beating with the spices used. Still, they all indulged the blond. He was the epitome of wide eyed innocence with fine blond white hair and glorious aqua eyes that when wielded properly, could cause steel to bend itself from guilt.

Besides, disappointed Quatre equals upset Trowa equals run for your freaking life.

"… Trowa's best friend," Quatre chattered, his mind still 100% on the steaming pot of hell, uh food.

"Sorry?" Duo asked. "I wasn't paying too much attention a while ago." He set the spoons he was using for the salad aside and picked up his soda, sipping it lightly.

Quatre sighed at his friend's inattentiveness. This was something new. Usually Duo would hang onto his every word and then some. "I said, the guy who's coming tonight is Trowa's best friend from school."

"Oh."

The blond businessman felt his jaw hanging open. "Oh, is that all you are going to say? Oh?"

Duo tilted his head with a smile. "What do you want me to say Quat?" He put down his can of soda, clasped his hand dramatically and simpered like a girl. "Oh, wow, Quatre, is he like so cute? Tell me, tell me, tell…" He trailed off, realising a little too late he may have taken it a little too far. "Sorry," he said, contritely, hiding behind his soda again.

"Can't you see I want you to be happy?" Quatre asked his exasperating friend, hands firmly plunked on slim hips.

Duo finally managed an honest, sincere smile. "Yes, Quat, I can, and for that I'm thankful. I just don't like your methods. They are underhanded and creepy."

"Creepy?" Quatre frowned.

The photographer shuddered dramatically. "Hey, Guy #11 was pretty creepy. All he wanted to talk about was porcelain dolls."

Quatre laughed. "Guy #11? Don't you even know their names?"

Duo shrugged. "It's not like I'm going to meet them again. Why bother?"

"Duo," Quatre began a little uncertainly. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Doing what?" Dou was truly confused.

"Punishing yourself," Quatre clarified sadly.

The other man flinched as if slapped. "Your pot of something's burning, Quat," he motioned to the bubbling pot, changing the subject.

Quatre squeaked, his attention focused on their dinner once more. When he was sure they didn't need to call take out, or at least his cooks to come and kept them fed, he turned to Duo once more, who immediately busied himself with gathering plates and cutlery to set the kitchen table. The blond sighed, taking that as a signal that the conversation was over.

A tall auburn hair man walked into the kitchen, sniffing at the air. "Hmm, little one, smells…." He groped for a proper descriptive that won't ensure he had to eat the whole pot himself if it turned out… not so successful. "Interesting," he finished lamely, walking over and claiming a quick kiss from his partner before turning to Duo. "What did he put inside this time?" He whispered as he passed the braided man.

Duo shook his head. "Didn't see, don't really want to know," he stage whispered back. "Won't kill us I think, maimed pretty badly, possibly."

"Trowa Barton! Duo Maxwell!" Quatre pouted at the impertinent two. "Is he here yet?" He flicked his eyes towards Duo and back again.

Trowa nodded. "He's in the living room, fuming a little. Apparently, he wanted to bring a date tonight," he stopped, sparing Duo a look when he noticed the smaller man flashing him a smile that said 'I told you this wouldn't work, so stop now, you interfering idiots'.

"How could he be so insensitive?" Quatre raged, feeling affronted on Duo's behalf, since his friend was too delighted to be affronted.

Duo smiled brightly. "Hey, Tro, I like him already. Introduce me to the man; I'll think we will get along just fine." 

Trowa quirked a smile and hurried to placate his ranting husband. "Little one, he's been under a lot of stress lately. This guy that he's been going after has been playing hard to get and it's driving him out of his mind. Apparently, he wanted to introduce him to us tonight, but got shot down pretty bad. He's upset enough as it is. He doesn't need you to lay on the guilt trip, love," he warned.

Duo, only half listening as he set the table wondered why it seemed so familiar.

"Well," Quatre said, reluctantly. "He should have at least told us about his plans. I mean, I did get him a date tonight, you know."

"Your friend sounds like he has problems, Tro," Duo joined in.

Trowa sighed. "You don't know the half of it. He is wondering how to gently get out of an engagement without his father lopping of his head."

"He's _engaged_? With a woman?" Duo guessed and at Trowa's nod, he laughed. Guy #14 absolutely takes the cake in terms of being the most screwed up blind date the couple could set him up with. He picked up his soda, taking a long swallow. 

Quatre chuckled softly. "Well, in his own words, being engaged to Relena Peacecraft is enough to make _anyone_ gay."

The mouthful of soda Duo took came spewing out, nearing drenching both his friends in a cola shower. "Who?" This was _not happening. _Maybe Relena Peacecraft got herself engaged to another homosexual man, _Duo hoped, feeling a little panicked._

Brian, damned his intangible butt was rolling on the floor, sides splitting with laughter. _Fates, Duo my man, Fates.__ You can't run and you can't hide. So don't even lie to yourself._

_Appears you can't even say goodbye, Duo grouched._

His friends were looking at him oddly. "Relena Peacecraft," Trowa explained. "From the Peacecrafts of Sanq, old and royal."

"Royal pain in the asses," Duo muttered and Quatre caught that.

"You know her?" Quatre asked.

Duo was saved from answering when a forlorn tone came wafting into the kitchen. "Trowa, I don't think I want to meet this friend of yours. I'm just going to go home and call… Max?!" Heero stood at the doorway, cobalt eyes bugging at the sight of the photographer standing in the middle of Winner household.

Trowa burst out laughing. "You didn't tell me his name was _Max._" Quatre was nearly convulsing with laughter, dinner completely abandoned. 

_Oh well, take out it is, Duo thought idly._

"What are you doing here?" Heero still had some problems controlling his jaw.

Trowa stepped forward. "Mr Heero Yuy, may I introduce you to Mr Duo Maxwell, apparently known to you as Max from Max Studios."

_ The information was absorbed slowly and Duo could almost see when realisation rose and acceptance sank in. A slow smile started to form on Heero's well formed lips as he walked towards Duo, his hand extended. "Nice to meet you… Duo."_

The words, the tone caressed Duo right down to his feet. "So, Relena turned you gay, huh?" He put in inanely, for want of a better thing to say.

Heero blushed. "Let's not talk about it tonight all right?"

Duo nodded. "But we will be talking about it later." He sighed, knowing he was lost. How was someone to fight fate?

_Very poorly, Brian suggested and Duo could only agree._

"We will," Heero promised, leaning in closer. "After all we have a movie to catch."

"You do?" Quatre asked. Duo noted with some irritation that his blond friend was vastly amused at the whole scene.

"It's our second date!" Heero announced, fairly bouncing on his feet. 

_Bouncing? Duo knew he had too much caffeine. He was hallucinating. What a minute! "Who said anything about a second date?"_

"Where's date number one?" Quatre had a look on his face that didn't bode well for Duo. Knowing his friend, he would be on the phone all night describing the entire first dinner to him. "Oh NO!" He cried, realising dinner had been burnt.

Trowa and Duo exchanged twin looks of relief. At least their stomachs wouldn't be tortured tonight. 

"Shall I or will you?" Trowa lifted an auburn brow at Duo. That was their classic signal to call for help, i.e., the cooks of the Winner household. 

As a group of relieved servants came trooping into the kitchen to chase their sulking Master Quatre out, Duo unobtrusively grabbed Heero's arm. "I'm not a tease," he stressed. "And we will be speaking of this later."

Heero nodded seriously. There were many things to explain later.

But that was later, right now; they had a second date to enjoy.

tbc…

Hey, even lame chappies need gratification. Help, I'm in a slump!


	6. Second date, the Aftermath

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Five: Second date, the Aftermath

Duo was packing up his equipment waving goodbye to some of the models. He felt eyes on him as he bent over, picking up his tripod. He turned and noticed two leggy brunettes apparently staring at his ass. He smiled, shaking his head ruefully and straightened.

"Hey, Max," one of them sauntered over. 

Duo guessed her to be about his height without heels, but wearing five inches platforms, she made Duo feel like a midget. "Hi," he tried valiantly to remember her name. "…Alfrena." He nearly choked. Alfrena, what kind of name was that? Did her parents get a lobotomy before naming her? 

"Hey, there's this new club…" She trailed off, her eyes shining with hope.

"Really? Tell us where, we'd love to meet you there," a lazy drawl made Duo smile, as did the strong arms that snaked around his waist. "Hey, honey," Heero pressed a soft kiss on his temple.

Duo was too busy fighting the urge to burst into laughter as he watched the model walk away with a faint air of disappointment. "That was truly evil, Heero." He laughed lightly, picking up another bag from the floor. "And, don't call me honey."

"Whatever you want, sweetheart." Heero took a bag from Duo and they walked out into the afternoon sun. "Want some lunch?"

"No, just want to go home," Duo smiled. "And not sweetheart either. What the hell is it with you and all these endearments anyway?" He dumped his gear into the back of Heero's car, having been driven by the Japanese to the site early that morning.

Heero shrugged. "Don't you like them?" He got into the driver's seat and started the engine.

"Not after food," Duo quipped, getting into the passenger's seat. "How did you manage to get out of Miss Ice Queen's grasp today? It is Sunday. Isn't that like family bonding crap day or something like that?" 

The other man lost the ready smile he usually wore around the small braided man. "Actually," he started to say, staring resolutely ahead of him. 

"Is she at the Studio?" Duo guessed, brows drawn into a frown.

"No," Heero said, shortly, turning into midway, weekend traffic. "She asked me to come and see you. She wants to see the pictures." 

"Stop the car," Duo said, softly.

Heero turned his head slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of Duo yet not take his eyes completely off the road. "What?"

"I said, stop the car!" Duo yelled, making a grab for the steering wheel.

The vehicle screeched to a stop as Heero slammed on the brakes. "What the hell is your problem?" He yelled as Duo pushed the door open and stalked off. "Fine, be that way!" He leaned over, slammed the passenger door that was left ajar by Duo shut and sped off.

Duo knew Heero wouldn't come after him but it still hurt to hear the car pull away from the sidewalk and disappeared into the afternoon rush of traffic. It had been almost a month and a half since the dinner at Quatre's that changed both of their lives. For good or for worse, Duo was still trying to decide. But he did know that his life had changed. After dinner that night, Heero had taken Duo home, to his home. He still didn't trust Heero enough to let him know where he lived. Heero still didn't and that was a sore point with them. As was Relena Peacecraft and Heero father. 

They had talked for most of the night. Heero explained his position, his responsibility to his family and his father. To honour the decisions his father makes, ie to marry one Miss Ice Queen. Duo didn't understand anything about family honour or responsibility but he had accepted. He wanted something with Heero, something that Heero was clearly offering as well. It had begun with a tentative kiss, the one Heero had promised he would claim at the end of the second date and the one Duo had inadvertently promised the other man at the end of the first one.

That had sparked off the weirdest relationship between two men. Duo went to Heero's home after work, who cooked for them both. They shared a meal, snuggled a little before Heero went off to his fiancee's home. They kissed, held hands, groped a little but went no further than that. It was Duo's decision and Heero's frustration, but the taller man had respected Duo's wishes and not pressed too hard.

Duo sighed, trying really hard not to think about the sweet times of the past six weeks. It wasn't just all domestic bliss. How could it be when both parties carried along a huge load of excess emotional baggage and a tonne of past secrets? Heero wanted to know about Duo's past, Duo's family, Duo's everything. Duo wanted Heero to stand up to his father, end the engagement with Relena, to live happily ever after. They pushed each other, sometimes a little too hard and it usually ended with one of them storming off, very much like today.

The braided man didn't know where he was going, or how far he went that afternoon. He walked and walked and found himself in his old neighbourhood. He sighed. He knew he was going to find himself here. He found the clinic easy enough; he had been here enough times. He took the side stair up to the second floor and rapped on the door.

A dark haired Chinese man a few inches taller than Duo opened the door, looking slightly harassed.

"Maxwell," he greeted and returned into the depth of the apartment, leaving the door open.

"Wufei," Duo said in the same serious tone before chuckling, letting himself in and locking the door behind him.

It was a nice apartment, and it had an extremely 'lived in' and personalised look. It was decorated in a totally Oriental style in bamboo and rosewood. There was a door that led out to an opened area where Wufei did his exercises. Following the sounds of heavy breathing, Duo guessed that's where he could find his friend. 

"Duo, what're you doing here?" Wufei's wife, Sally greeted him with a soft kiss on the cheek. She was the doctor that ran the clinic downstairs and her father was the one that saved Duo's lives a few times in his dark past.

"Can't a guy visit his two favourite people in the whole wide world?" Duo batted his eyelashes at Sally, winning a laugh from her.

She quickly sobered, her trained eye roving over Duo's tired face with concern. "You are not taking care of yourself."

"I'm fine," Duo flashed her with a huge smile.

The doctor shook her head, resigned. She knew from experience that nothing got past Duo's defences. If the young man needed to talk, she was sure her husband would be a good listener, despite his seemingly cold aloofness to this hyperactive photographer. "Have you had your lunch?"

"I…" Duo started, only to be interrupted by the embarrassing growl of his protesting stomach. He flushed. "I guess I could eat."

Sally nodded and headed to the kitchen to get something for Duo.

Left to his own devises, Duo plunked himself gracelessly onto one of the plush couches. The hard rosewood chairs that Wufei insisted were 'good for your posture' were a huge pain in the ass, literally and were avoided at all costs. He picked up a book and paged through it idly. It was something about battle tactics, completely written in Chinese. 

_Wufei's__, Duo thought, leafing through it, reading as he went along. Despite growing up on the streets, Duo had learned a variety of languages, all from his street buddies. Wufei had been one of them. Duo had met the Chinese when he made a mistake of stealing from his gang when Duo was about seven or so. Wufei had knifed the long haired man with an angry hiss of "Injustice. Where is honour in stealing?"_

When a bleeding Duo showed him angrily exactly _why_ he was stealing before passing out in the Chinese's arms, Wufei had been eaten by remorse and carried Duo almost two miles on his back to see old Doc Po to patch the boy up. Duo had been stealing food for kids, most of them younger than him. Wufei had been a few years older than Duo at the time. By the time the wound had healed, they had been fast friends, with Duo charming the good doctor's little daughter and Wufei grousing at her, calling her a 'weak woman'. 

Duo smiled at the memory, apparently opposites attract and Wufei popped the question a year ago. They had lived in domestic bliss since then, or Chang Wufei's and Sally Po's own version of it. The long haired man felt his eyes droop from exhaustion. He did wake pretty early for the shoot and that argument with Heero had really sapped his spirit. It had become a vicious cycle. Fight and make up, only to fight again.

He didn't know when he fell asleep but the next thing he knew, Wufei was sitting opposite him, a towel draped over his sweaty body and staring at him with concern.

"What's wrong with you, Maxwell?" Wufei asked, watching his sleepy friend trying to claw his way out of drowsiness.

Duo yawned, stretching. "Must something be wrong?" He asked innocently.

"Lies won't…" Wufei got cut off by an irate friend.

"I don't lie, Chang!" Duo interjected, sitting up abruptly.

"Fine. Evasion won't work around me, Maxwell. I know you too well." Wufei's expression turned gentle. "This has always been your sanctuary. You only come here when something bothers you."

"I haven't seen you at Quatre's dinners in along time," Duo stalled, not really wanting to talk about Heero, but knowing his big brother would dig it out of him in his usual way, via a spar on the balcony.

Wufei snorted. "They aren't dinners anymore. It was more like something out of the dating game."

Duo smiled, understanding that his friend couldn't bear the awkwardness of watching him try to let guy after guy down without hurting Quatre's feelings. Early on, he had breached both of his worlds together and introduced the Changs to the Winner-Bartons, or Barton-Winners, depending on who he was speaking to. They had gotten along famously and had actually become good friends. But after the Big Break Up, and Quatre's campaign of 'Let's Get Duo with Someone, Anyone', Wufei had been thoroughly disgusted at the blond's attempts. He was someone that firmly believed in letting nature run its course and Quatre had meddling in nature. The Chinese had slowly backed off from the dinners, showing up ever so often at Duo's behest, knowing it hurt him that his friends were drifting apart because of him.

"'Fei, they just want me to have someone," Duo muttered softly. "Like you have Sally and Quat has Trowa."

"And?" Wufei asked, sensing Duo's melancholy and didn't take issue with the nickname. It had stuck when Duo was younger and he had been delirious with fever from the knife wound Wufei had given him. Duo couldn't pronounce the Chinese's name properly and it had stuck, much to Wufei's chagrin. He had tried to impress on the younger boy the honour of a name for the Chinese, but since the long haired man had named himself, didn't understand what all the fuss was.

"And?" Duo echoed, still hedging. He faked a yawn and saw out of the corner of his eye, Wufei staring at him. He noticed the other man settling down on the 'pain in the ass' rosewood chair and waited. 

_Oh Gods, not another silence therapy, Duo thought, and wanting very much to pull his braid out. Quatre's silence was more guilt inducing, but Wufei's had an undertone of parental admonishment that made it more unbearable._

Violet met onyx in what seemed to be an eternity of silence.

"Duo, I got you some lunch," Sally walked in bearing a tray filled with egg sandwiches. It served to break the tension between the two men and Duo felt like kissing her.

"Woman," Wufei grouched. "We were having a conversation here."

Sally's eyes hardened. "Man," she began, but that word clearly meant 'idiot' in her vocabulary, especially when she directed it at her husband. "The both of you were definitely _not _having a conversation. What I just saw was two idiots knocking testosterone." She settled the tray next to Duo. "Here, eat before you faint in hunger."

Duo gifted her with his prized smile and dug into the plate, happy at the change of subject. But knowing Wufei, he wouldn't let him off the hook for too long. The Chinese had pretty much the same type of childhood Duo had, running on the streets. When Duo had turned sixteen the two of them, along with Duo's childhood protector Solo had made a pact to leave the life on the streets and tried to make something decent for themselves. Wufei had started studying all sorts of weird new age nonsense in Duo's opinion such as Yoga but he had also trained in various martial arts very young in life. He was the one that thought Duo how to protect himself on the streets stating that no one should be able to knife Duo like he did. Wufei was now a troubled teen mentor.

"Don't eat too much," Wufei warned. "Unless you want to clean it up if you miss a block."

Duo winced at the promised pain his friend was going to inflict on him. 

Two hours later, two sweaty males came panting into the living room while a very amused Sally Po looked up from her magazine with a wrinkled nose. She silently pointed to their bathrooms and the two men trooped in there. Shortly after, Duo came out of the shower with his long hair unbound and wrapped in a towel. He wore one of Wufei's old sweat pants and a loose shirt, his own clothes currently running through the dryer.

"Okay," Wufei said from behind his shoulder. "You got your frustrations out on me." He winced, rubbing his hip where Duo got a pretty nasty kick in. "Talk."

Duo sat huddled on Wufei's couch, not wanting to talk, and looking like a lost waif more than a world famous fashion photographer. "Why do you always push?" He growled.

Wufei rested a hand on Duo's shoulder. "You wanted to talk, or you wouldn't have some here."

"I have a boyfriend now, you know," Duo spoke after a long silence and Wufei settled down next to him, letting the other man cuddle up to him like he did when they were younger and Duo needed to be comforted.

"Really?" Wufei was surprised. He never thought Duo would get over the break up so soon.

"His fiancée came to my studio to order me to take wedding pictures for her. Met the future groom, went out on a date with him, got set up in a blind date by Quatre and Co and here I am," Duo finished, unable to look Wufei in the eye. He knew the condemnation would be there.

Wufei sighed heavily. "Duo." He sounded almost disappointed. "You went through the same thing, so why are you doing it to someone else now?"

"It's not like I meant to fall in love with him, 'Fei. He's even more screwed up than me. He's totally gay but engaged to a woman." Duo laughed ruefully. "I'm no better than he is, 'Fei," his voiced echoed his pain and Wufei didn't have to interpret who 'he' was. "What the hell am I doing?"

"How long have the two of you been involved?" Wufei posed the question delicately. 

Duo sounded a little subdued. "If by 'involved' you mean have I had sex with him yet, the answer is we are not involved."

_Not for want of Heero trying, Brian jeered._

_Where have you been?  Duo asked but Brian seemed to have disappeared once again._

Wufei inhaled in surprise. Duo has always craved affection and more than willing to submit to sex just to get that affection, so it was a big surprise to find out the long haired man was still celibate.

"If by 'involved' you mean how long have you been cheating on the poor fiancée, then for about six weeks."

Wufei was taken aback. Six weeks? That's a long time in Duo's calendar and for him to hold off sex meant either he was extremely serious about this man, or 'he' had really hurt Duo that badly the man couldn't trust anymore. "What are you waiting for?"

"For him to end his engagement."

"He's still engaged?" Wufei managed.

Duo laughed humourlessly. "Yeah, isn't that a bitch?"

"What are you going to do about it?" Wufei wanted to know.

The other man sat up, squaring his shoulders resolutely. "Give him an ultimatum."

tbc….

A little out of the slump, but still struggling. 


	7. Ultimatums are such fragile things

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Six: Ultimatums are such fragile things

Sally, bless her mothering soul, had insisted Duo stay for dinner, despite protests that he needed to go back to work. In deference to their guests, the couple had prepared something other than the weird unpalatable vegetarian meals Wufei ate. After saying their goodbye and extracting a promise that the couple must show up at the next dinner Quatre and Trowa organised, Duo left the apartment. 

The old neighbourhood was bit quiet nearing midnight, but Duo knew that was all in the surface. There were activities running through in the dark and silence that involved the seedier side of life. He couldn't believe he had spent almost the entire day there. Wufei was right; the Chinese man's home was Duo's sanctuary, more than his own home was. It was as if Duo was re-establishing all his roots when he was there. Wufei was one of the last things of a past he would rather not remember.

The neighbourhood was relatively safer now than it was back when they were kids. The old gangs had fallen apart when the three of them left, but their reputation still very well known there. Though Wufei's work there had reduced the numbers in the teenage gangs, it was still very much troubled neighbourhood. Normally, no one would be insane enough to take a night stroll in the middle of the night, but Duo Maxwell was not normal. He and his friends had faced the darker side of life on the streets and not only had they survived, they had flourished as well.

Duo wondered why hasn't he received a call from Heero tonight and pulled out his cell phone. He grimaced as he noticed it off.

_Must have forgotten to charge the battery, he thought, pulling out the spare and slotting it in before switching it on again. A few seconds later the phone beep and to Duo's laughing horror, there were about fifteen voice mails and another ten text messages. It seemed he was missed. As he ran through his messages, the smile faded as pain assailed him. Not physical pain, something much worse, pure unadulterated heartache. Heero had left one terse text message telling him that his bags with Trowa because he didn't have to pleasure of knowing the braided man lived. The rest had been frantic messages left by a worried Quatre. He would have to call the blond up, but not now, not for a long while._

Duo tried to swallow the lump that formed in his throat and could stop a lone tear from trailing down his porcelain cheeks.

_Damn, he brushed the tear away,_ boys _don't __cry._

"Aw, what do we have here?" A voice drawled from behind him, bringing his attention to the immediate danger. "Little baby, cryin'?"

Duo cursed virulently, he had let his guard down. He had broken the number one rule in the neighbourhood. He didn't even hear the guy coming up from behind him, the guy and his two friends. He turned and faced them, schooling his expression into one of nonchalance. _Stay calm,_ he told himself. He could handle them. He was no longer twelve and alone, and he had all of Wufei's training. 

"What do you want, _boys_?" Duo stressed the last word. Personally, he was in no mood to play and these idiots were staring Death in the face and didn't know it. And it was true, they were hardly more than boys, the eldest was probably sixteen and seemed desperate to make a mark for himself.

The 'leader' flinched at the insult. His eyes narrowed and his voice turned menacing. He stepped forward, pulling out a long gleaming knife. "No one insults me and gets away with it," he caresses the knife like a lover, before bringing up to his lips to kiss it lovingly. 

Duo nearly choked. That had been Shinigami's signature move, _his signature move. His first emotion was annoyance. Just who was this _kid,_ or gaki, his old buddy Shido would have called him, think he was? _

"What does that mean, Shido?" A ten year old Duo asked his Japanese friend.

Shido reached down to ruffle the chestnut locks affectionately. "It means brat, baka Shinigami."

"Huh?" Duo looked up at the taller man with adoration in his eyes. It was at odds with the vicious reputation the boy had managed to garner for himself with his deadly knife.

"Baka means idiot, and Shinigami is what I have decided you should be named, from now on." Shido's dark eyes glinted proudly. "God of Death."

And the name stuck.

"What are you smiling about?" The boy demanded, truly incensed now and emboldened by the fact that he had friends to back him up while the seemingly effeminate looking man was all alone. "I'll wipe that smile off your face if it is the last thing I do," he promised, lunging at the unarmed man with the knife.

Duo grabbed the man's arm, twisting it easily and within seconds, hand the boy in a vice and the knife point at his throat. "Do not play when you don't know who your opponents are, boy," he whispered the old warning Shinigami always gave. His hand itched. This was familiar, this darkness, the knife, the quivering body beneath his had. This was comfort.

"Duo!" Wufei barked an order. "Let him go!"

Shinigami turned to face the Dragon, violet eyes darkened with bloodlust.

"Duo," Wufei coaxed softly recognising exactly who faced him. "Let the boy go."

Dou blinked, coming back to himself abruptly. Realising what he almost did, he released both boy and knife in an instant, backing away in horror. What had he almost done? His knees felt weak and rubbery as he fell against Wufei, who had rushed to his friend's side.

"Shi… Shinigami," the boys were blubbering, realising exactly who faced them.

"Don't look back, and don't come back boys," Wufei warned.

The one Duo had cornered turned and shot the shaking man a look of pure malice before disappearing into the night.

"You be careful of that one," Wufei advised Duo, who seemed to have withdrawn deep into himself. "Duo?" He shook his friend slightly. 

"'Fei," Duo cried, anguished etched into every line on his handsome face. "I almost killed him. I wanted to. What's wrong with me?" He tears he so valiantly tried to hold back came streaming down his cheeks, and he buried his face into Wufei's chest.

On that dark street in the middle of one of the most notorious neighbourhood in town, Wufei held onto his old friend and let him weep his heart out. Wufei's onyx orbs shimmered in pain knowing the kind of childhood his friend went through. Although they had left the neighbourhood, there were still traces of it left in them, and tonight was a good example. They could take Shinigami out of the streets, but they could never take Shinigami out of the boy. The body in Wufei's arms had stilled a long time ago, but Duo remained there, letting Wufei shelter him like he always did when they were children.

"Better?" Wufei asked softly.

Duo nodded. 

"Do you want to stay with us tonight?" Wufei offered. He always had a room in his apartment for the braided man that was the brother of his soul.

Duo took a deep cleansing breath. "No," he shook his head, and then forced a smile. "Quatre has already left about a hundred messages. If I don't get back to them, he'll get upset and Trowa will disembowel me with a wooden spoon."

Wufei offered to drive him to Quatre's and was glad that Duo didn't refuse the offer. The Chinese man guessed Duo was too emotionally drained to put up too much of a fight right now. They sat in silence, with Duo staring out blankly out of the window, his mind a blissful blank. Even Brian seemed subdued and far, far away. They reached Quatre's in a surprising short time, or at least it seemed like it was to Duo, whose mind was still in a state of shock at the moment.

"Thanks, 'Fei," Duo muttered, getting out of the car, just as a frantic Quatre flew out of the house with his bodyguard, the huge Rashid in tow. Trowa, thankfully, was no where to be seen. Duo didn't think he could face Trowa tonight.

"Duo," Wufei said, quietly. "I don't think you should come visit us after dark."

Duo flinched but realised there was some truth in what Wufei was saying. He was still too tuned to the darkness within him to be able to handle the night life at the neighbourhood. He nodded in agreement.

"Wufei?" Quatre called out. "Damn, I forgot to try calling you." He gave Duo a long look and exchanged another one with Wufei who shook his head silently, warning the blond not to ask any unwanted questions. "Thanks for dropping him off." He curled his arm around the smaller man and gently led him into the house.

Duo remembered waving to Wufei as he pulled out of the massive driveway before being hustled into the living to deal with Quatre in full mother hen mode.  By that time, Duo was almost back to his normal self, burying the night's pain behind his usual flippant smile.

"Hey, Quat, ease up already. It's not like I died or something," Duo inwardly winced. Technically speaking, Duo did almost die tonight, Shinigami almost making a full resurrection on that dark street. "Where's your lovely husband?"

Quatre was forced to sit when Duo snagged him with one wiry arm to the seat next to the long haired man. "Out ripping Heero Yuy a new one."

The name brought a fresh surge of pain. "Why?" Duo managed to modulate an even tone.

"He dropped off your bags and told us to tell you to call him when you stop being childish," Quatre was turning an alarming shade of purple. "I knew what he did. How could he?"

Duo shrugged. "Well, you can't blame him for having his priorities straight, Quat man."

"You let him get you too easily," Quatre continued his lecture. "You should have made him beg more." And this was coming from a man who jumped into bed with his partner two hours after meeting him.

Duo was choking with laughter. 

_Well, I wonder how much harder to get do you have to play? Brian wondered idly, whistling tunelessly._

_Where were you when I needed you? Where was his subconscious when Duo needed him? Needed him to remind Duo he was no longer Shinigami._

_Running for my freaking life. Shini is truly one scary bastard._

"What are you going to do, Duo?" Quatre wanted to know.

"About Heero?" Duo clarified.

"No, about your acne problem. Of course about Heero," Quatre said, exasperated. His friend could be extremely stubborn when he put his mind to it, and with Duo, he put his mind to it _a lot._ "He can't it both ways, Duo. You have been patient enough with him these past weeks."

Duo nodded, really not wanting to speak of this. "I know."

"He's not being fair to you."

"I know."

"He is being such an asshole about all of this. And to come and meet you today on as Relena's messenger boy," Quatre continued his rambling.

"I know."

"Are you even listening?"

Duo sighed. It was too late and he was just so tired. "Quat, I know what I need to do. Can I crash here tonight?"

Apparently the answer was a delightful yes and in record time, Duo was tucked up in one of the many rooms in the Winner mansion. No wanting to think of how sucky the day had been, Duo just gave into his body's command and slept.

Morning came soon enough. He felt a resolve, know what he had to do with Heero. He had been serious when he told Wufei that he would be giving Heero an ultimatum and he would be delivering it to him today. It was still early and the entire household was pretty much still asleep. He wandered into the foyer and found Rashid. He asked for a loan of a car and was thrown a set of keys with an affectionate warning of wanting it back in one piece.

"I don't drive all that badly, Rashid," Duo answered, feeling a little stung.

Rashid smiled. "I've seen you drive, Mr Maxwell, don't tell me how you drive."

Duo pulled out of the house and speeded along towards Heero's apartment. He locked the car and entered the building. Security was familiar enough with his coming and going not to question his presence at seven thirty in the morning. He punched Heero's floor and relaxed against the side of the elevator, his mind going through the speech he wanted to deliver. The elevator doors opened at Heero's floor with a soft ding. Duo felt his hand grow clammy with nervousness. It would be the right thing to do. Even if he lost Heero, it would be the correct thing to do. Heero could no longer play both sides and have everything. Duo can't only be the one to be sacrificing. Not anymore.

The walk from the elevator to Heero's apartment seemed a mile long and it took forever. But all too soon, Duo found himself standing in front of the oak door, his finger hovering over the bell.

_I can do this, I can__ do this; Duo repeated the litany over and over. Taking a deep breath, Duo rang the bell._

Long moments passed and he heard Heero rush to the door, pulling it open. He looked wonderful. His chocolate mop was still as messy as ever and his bronze skin was perfectly set off in the pure whiteness of the robe he wore.

"Duo," Heero's cobalt eyes widened in surprise. There was something else behind it. Panic? Or something else. "What are you doing here?" Yes, it was _definitely  panic._

"I have decided to stop being childish," Duo quoted, smiling lightly.

"You should have called first," Heero looked distinctively unhappy and extremely uncomfortable.

Damned alarm started ringing in Duo's head, loudly. "You have company." It wasn't a question.

Heero couldn't meet the accusation in Duo's eyes. "You should have called first," he repeated.

"And that would change things how?" Duo asked evenly. There was no need for ultimatums today. "I know it is none of my business, but who?" He refused to blame himself. If needed sexual gratification that badly, this was not the relationship Duo needed. Now or ever.

"Heero, darling, who is it?" A shrill, _familiar_ feminine voice filtered through the house.

_Relena? Duo mouthed, feeling like he was just sucker punched. The boy within screamed for him to run, run and never come back, never look back. This was happening all over again, how could it be happening again? Why was this happening to him?_

"Go back to bed, Relena," Heero called out, closing the door behind him as he stepped into the hall with Duo.

"So," Duo was at a loss of words.

Heero leaned heavily against the heavy door. "Duo, that… It's…"

"I don't want to know," Duo interrupted. "What you do with your _fiancée is your affair." He stressed the word carefully. "Heero, this isn't working."_

Heero clamped his hands on Duo's shoulders, bringing the man close to him. "Don't say that, don't ever say that. I waited for you to come home. You never did. I thought you wouldn't come back anymore. I thought I lost you," he choked out, pulling Duo into a tight hug. "I got drunk, and Relena came over and one thing led to another and…." He trailed off.

Duo remained unresponsive in the other man's embrace, feeling the stone that had replaced the place in his heart. He felt pleasantly numb, but that would change soon he knew. "So it is my fault?"

"No," Heero pulled back, his gaze boring into Duo's. There was naked pain in the cobalt depths. "I never meant that, I…"

"I came here with an ultimatum. I realised that I would only be fully committed to this relationship if you ended it with Relena. To let me feel that I am truly yours." His voice was empty, void of any emotion. "Now I see it is no longer needed."

"What do you mean?" Heero whispered, raw with pain.

"You clearly can't let go of her, and I don't want to get in between you and your duty," Duo continued to speak mechanically.

Heero reached out for Duo who had backed away to a safe distance, out of his arms. The long haired man clearly didn't want to be touched. "Duo, I…" He was cut off by Duo lifting his hand to stop further excuses.

"What I meant say is," Duo sighed. "Heero, it's over."

tbc…

Duo: What do you mean it is over? I didn't even get any.

Tsu: Hey, I ran out of things to write. Reviews multiply my grey matter.

Duo: And apparently you have none at the moment.

Tsu: Hey!

Duo: You heard the woman. I'm a frustrated homosexual who didn't even get any yet. Review so I can get some.

Heero: What he said. 


	8. Grovelling is so attractive

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Seven: Grovelling is so attractive

_"What I meant to say is," Duo sighed. "Heero, it's over."_

A hot mug of coffee slipped from Heero's hand shattering on the floor of his kitchen, splattering coffee stains over his slacks.

Heero cursed softly, grabbing a handful of paper towels and began cleaning the mess up. He sighed for the umpteenth time that morning, wishing he had never gotten up from bed. He had feeling like that for a while now, and if this persists, he might need to start buying Styrofoam cups to drink from. It would be much cheaper, seeing that this was the eighth mug that met its untimely demise over the last two weeks.

Two weeks of pure hell. Two weeks since Duo had broken up with him. Reflectively, he couldn't have broken up with Heero because they were never were in a relationship, were they? 

Were they? Heero asked himself. He paused in the act of wiping the coffee off the floor, his blue eyes far, far away.  Duo had asked him a question that the man never gave Heero a proper answer to: What constitute as a relationship? Sex, going out, time together, kissing, holding hands, a future together, and sex? Since they never had sex, they were never together right? Right?

All those questions and Heero was met with utter silence. No one answered him, not Duo, not even himself.

Right? He was screaming at himself. The bubble of guilt buried under self righteousness and faked nonchalance threatened to explode.

Heero sat back on his heels, his mind going back to that morning when Duo had caught him and Relena. He had seen the accusation and anguish in those violet eyes, but it was more than that, it was as if some long forgotten nightmare had come out from deep within the handsome young man and ate at him. Then he had seen the light, the _life fade slowly out of the exquisite violet eyes. The Duo that spoke after that was nothing more than a puppet, a dim shadow of the vivacious young man that had graced Heero's home so many times during the weeks they had spent together. A faint smile shaped Heero's generous lips as he thought of the oft times silly things Duo thought up for them to do. Playing prank calls to the neighbours, spying at the people in the building across and making up conversations for them. They seemed childish to Heero at the time, thinking there much better things he could have done to the sexy man next to him but now, thinking back, they were part and parcel of who Duo Maxwell really was, the irreverent boy. Then there were times when Heero thought he saw the __real  Duo Maxwell, the man who had the dangerous eyes and the serious demeanour. The one who scared the hell out of Heero, and excited him as well. _

But what disturbed him was the look in Duo's eyes. After realising who had shared his bed with him, Duo seemed to have disappeared. Heero's patient explanations on why he did it didn't even touch the man. The braided young man simply disappeared into himself. And that hurt Heero more than if Duo had screamed and ranted at him.

He had tried to call the man but was either brushed off rudely by his assistant, the dark haired waif he saw at Max Studios or Duo would just hang up at the first sound of his voice. He was afraid to approach Trowa for help, knowing how close Quatre was to Duo. Undoubtedly, the blond would be pissed as hell with Heero and knowing how protective Trowa was of his husband, would offer to cleave Heero in half if it meant Quatre's pleasure. In a fit of frustration, he had cornered Duo last night as he was closing up his office.

"Damn it, Duo. Are you just going to keep avoiding me?" Heero demanded, startling the braided man who had been locking up the main door, his slender back to Heero.

Duo spun around, eyes wide with shock. Heero saw something flash through those once expressive eyes. Joy and then the light died again. "What can I do for you, Heero?" He asked evenly, trying to walk around the other man.

Heero made a grab for Duo's arm. "What is your problem? Why can't we talk about this?"

"What's there to talk about, Heero?" Duo asked, dully, staring at the bronze hand encircling his upper arm. 

The other man was taken aback. This apathy was not normal to Duo. The last time Heero had grabbed his arm like that in anger after one of their many fights, the Japanese man found himself flat on his back, with an irate but slightly frightened Duo looming over him. Heero learned never to touch Duo in anger like that again or risk his own life. It hadn't been Duo behind those eyes that time, but something more deadly. It was also something they _never_ spoke of again, which only fuelled his frustration about the secrecy of Duo's past. He felt he had told the smaller man everything about himself, and yet Heero knew nothing of Duo past Quatre and Trowa.

"I explained about Relena, it was a mistake," Heero forged on. 

Duo twisted slightly, releasing his arm from Heero's grasp. "It was a mistake once and it can be a mistake again. It doesn't matter, Heero. I understand."

"No you don't understand," Heero wanted so much to scream at Duo, to make him understand his position, but they were in the middle of a very posh street and Heero had a reputation to maintain. "When I was with her, I wanted desperately for it to be you. She means nothing to me, Duo, nothing."

Duo shook his head sadly, his eyes still alarmingly blank. "So, it is still my fault, isn't it? You still blame me for not wanting to sleep with you."

Hissing with frustration, Heero raked a careless hand through his messy bangs. "No… hell, yes, I do blame you." The tension he had been feeling burst out and he took it out on the only person available. "We could have had so much together. Instead, you decided you wanted to take the position of the prissy virgin and _wait._ For God's sake, Duo, we are both men. And adults. Stop being a tease."

Anger flashed in violet depths, giving Duo for once, since Heero saw him, a semblance of life. "Mr Heero Yuy, let me ask you one question. What constitutes as a relationship?"

Heero gaped at Duo, speechless. His mind ran all ways but ended up as blank as an empty slate.

Duo nodded with apparent satisfaction at watching Heero squirm. "When you have an answer to that, then you come and speak to me." He turned on his heels striding away quickly, hoping to escape before Heero snapped out of it. He just wasn't quick enough.

"Don't," Heero said, hoarsely, embracing Duo from behind. "You know how important you are to me, Duo. Don't do this."

Duo wriggled slightly and was caught between pleasure and disappointment when Heero let go. "Do I?" He laughed mirthlessly. "Most of the time I feel as if the only thing you want from me if a quick roll in between the sheets."

"I love you," Heero told him, hoping some of the emotion he felt could be transmitted by the other man.

"Don't mistake love for lust, Heero. Don't hurt me like that."

"I don't even know what is hurting you!!!" Heero blurted. "You don't tell me anything. I don't have enough information to know what the hell I did wrong."

Duo shrugged. "That information is irrelevant."

"No, you are hiding things from me." Heero reached out and took Duo's hand, caressing the back of it with his thumb.

The other man remained stubbornly silent but his eyes fastened on their clasped hands. "You cheated on me."

"How can I cheat on you when we haven't started anything?" Heero said a little petulantly.

Duo's jaw fell slack. "I was with you for six weeks before this. And you said…" His face fell, bringing hurt filled eyes to meet Heero's. "I have the answer to my earlier question. It is sex. We have nothing more to talk about." He tried pulling his hand away, but Heero held on tight.

"What?" Heero asked confused. _What constitutes as a relationship? Oh no. "No, that's not what I…" He cut off abruptly, hearing someone walking towards them. He shook off Duo's hand like it was on fire and stepped back, schooling his face into a somewhat casual expression. When the person walked past and disappeared around the corner, he turned back towards Duo._

The other man seemed to be even more hurt than before and he seemed to be staring at his hand. The one Heero had been holding. "You're ashamed of me," Duo whispered, looking at Heero with raw anguish written on every line of his face. 

Heero started shaking his head. "No, I…"

"You didn't want that man to see us," Duo said, dazely. "You're afraid of what he thought of us."

"What we do is our business, Duo. We don't need a witness," Heero tried desperately to explain but knew it was useless. 

"You're ashamed of me," Duo shrank away when Heero tried to come closer. Shaking his head at Heero, then turned and ran.

Heero buried his aching head in his hands, remembering the night where everything turned out horribly. If he thought he still had a chance with Duo, last night had effectively ruined whatever miniscule opportunity left for them. How could he screw up so badly? All he wanted was Duo back with him.

Unfortunately, Duo was right on a few counts. He was uncomfortable with people finding out he was homosexual. Dancing with another man in a crowded club was fine, no one paid it a moment's notice, but arguing and making up on the sidewalk wasn't all that subtle. But that doesn't mean he was ashamed of Duo, in fact, he was extremely proud of him. Heero knew he needed help. There were things that Duo kept from him that impaired him from making a proper course of action. And in all business deals, lack of information was the downfall of any negotiations. Yes, that was it. He didn't understand relationships all that well, but he knew what to do to secure a deal. 

And Duo was one deal he intended to secure.

Step one: Gather information.

Step two: Grovel at feet of said 'deal' and apologise like hell, once he knew what to apologise _for._

Step three: To be decided if Step One and Two can be accomplished.

To get to Step one, Heero would have to brush up on his grovelling skills in preparation for Step Two. He picked up his phone and dialled Trowa Barton's personal number.

~*~

Heero was still quite embarrassed by the day he had so far. He had been dictating a letter to his secretary and lost his train of thought twice. He stared out of his twenty-fifth floor office window staring into space while his secretary continued to stare expectantly at him. In a fit of indecision, he had actually cleared his throat to get his boss's attention, to which he was asked to take the day off if he had strep throat. The moment lunch hour rolled along, Heero had sprinted out of the office like a bat out of hell and headed towards Winner Industries a few building blocks from where he was.

After much wheedling, Trowa had agreed to meet with him; but even over the phone, the other man's voice could cause hell to freeze over. It had been Trowa's condition that his blond husband be at the meeting as well. No matter how much Heero wanted it to be otherwise, he was willing to accept any conditions provided Duo would be returned to him.

He was shown into Quatre Winner's personal office. It looked very much like his own, with windows surrounding all sides. There was a couch that looked suspiciously like a sofa bed and a smile played about his lips, imagining the normally prim Quatre pinning Trowa to it. Normally prim at the conference table that was.

"Mr Winner and Mr Barton will be in soon, Mr Lowe. Would you like a drink while you wait?" Quatre's secretary asked pleasantly.

Heero shook his head and was left alone. This was the first time he had seen the inside of Quatre's office, having been in Trowa's more often. They had met when Trowa was hired to head up the mergers and acquisitions team a few years back and cupid's arrow had struck. Heero had teased Trowa mercilessly about sleeping with the boss. A small section of framed photographs caught Heero's eye and he got up from the plush couch, heading in that direction. There were about ten pictures in that showcase. Most of them were of Trowa and Quatre, some of which taken at their wedding. Heero had been out of the country and hadn't made an appearance. He wondered idly what would have happened if he had and met Duo there. He smiled at one candid shot where Duo had made horns behind Trowa, grinning like a kid. There were other pictures of the three of them as well, and in every one of them, Duo was either annoying Trowa with pranks or throwing his arms around the blond. 

Duo always loved a hug.

Another frame caught his eye. It was tucked in the corner, lying face down. Curious, he picked it up and stared. He was unable to stop the jealousy that swamped him unexpectedly. It was a picture of two couples. Trowa and Quatre he recognised. Duo was there as well and… someone else. It appeared to be of a picnic and taken when the four were unaware. Quatre was feeding Trowa something, and Trowa was smiling affectionately at him. 

The other two… 

The picture was of Duo's profile and he appeared to be smiling tenderly at the man who had his head in his lap. One hand was in the midst of stroking the other man's forehead. He felt somehow cheated, that Duo would gift that man the smile Heero wanted so desperately from him. It was a sort of sated smile one would spare for a lover after a long night of passion and one he had never had from Duo. He turned his attention to the man. He was, if Heero admitted it, as stunning as Duo was, with strawberry blond hair. He was returning the same annoying, sappy smile that Duo was giving him and was reaching up to touch Duo's face. It appeared to be a picture of domestic bliss and it gnawed at Heero viciously. 

Why would Duo give this man something and was unwilling to do the same for Heero? What was so special about this man and why was it so different with Heero? The unfairness of it all made him angry.

"That's Solo," Quatre's quiet voice came from behind him.

Startled, Heero dropped the picture and it fell with a muffled thud on the carpeted floor. He raised cobalt eyes to meet frozen aqua and fiery green. "Who?"

Trowa motioned for him to sit and he joined his partner opposite the couch. "The man that ripped Duo's heart out."

Icy cold claws of excitement raked Heero's insides. Finally, he was going to get answers.

"And you are just like him," Quatre accused.

"How?" Heero blurted.

"Solo cheated on him, just like you did."

Heero's jaw worked convulsively. "Tell me."

It was a very simple and predictable story. Solo was Duo's childhood friend, someone who the long haired man trusted implicitly. Duo thought he could have forever and found Solo wrapped in another man's arms one day. And that was it. It had been six months since the break up and for the first time since then Duo was interested in giving relationships another try, Heero blew his chances sky high. There was more to it, judging by the controlled expression on both of his friend's faces, but for Heero, it was enough information for now. 

An hour later, a very subdued Heero left Winner Industries with a new game plan in mind. If he had known… But it was no use berating himself now, what was done was done. Now he needed to put Step Two into action.

He now had a bigger concern. How did one go about winning Duo Maxwell?

tbc…

Shall it go on?


	9. Winning Duo Maxwell

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi), major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Eight: Winning Duo Maxwell

Hilde peeked out of the pantry at her boss who seemed more depressed by the day. Duo was slumped over his laptop, chin propped up on one fist checking the finishing on Relena Peacecraft's wedding pictures. He sighed, his eyes raking over the elegant picture Heero made in his tuxedo. It was another failure in Duo Maxwell's life. Easy come, easy go. He sighed again. His mind flittered back to two nights ago. It had been a horrible confrontation. 

Why did everyone wanted him for sex?

_Maybe it's your sexy, delectable bod? Brian was back and cackling evilly._

_Go away._

_Didn't you miss me?_

_Where were you when I needed you to kick my ass? Duo accused. _

Giving up on the pretence of working, Duo saved the file and began surfing idly through the Internet, but his mind was still one hundred percent on Heero Yuy. He had seemed completely baffled when Duo asked him what made a relationship. Could it be that Heero really didn't know? That made it even worse. How would he explain something like that? Was Heero worth explaining to?

_Yes… No… Maybe?_

_You sure know how to pick them, Brian told him and Duo could only agree. He wondered if he should just take the day off and go see Wufei. He needed to work off some tension and Wufei's punching bag was always and effective tool. Or was it Wufei as a punching bag? But ever since that unexpected incident on the streets, Duo had been a little afraid to go back. It was different than facing your past when it was chasing you, intent on eating your soul. No, it would do him good to stay away for a while. Shinigami came a little too close to the surface. Duo was so sure he had left him behind when Wufei, Solo and him left the streets. Apparently, all Duo did was bury him deep within himself._

Besides, he would see Wufei soon. Another one of Quatre's dinner was in the works and this time, he had made sure his friend didn't have a blind date waiting for him. Besides, the couple had already learnt their lesson with Heero Yuy. Causing eternal heartache was something friends shouldn't do to other friends.

An article on one of the on-line newpapers caught his eye. He sighed with relief this time. Ms Ice Queen was out of the country for at least a month. That meant no annoying calls for at least a month. Heero no longer came on Relena's behalf. That meant a hiatus for which to clear his head. 

_And trust me, you need it, Brian quipped. _There's a lot of crap in here.__

_You don't say, Duo replied ruefully. It didn't bother him one bit that he was actually carrying on a conversation with his own sub-conscious. It was better than tangling with Shinigami._

"Boss?" Hilde called out hesitantly. "Are you okay?" 

Duo tilted his head and smiled at his assistant, sitting up. His back ached in protest. "Ow," he winced, rubbing at it. 

Hilde immediately looked concerned. "What's wrong?"

Duo flashed his best smile. "Bad posture. So, what's up?"

"Uhm…" She had something behind her which she took out uncertainly. "I didn't know if I should give it to you." It was the size of a jewellery box and festively wrapped, with a card attached.

"A present?" Duo brightened considerably. "For me?" He reached out and took it from Hilde. He shook it cautiously, noting that it didn't rattle. Something soft, his mind told him. 

Duo loved presents. His childhood left him with a hunger for it. Not that he expected it from anyone, but every present he got was cherished and lovingly kept even if he really hated it.

"Read the card," Hilde told him.

Duo frowned at the air of worry that surrounded Hilde and took the card from the envelope. The colour drained from his face at the message.

_Duo,_

_I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am going to try asking for it anyway. I am going to win you back, even it is the last thing I do. I have a plan to that affect. Stage one is in your email. Stage two is in your hands. Everything else is up to you._

_I love you._

_Heero._

He gripped the plain card and the box, now unsure of whether to throw it across the room or to open it.

"Boss?" Hilde asked.

"When…" He took a deep breath. "When did this come?"

Hilde bit her lip. "This morning, you were out and I didn't know if… He came by this morning to drop it off."

"How did he look?" Duo almost kicked himself for asking.

"Like a train wreck."

For some reason, that made Duo feel better. At least he was not the only one who felt like shit right now. While happiness was enjoyed by everyone, shit was meant to be shared, in Duo's biased opinion. 

"He had this really weird gleam in his eyes," Hilde continued. "He scared the hell out of me, but he didn't insist seeing you like he usually did. He just told me to make sure you got that," she nodded at the box in Duo's hands. "You want me to throw it out?" 

Duo stared at the box and at his computer, gnawing at his lower lip in indecision. He hadn't checked his mails in days. He reached out for the mouse and clicked his inbox. There were about fifteen unread mails but after a quick scan, he found the one he was looking for. He felt slightly nauseous from all the nerves and he swallowed hard. His finger hovered over the mouse, wondering if he really wanted to read what Heero had to tell him. Coming to a decision, quickly clicked on the message before he chickened out.

It was a blind copy to him, from Heero. It was a message to Relena.  Very brief yet satisfactory.

_I'm ending our engagement. Speak to you when you get back. Heero._

A smile appeared from no where and seemed to slap itself on Duo. He felt his pulse race as excitement and joy thundered through every single pore in his body. This was not a dream.

_Nope, Brian assured. __I would pinch you, but I have no fingers._

_Shut up._

This was for real. Heero was choosing, finally choosing between his responsibility and his heart. And Heero chose Duo. This was really happening.

"Duo, are you sure you are okay?" Hilde asked apprehensively. Her boss was now grinning like an idiot. It was true that her boss's moods were sometimes mercurial, but this was totally weird.

Duo ignored her and stared at the box in his hands. He ripped the wrapping apart like a kid on Christmas morning and pulled the cover off the box. He lifted a gorgeously made bracelet that had a flat band for inscription. It was tasteful and wasn't too feminine. He would have gone off the deep end if Heero had given him something ridiculous like a plushie. He turned the bracelet over and read what Heero had engraved.

_Forgiveness is a gift from you. I'm sorry. H_

Duo felt as if his heart was about to explode. He still didn't completely trust Heero's intentions, but at least he was doing something for them, for their future. Duo felt himself taking a small tentative step along the long road towards trusting Heero Yuy.

_You're a sucker for punishment, aren't you? Brian observed._

_You think so? Duo asked worriedly._

_He seems like he is doing the right thing._

_Should I trust him?_

_You have already started to again, Brian shook his head._

"What are you going to do?" Hilde asked, bringing him back to the here and now.

"What should I do?" Duo asked Hilde.

Hilde sat next to Duo. "Can he be trusted?"

Duo smiled ruefully. "Now that's the million dollar question. Ask me a month ago, I would say 'yes' without a doubt. Now, I can't even say 'maybe' without a doubt."

_Saying 'maybe' means you doubt, genius, Brian laughed._

_You are my sub-conscious not my English teacher, Duo replied a little miffed._

_I'm not the insane one who's talking to myself, Brian returned before dancing away._

"What do you want to do?" Hilde ventured.

"Kiss him? Forgive him? Have mind blowing sex with him?"

"Whoa," Hilde cried, holding up her hands. "Too much information." She turned serious. "Really, what do you want to do?"

Duo shrugged. "I want very much for him to take care of me. I want very much for me to trust him. I want to see how he is going to win me as he says" He sobered. "But I don't know if I can."

Hilde felt a bubble of joy at the returning spirit of her boss. This was the Duo Maxwell she knew, and if this one man can give him so much _life, she would try to support him all the way. "I think you should give it one more try. Call him." She got up and left him alone._

Duo decided not to call Heero. He didn't even know what to say to him. He turned towards his laptop again, staring at the email he received. Deciding what to say, he hit the reply button and typed furiously before he had the chance to change his mind.

_Stage one and two clear. Points received, unclear. Proceed to Stage three._

He pressed send and leaned back against his chair, fingering the bracelet reverently, realising Heero had touched this. He didn't normally wear jewellery and no matter who this was from, he felt uncomfortable putting it on. In the neighbourhood, wearing excessive jewellery was a bad invitation and years away from it hadn't dulled his training. No, he will keep it. Maybe he would have a little 'Heero's jewellery gifts to Duo' drawer before this was over. He put it away into the box and stored it in his drawer, unable to stop smiling. Damned if he was sappy. And this was the man who brutally tore his heart out.

_But he's trying to piece it back together, Brian said._

_Aren't you supposed to play Devil's Advocate?_

His cell phone rang abruptly, startling him. He stared at the caller ID and realised it was Heero when he saw the private number message flashing. It rang a few more times while Duo continued to fight with himself.

_Just answer it, Brian told him._

He decided to take Brian's advice and he quickly pushed the green button. "Hello?" He said tentatively.

"Duo," Heero sighed. 

Duo could almost see the smile on his face and heard the overwhelming relief in the other man's voice and could almost make himself believe that Heero actually missed him. "How have you been?"

"Worried sick."

"About?" Duo teased. He wasn't going to let Heero off so easily despite having decided give their relationship another try. He was going to make Heero work for it this time. Maybe Quatre was right, play hard to get this time… uh… hard_er to get. _

"You know what about," Heero said, seriously. "I want us to start again. I want us to be like a normal couple. I want us to go on dates. I want us to celebrate weird anniversaries. I want us to argue about which movies to watch. I want us…" He trailed off.

"You want us…." Duo prompted. _To be together again,_ he added silently to himself. _And I want you to know what that means to me._

"That's it, I want us. I understand now where I screwed up. I want you to give me a chance. I won't ask you to trust me. I'll have to earn it. I just want a chance to show you I deserve it." Even through the phone, Duo was stunned by the sincerity in Heero's voice. If he was lying, Duo knew that he would be one hell of a liar.

"I'm afraid, Heero," Duo admitted, unabashedly. "You did the one thing I was afraid you would do."

"I know," Heero said, sadly. "Can you spell idiot?"

"H-E-E-R-O," Duo joked and that won him a laugh, easing the tension.

Heero sighed heavily over phone. "I wish I could see you, I wish I could hold you and beg for your forgiveness, but I know it is not going to be easy."

A sudden worry assailed Duo. Did Quatre tell Heero something? "How… Why are you doing this all of a sudden?" He forced the question out.

There was silence and for a minute there Duo thought they got disconnected. "Because I just had a taste of being without you for two weeks and I know that's not want ever again. I love you, and I want to show you how much."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Heero Yuy?" Duo was astounded at how vulnerable Heero sounded. 

Heero laughed. "I'm still all here, love. I just want you to know, you are under no pressure. If you decide to end it right now, I will let you go. Just say the word."

_What if I don't want to let go? Duo said silently. The conversation was getting to heavy and he was still not prepared to accept it right now. _

"What you did to Relena was low," Duo told him, not very happy with Heero for doing something this important via email.

Heero sounded serious, but completely unrepentant. "I just wanted to show you that I was serious. I needed you to understand I am prepared for this."

"I am now imagining her charging back here and twisting your ear, before hunting me down and shooting me like wild game." Duo smiled to himself.

"That's the best thing," Heero told him gleefully. "She is stuck in Sanq for some weird royal thing and will not be able to come back for an entire month." He sighed blissfully. "Relena free month. O what joy!"

Duo chuckled, amused at the evident relief in Heero's tone, but sobered instantly. "She still will hunt me down and shoot me like game. Besides, she knows where I live."

"_She knows and __I don't?" Heero asked him disbelievingly._

Duo really didn't want to get into that right now.

"So," Duo said, changing the subject. "What does Stage Three involve?"

Heero sighed, knowing what Duo had done on purpose. "A date."

That was the last thing Duo expected. "A date?" He echoed, uncertainly. After that first dinner, Heero had hardly taken him out. He said he didn't want too much attention. At that time, Duo didn't realise Heero was afraid to be tagged as a homosexual. "Are you sure?"

There was once again silence. "I want us to go somewhere. I want to show you off. I want everyone to look at you and wish that they are the ones that are going home with you. I want…"

"Enough," Duo cut him off laughing. "If you are looking to make me blush, you are doing a damned good job of it." He was also feeling a warmth and tenderness from the top of his head right down to his feet.

"So is Stage Three on?" Heero asked uncertainly.

Duo knew he was lost. He might as well get lost with Heero. "How should I dress?"

tbc… 

Lame is my new middle name


	10. First date… again?

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Nine: First date… again?

Duo felt Heero was taking the whole 'plan' thing and making it into this huge secret. He loved the whole mystery of it, but it was getting old pretty quick. He had thought Heero would arrange for the date the day he called, but two days has passed and Heero has yet to confirm the venue. Personally, he was getting pissed off.

_You are so eager to get him in the sack? Brian asked mischievously. _

Duo mind went blank for a while. _Oh my God, would he?_ It's not as if he minded sleeping with Heero, but the timing would be completely off. Going on a date doesn't necessarily mean Duo was ready to give his heart to Heero on a silver platter.

_Having sex doesn't necessarily mean giving your heart, Duo, you're not an onna._

_Now, my sub-conscious speaks Japanese. You'd better be glad I'm not an onna._

_You're changing the subject, Brian accused._

_I don't care._

Passing the phone in his apartment, Duo felt his hand twitch. Should he dial the number he knew so well he could do it in the depths of darkness with his eyes blindfolded in a screaming tornado? 

_You are so melodramatic, Brian told him._

Coming to a decision, Duo reached out towards the phone only to have it ring unexpectedly. He nearly jumped ten feet into the air, gripping one hand over his pounding heart.

"What?" Duo yanked the receiver up to his ear and snapped.

"Glad we are feeling so congenial today," Heero teased and Duo could hear the slight smile in his voice.

"You scared the hell out of me," Duo grouched, his heart still running a mile a minute.

Heero snickered softly. "Don't you expect the phone to normally ring?"

"Yeah, but not when I'm waiting next to it," Duo groused before he could properly compute what he just said. He felt all the blood rush to his head. 

"You… were waiting for my call?" Heero had bastard mix of delightful joy and disbelief colouring his tone and it annoyed the hell out of Duo, who already had a hard time of dealing with his own embarrassment.

"For your information, I was expecting an important call," Duo decided to bluff.

Unfortunately, Heero decided to call his bluff. "Oh really? Who?"

The silence stretched and finally Duo caved. "Did you call me just to annoy me or what?" Because if you are, I…"

"There's a carnival on the opposite side of town tonight, can I meet you there?" That came out in a rush and was totally unexpected.

Duo sat there doing his fish impression for God knows how long before Heero hesitantly asked, "Is that a no?"

"Yes, I mean, no, I mean, no, it's a yes. That's wrong, yes, it's a… wait," Duo cut himself off, realising he was babbling. "What time?" He sighed.

~*~

Early evening found Duo speeding along in his car, searching for the carnival grounds. He had seen the article in the newspaper a few days ago and had been tempted to go. Normally, people went to these things with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Since he was missing one, the idea didn't seem all that attractive to him. He was a little confused. Heero had wanted to meet him here, instead of insisting to pick him up like he usually did. He followed the sight of the huge Ferris Wheel to find the parking lot. As he got out of the car, he searched for Heero's familiar four wheel drive. Coming up blank, he walked up to the gates and waited there for Heero as he was instructed. After a few moments, he glanced at his watch, checking the time. Well, since he was early, he could wait a few minutes. He saw a familiar bob of a blond head.

_Quatre__?_ Duo thought. _Is that Quatre? What the hell is Mr Billionaire doing at a carnival?_

"Duo," the blond head called out excitedly, waving at the long haired man.

It _was Quatre and his silent husband Trowa walking next to him. _

Duo resisted an urge to curse. This was all he needed, his friends to know he was with Heero, or at the very least considering it again. He almost blushed at the nights he spent, whining over the phone to Quatre about Heero and how riled he had made him. Quatre probably hate Heero now and it was all his fault. 

And now….

Duo cringed at the thought of showing up on a _date_ with Heero and let him meet the condemnation and I'll-rip-you-a-new-one look in the normally mild mannered blond's aqua eyes. 

"Hi, Quat, Trowa," Duo greeted, hoping to hell that his voice didn't appear too nervous, or like someone just kicked him in between the legs. Watching his friends wincing, Duo knew his voice box has probably hit a sound barrier. Damn, be calm, be cool. 

_You are a cucumber, Brian was back a cackling._

"Fancy meeting you here," Quatre hugged him tightly. "What a coincidence," he told Duo brightly, stepping back.

There was definitely something _off_ with Quatre's greeting and the exasperated roll of Trowa's eyes spoke volumes to Duo. There was something going on here that he was not privy to.

"Is there something I should know about?" Duo narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Something flickered behind Quatre's eyes and Duo almost called him on it. This man sucked at playing poker. "Are you here alone?"

Trowa nudged his husband almost imperceptibly. 

Duo had had it. "What are you guys doing here?" He asked, point blank, enjoying the way the two of them flinched. "This isn't your usual hang out. What are you planning?" 

Trowa's sigh could have parted hair. "Duo, I want to introduce you to someone," he interjected before Quatre could speak further.

The alarm bells that had been silent for the past two months now renewed their ringing with disturbing vigour. "Trowa," Duo started, the tone of warning clearly evident. "Don't you even dar…."

"Yeah," Quatre chirped, nervously. "This is Trowa's best friends, Heero Yuy." The two of them moved aside to reveal Heero, who had been partially concealed by Trowa's taller and broader form. "This is the friend I was talking about, Duo Maxwell."

Thought thoroughly confused, Duo's features lit up brightly taking in shining cobalt eyes and the messy mop of hair. "What?" He took a step towards his date. "I know…" He was stopped by Heero's hand thrusted into his midsection. 

"Nice to meet you, Duo," Heero smiled. It was a wicked sort smile. As if he was in some conspiracy. And he bloody hell was. The damned conspiracy to confuse the living daylights out of Duo Maxwell, and not doing such a bad job of it as well. He took hold of the hand Duo hesitantly held out towards him.

"What are you doing?" Duo hissed at him, getting a little sick of the knowing, pleased smiles gracing Trowa and Quatre's features and the fond one on Heero's.

Heero's dark blue eyes entreated him, pleading with him, as if it said 'Play along'.

Duo shook his head, resigned and let out a soft snort. His bland expression said plainly 'Whatever, but I will get an explanation later'. Then he smiled vapidly at Heero. "Heero is it? Nice meeting you."

There was a easing of tension amongst the three opposite him.

"Shall we?" Trowa hinted, steering a now bubbly blond around to enter the carnival grounds.

_So, he wants me to play blind date? Duo thought with a tender smile. _What a crazy notion. Still, it must have taken an extremely long time for Heero to convince Quatre that he wasn't going to rip my heart out again._ Abruptly, he realised Heero still had their warms hand clasped, and the other man was currently tracing circles with his thumb at the back of Duo's hand._

Heero realised this at the same time and instantly let go. "Let's go."

Since they were playing at 'Just Met', Duo decided a little teasing was in order. "Tell me, your first blind date?" He asked casually.

Heero had on a smile that was a weird mix of tender protectiveness and fond affection. "Yes. And you?"

"Nah," Duo told his 'blind' date jauntily. "This is my fifteenth."

"What?" Heero blurted, his eyes boring holes in the back of the couple a head of him. "Omae O Korosu."

Duo burst out laughing. _That'll teach them,_ he thought with no small amount of satisfaction.

~*~

Duo leaned back against the familiar upholstery of Heero's four wheel drive as they sped away from the carnival. Trowa and Quatre had offered to drive his car back to the Winner Mansion while he spent more time with the other man. That and to find out what the hell was going. Heero was wonderfully talented at playing at being mysterious and toward the end of the evening, Duo just wanted some answers to all the confusion swirling in his head. He had liked how this evening had played out. Hell, it had actually been fun. He gazed fondly at the back seat at the two plushies he had dumped there. Heero had insisted winning at least one for him. Duo recalled the conversation with a quiet laugh.

"Duo," Heero asked, throwing away the wrapper for a corn dog Duo had _insisted_ was the best food in the entire world. It was palatable, and Heero decided that there were worst things in this world to eat. The live grubs he had tried in China were one of them.

"Hmm?" Duo answered, distractedly, his attention still focused on happily munching his own dog. This setting was something he was familiar with, and comfortable with. 

"We are on a date right?" Heero continued.

Duo rolled his eyes at his 'date'. "You think? And we have yet to speak about the whole blind date thing."

Heero had the decency to look mildly chagrined. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, we have been on rides, ditched our chaperones, took some weird pictures that had me stick my head on top of a skimpily dressed woman's and ate a pretty horrific looking sausage filled with goop, wrapped in a bun. I think that satisfies most of the date requirement."

Duo was still a little offended with the statement about his beloved corn dog. "So?" he said, petulantly, stuffing the remainder of his corn dog into mouth. But he had to admit, ditching Trowa and Quatre was fun. At first, both their cell phones rang off the hook by a worried Quatre but it appeared that Trowa had managed to convince his partner to have some of their own fun. After all, the Winner heir hardly had the opportunity to have what they called 'normal people fun'. 

"I think we are missing something," Heero announced, his eyes still searching for something. Then he saw it. "Come on," he told Duo, grabbing his hand and pulling the smaller man along.

"Hey," Duo protested as he was tugged along like a dog on a leash, his yard long braid whipping in the air. "Where're we going?" He stared at their intertwined fingers, and something gave way in his heart. He thought it was probably past pain and the pent up frustration. Heero finally understood what Duo wanted of him. He was shown Duo throughout the night where once public displays of affection made him uncomfortable, he was making a conscious decision to not let it disturb him quite so much. Duo was more grateful of that than anything else Heero had tried to accomplish tonight.

"Here we are," Heero announced, standing in front of a shooting booth. "I think it is a standard requirement for a carnival for me to win something for you. To show my prowess."

Duo decided that bursting out laughing at this point was not very polite. What an archaic notion. Romantic, a little silly but totally archaic. Still, he wasn't going to quibble on finer details. Besides, Heero looked absolutely _pleased_ with himself. 

"So," Duo asked him, hiding an indulgent smile. "You are supposed to win me a plushie?" Violet eyes surveyed the 'prizes' that hung from every where in that smallish tent. "I'm a woman now?"

"No," Heero was aghast. This was never what he meant. Then he realised he had actually given Duo a piece of jewellery earlier. The smaller man had proven many times over that being gay didn't give him any effeminate qualities. "That is so not what I meant. And the bracelet I gave you earlier, it didn't…"

Watching Heero flounder was just too much and Duo finally cracked a smile. "Don't worry. I understand you usually don't get a Canon digital camera as an I'm-Sorry gift on the first date," he quipped. "Let's win me a plushie, date-o-mine."

Heero relaxed and paid the operator for one round of rubber bullets and a plastic gun. He quickly eliminated all the targets with amazing ease. He put down the gun, and turned to Duo. "Your choice."

In mock seriousness, Duo took his choosing the many stuffed dolls, discussing their merits with an amused stall operator. In the end, he chose a large dog, he always had a soft spot of dogs. "Now it's my turn," he told Heero, dumping the plushie into his date's waiting hands. "Up for a game of darts?" He dragged Heero a few stalls down and paid the man for five of them.

Duo hefted one of the darts in his hand, feeling the weight. It felt no different from the knives that once meant life or death for him. For one painful moment he was sixteen again, his hands filled with blood and violence. The light in his eyes died and he threw the dart, as if it were a dagger, holding it from the tip. It hit the bulls eye.

_Flash.___

_The gangs, hurting the kids._ No one to protect them.__

Another bulls eye.

_Flash_

_Solo, running in, shoulder bloodied._ They have taken our territory.__

Another bulls eye.

_Flash._

_Do not play when you don't know who your opponents are. Knives flying through the air._

Another bulls eye.

_Flash.___

_Blood.__ Pain._

Another bulls eye.

"Duo," Heero called out, uncertainly.

Abruptly, the noise, the sounds of the carnival came rushing back to Duo and he found himself breathing laboriously, almost panting. He shuddered as he stared at the target. All five darts embedded in the centre and the awed looked of the operator. He had almost gotten lost again. 

"Are you okay?" Heero asked worried. For a moment there, it didn't seem to be Duo anymore. The light in the braided man's eyes just died. It scared the holy living shit out of him. 

Duo forced a smile. "Sorry, just spaced out. Now, I think it is your turn to choose."

Duo thought the night went pretty well besides that little incident that almost caused him to backslide into Shinigami. He watched as Heero slide smoothly into the Winner's driveway, his own car already waiting there and his friends no where in sight. They were nothing if not tactful. The car stopped next to Duo's and they sat there for a while in companionable silence.

"You have something to ask me?" Heero predicted.

"Ya think?" Duo mocked lightly. "What's with the whole blind date thing?"

Heero flushed, even Duo could see it in the dim light. "I just wanted us to start again. Like the past never happened. New slate, you know."

Duo understood it well. Fresh start, no history, no pain. "You're crazy. How you managed to convince Trowa to let Quatre go to a carnival I have no idea."

"Don't discount the wide eyed look Quatre has perfected," Heero laughed softly, turning to face the smaller man, taking hold of his hand.

"Like you have been kicking puppies?"

"You're acquainted with it as well."

Duo shook his head. "Intimately." He was enjoying this. No pressure, no emotional baggage, just the two of them, having fun. Talking about nothing. "Hey, there's this dinner at Quatre's."

"Weekly ones, the one we met?"

"Yeah, would you come?" Duo asked nervously.

"You want me to come?" Heero returned, seriously. 

"I have someone I want you to meet."

"Okay," Heero agreed. "Will he want to rip my head off as well?" He winced, remembering the dressing down he received from Quatre and the hostile stares from Trowa. 

Duo considered. "Probably. Would you come anyway? We can always make sure you have a spare head."

Heero reached out to cup the porcelain cheek, bringing their faces closer. "For you? Anything," he breathed. He watched as Duo's eyes closed as he offered his lips for a kiss. He looked down at the exquisite looking young man, dying to bring their lips together. No, it was still too soon. Duo may think he was ready to trust Heero, but it was still too soon. "I don't kiss on the first date," he told Duo. "But I want a second date."

Violet eyes snapped open. Duo was hurt that Heero would tease him like this, but seeing disappointment written on every line of Heero's face, he knew it was probably for the best. He should wait, at least until the closest thing he has to a brother decided not to rip Heero to bloody shreds. "Good night, Heero." He got out of the car and watched Heero pull away, giving him one last wave after promising to call.

He saw a slight movement at the window of the house and he waved impishly at the audience in the house. As he walked to the car, his thought was on how to explain Heero to Wufei before the Chinese man decided to get violent. 

_Yes, Heero would be a pain in the ass to explain, he thought._

tbc…

Creativity on hiatus… permanently.


	11. Fire

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

PartTen: Fire!!!

Duo wondered if it was a good idea to let Heero pick him up at his house. Then again, he decided against it. Not yet. Maybe later. 

Heero hadn't asked Duo out since the night of the carnival. Knowing a little more about the 'game' plan, Duo assumed Heero would want their 'second' date to be a mirror of their original 'second' date. He sighed, Heero was sure a pain in the ass about this. 

He checked his watch for the time and realised it was almost time to leave for Quatre's. He switched his laptop off and locked up the doors at his studio. Today had been a busy day and Hilde had called in sick. He had spent the day running errands and picking up calls, with little time spent on doing his own work. As much as he disliked admitting it, he had found a new respect for Hilde's work. Thank God he didn't need to go out on shoot today or everything would have just collapsed at the office. He toyed with the idea of getting Hilde an assistant.

Assistant to the boss's assistant. Odd title. Then he decided he was insane. Give Hilde anymore time on her hands, she would plan Duo's life out like a map. He shuddered at that thought. He walked over to his seven year old car parked on the curb just outside his shop and caressed the fender gently.

"Haven't been feeling well, have we, old girl?" Duo murmured softly to his car. It had been working up lately and Duo had been seriously considering getting a new one, but there were too many memories tied to this one. He slid into the driver's seat and started the engine. 

Nothing happened.

"Oh shit," Duo muttered, turning the key again. Not even a whimper. It looked like the battery was dead, completely. "Shit," he repeated as if he hadn't heard it the first time. Of all the times to die on him. He made a quick check under the hood just to make there was nothing else wrong with his little precious. 

"Well, seemed like your ticker died on you, little precious," he crooned to his car from underneath the hood. "Need to get you a heart transplant tomorrow? Hmm?" He straightened, and almost immediately, his hands flew to his back. "Ow!" He really needed to go to see a chiropractor or something. These aches were a pain in the ass, well they were a pain in the back, but….

Duo decided he would just call the mechanic the next day and let his little precious sleep it off in the open for the night. There was really nothing he could do anymore. Now, to get a lift to Quatre's. He fished out his cell phone and pressed the speed dial for Wufei. There was no answer at his home and his cell was engaged. 

Damn.

Duo considered a cab but how would he get one in the middle of town during rush hour? He stood on the curb, looking very much like an indecisive fool, staring up the street one minute and then to his cell phone the next. A car braked right in front of him, jerking him from his reverie. 

"Duo," Heero honked his horn lightly, to catch the braided man's attention.

"Heero," Duo smiled. "My saviour!" He clasped his hand dramatically and batted his eyelashes. He got into the passenger's seat and soon Heero was speeding off towards Quatre's home.

"Car trouble?" Heero asked.

"My little precious died on me. Had a massive coronary and died on me," Duo wailed dramatically, burying his face into his hands.

"You call your car 'little precious?'" Heero asked, lips quirked in a small smile.

Duo shrugged. "What else do you expect me to call it? Deathscythe?"

"What?" Heero said, confused, rolling his eyes at Duo. "Baka."

Duo's smile froze on his lips as memories of Shido came rushing back to him. He shook his head, trying to dispel the memories. He didn't want to spoil the night. After all, it was their second date and he was nearly shaking with anticipation. Their first kiss had been… well, to put it in a nutshell, sweet. Heero seemed to be kissing a guy for the first time and had been adorably awkward about it.

"I'm so not an idiot, Heero," Duo told his date.

Heero was surprised. "You understand Japanese?"

Duo shrugged, trying to cover his slip. He had forgotten that Heero didn't know much of his seedier childhood. "Product of a misspent childhood," he told Heero flippantly. Warm hands covered his pale ones.

"I want to hear all about it," Heero told him huskily.

Part of Duo was screaming 'No, you don't, while the other part just wanted to fall into those arms and let go of all his past pain. "Maybe some other time," he hedged, looking out the window.

Duo heard Heero sigh and cringed. He was doing it again, pushing Heero away. "When am I going to get through your defences?"

"Maybe some other time," Duo repeated, smiling sadly.

The subject was delicately dropped, but the tension was still palpable within the vehicle. Duo wished he had shut up now, having ruined a perfectly comfortable start to what may have a wonderful evening. He slumped against the seat, wondering if he should ruin it any further. He wanted to give Heero a chance to arm himself against a probably vengeful Wufei. More than probable; more like most assuredly. 

"Heero," Duo began, worrying his lower lip.

Still a little irritated, Heero grunted acknowledgement. Duo was like a sheer cliff. Every time Heero thought he managed to scale a little of it, he would lose his grip and fall to the ground again. It was damned frustrating. He knew the other man was making an effort to let down his defences but it wasn't working too well at the moment.

Duo sighed. He had hurt Heero with his reticence about his past - again. It has been getting to be a vicious circle. "About Wufei…"

"What?" Heero asked at length. Duo seemed to be struggling with something.  

The braided man felt words constricting his throat. He was stuck in between his past and his future. He had to try. "He's my brother," he burst out, watching Heero's reaction closely.

"Wufei's Chinese right?" Heero said in a tone that meant he was merely stating the obvious.

"He is the closest thing I have to a brother," Duo amended. "He took care of me when we were still running on the streets. Yeah, that's me, the filthy street rat. Not like your other friends with their double degrees and their perfect lives."

It was probably the wrong thing to say at that moment and Heero nearly rear ended the car in front of him. Duo felt his heart sinking. That was it, Heero was going to kick him aside when he realised that Duo wasn't near anywhere he was in reputation. Not from a family with pristine reputation and unblemished lineage. The Japanese manoeuvred the car to park by the side of the road, switched off the engine and turned, giving Duo his full attention. Heero saw the exquisite face before him, downcast and dejected. Violet eyes were unwilling to meet his. 

Heero was elated. Finally, some form of trust. Still, it was shocking to find out this successful young man before him, with his devil may care attitude and bright smiles had a childhood living in the streets. Duo probably thought he would condemn him off hand with that one announcement. Heero reached out placing a finger under Duo's chin to force the other man to look at him.

Duo was afraid to see revulsion reflected within cobalt orbs. He didn't resist the hand that forced his chin up and his breath caught. Instead of disgust, Heero seemed to have a different emotion written in every feature on his face. It was something new to Duo, having seen a few times only in recent years and it took a while to identify it.

Pride. Soft, gentle pride glowing within dark blue eyes. 

His mind made a double take. Heero was proud of him? Had he just died and gone to heaven?

_Nope, you are pretty much all here, Brian jeered._

When had he come back?

_Didn't you even realise I went to __Hawaii__?_

_Would you realise a thorn removed from your side?_

A phantom sniff. _I am truly hurt, truly, truly hurt._

Duo mentally screamed. _I am TRULY, TRULY INSANE!!_

"What?" Heero asked softly, blue eyes still glowing as he took in the heartbreakingly handsome heart shaped face.

"I'm not like your other friends, I am not from Harvard, or some other damned Ivy League crap," Duo seemed to have an overwhelming desire to drive that fact home. He felt Heero cup his cheek tenderly.

"Unfortunately for you," Heero breathed, leaning closer, their lips scant inches apart. "I am exactly like my other friends. I am from Harvard or some other damned Ivy League crap. I have I'm not a disappointment to you." Unable to stop himself, he brushed his warm lips softly against Duo's soft ones. He pulled away, sitting back and smiled evilly at the disappointment on Duo's face. "Later," he told the other man and started the car again, continuing their trip to their destination.

Duo was blown out of his mind. Heero hadn't mind in the least. He had actually been proud of Duo admitting it to him. Maybe, just maybe things would work out for the better and maybe Heero may just accept the rest of his sordid past?

_Hope is a wonderful but fragile thing, Brian muttered._

The rest of the trip passed in companionable silence. Heero had took possession of Duo's hand and refused to relinquish it no matter what the circumstances. He had finally breached one wall, and their warmly clasped hands was the tangible proof that it was not accomplished over anyone's dead body and hell has indeed not yet frozen over. Or at least, that's what the weather news announced. 

As the walked up the Winner's driveway, Duo was quickly muttering under his breath, trying to get everything about Wufei to Heero in one breath.

"Don't challenge him in any way, no hostile looks, no sudden movements, no bad body language…." Duo trailed off as Heero's hand tightened around his and he heard a small laugh.

"You make him sound like a skittish animal," Heero smiled, amused.

Duo was becoming increasingly frustrated. He didn't know how to make Heero understand he was _absolutely_ serious. "He is, Heero, at least where So… Sally and I are concern." Damn, that stupid name nearly slipped out. Duo hazarded a peek at Heero and seeing a slight confusion written on the Japanese's ruggedly handsome expression.

Heero carefully schooled his features into suitable lines of confusion. Solo was someone he wasn't ready to deal with when it came to Duo. He couldn't put it out of his mind the comfortable loving touching from the picture in Quatre's office. It was something he wanted for the two of them but knew Duo was still not willing to trust him yet. At least not too much. If he was willing to feed Heero a little bit of crumbs regarding his past, Heero was more than willing to wait. A little progress was better than no progress at all.

"In other words," Heero said blandly. "Don't feed the animals?"

Duo gaped at Heero, torn between laughing and screaming in frustration. Before he could put in anymore warnings, they had reached the front door and a frantic Rashid was yanking it open.

"Master Duo, please help," the normally composed man beseeched Duo.

"What happened?" Duo released Heero's hand and stepped into the house. 

The huge man was actually wringing his hands! Something was seriously wrong. Duo felt his heart crawling up his throat and lodging there. Was Quatre hurt? Or worst yet, dying? 

"Damn it Rashid, what?" Duo yelled, his worry transmitting into his tone clearly.

Rashid gripped Duo's shoulder tightly. "Please," he whispered. "Get Master Quatre to stop cooking, please."

Duo's mind went totally, blissfully blank as he stared agog at the still fretting Rashid and was dimly aware of a snickering Heero. 

"He's been puttering in that kitchen for the whole day now. The other servants are saying he has made enough food for an army." Rashid looked anguished. "If all of you don't die, _we _are going to have to eat it!!"

Duo shook his head, unable to stop incredulity bubbling from him in the form of laughter. "Thanks for your concern, Rashid."

Heero came up from behind him, claim his hand again and led them into the living room. Duo skidded to a stop at the sight of Wufei and Sally sitting on the couch, chatting idly with Trowa who was leaning against the fireplace. 

_Why would they need a fireplace when they have internal heating? Brian wondered idly._

"Courage," Heero whispered into Duo's ear, his blue eyes following to where the smaller man's was currently riveted. 

"Maxwell," Wufei greeted but obsidian eyes were trained solely on the Japanese man standing next to his friend. They narrowed threateningly, raking Heero from head to toe before smirking derisively at him.

Duo watched the exchange nervously, and his nervousness went up a notch when he felt Heero stiffened next to him. He felt the man next to him take a step forward, but he quickly pulled Heero back. "Don't start something. Please."

Heero gazed into Duo's beseeching eyes, his jaw tightening before giving a curt nod. "I won't let him provoke me."

_He won't have to, Duo thought forlornly, watching Wufei get up from his seat, flinging Sally's restraining hand away. _

Wufei strode up to Heero and stood almost nose to nose with him, while a random thought flickered insanely through Duo's head.

_They are both just as tall._

_Both just as hot, Brian jumped in._

_And if they hurt each other, just as dead, Duo promised._

"So, you are the asshole that broke my brother's heart?" Wufei started without preamble.

"Yes," Heero admitted. "And I am also the asshole who is trying to fix it." He faced Wufei squarely, not liking the Chinese's arrogance, but unable to fault his obvious concern of Duo.

"What makes you think I would trust something like you with fixing it again?" Wufei challenged, dropping his gaze to his brother, softening for a fraction before turning icy again. The warning was clear. 

'Stay out of this'.

"What makes you think I give a rat's ass what you think?" Heero returned, glaring icy blue orbs at Wufei's hard onyx. As if to ram in the point, the snagged Duo around the shoulder and held him possessively against his side. 

That gesture screamed one thing - 'Mine'.

The two faced off for several seconds, while Duo swung his eyes around the room, looking for help from some corner, _any _corner. Trowa seemed to be enjoying the scene and was smirking amusedly at the two males marking their territory, with Duo being the shared marking post.

_And do you know how animals mark their territory? Brian teased, following Duo's line of thought._

_Stay out of this._

_Gladly, Brian grinned, wrinkling his disembodied nose._

Duo finally stared at Sally, pleading for some help. She rolled her eyes roguishly, got up, and began walking towards her husband. She stopped next to Wufei and slapped him lightly on the back of the head.

"So," she announced with a trace of disgust in her voice. "Have the both of you finished peeing on Duo yet?"

That line was so close to what Duo was thinking he snorted with laughter and tried to stop it by covering his mouth with both hands. That served to break the tension within the room as Heero quirked a little grin and Wufei deigned to allow his stern features to relax slightly.

"Look, Wufei, right?" Heero soften his tone. "Admittedly, I have been an ass, but I am going to make things better with Duo. I'm not going to hurt him every again."

Wufei still looked uncertain, but obviously moved by the sincerity in Heero. He had to put one last threat it. "If you hurt him again, I am going to cut off your…" He was cut off by Sally slapping him on the back of the head again.

Heero smiled. "If I do," he pulled the man in his arms closer to his side. "I'll let you."

"Master Trowa, call the fire department! The kitchen is on fire again," Rashid's frantic call caught their attention and simultaneously, everyone burst into relieved laughter.

tbc…

Quatre: I don't burn kitchens when I cook!

Tsu: Your hair's on fire.


	12. Can I send you home?

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Eleven: Can I send you home?

Dinner had settled into a wonderful sort of domesticity after that. Trowa had to coax a pouting Quatre into the living room while the rest of the servants cleaned out the ravages made to the kitchen and whipped six hungry people something to eat. They handled the cooking fire well, apparently, the stove exploding into a fiery end was a normal occurrence in the Winner household. Especially during Quatre's cookout night. 

"Quat, it's just dinner," Duo smiled at the sulking Quatre.

"It was going to be delicious," Quatre insisted, crossing arms in front of him.

Trowa and Duo shared a knowing look before chorusing at the same time. "Of course it was, Quatre. Too bad, we were dying to taste it as well."

Quatre shot both of them a look that could have stripped paint of a wall before sinking into the couch again. "You guys are mean."

"We love you," the unrepentant two continued.

Aqua eyes glared at Trowa and threatened, "Guess who's sleeping on the couch tonight?"

"Why does Quatre want to sleep on the couch tonight?" Duo whispered conspiratorially to the emerald eyed man and was rewarded with a pillow to the face from an irate blond.

At the sight of everybody looking and feeling so relaxed, Quatre couldn't really stay angry, or pouty as the case was. Duo was actually sparkling with joy. The blond hadn't seen Duo this animated in a long time and it was caused by one Heero Yuy. He exchanged a warm look with Trowa, who had been observing Heero during the same time. The auburn haired man noticed a marked change in the normally stoic Heero Yuy Lowe. He seemed _softer somehow, for the past few days. He was more caring, more aware of other's feelings, well, not really others, more like Duo's feelings. Normally getting what he wanted easily, Heero didn't need to care what others felt about him, although Trowa knew there was a caring soul under all the layers. This was the first time Trowa had seen his friend worked so feverishly for something. Knowing Duo, he knew the smaller man was worth it, very much like his blond angel._

"This is nice," Quatre commented, stretching. "Like the last time before Solo…" He bit the rest of it off, his gaze flying towards Duo's stricken expression. 

Everyone in the room stiffened at the name and Duo seemed to wilt, looking surreptiously at Heero. He was stunned to note that there wasn't a hint of confusion written over Heero's normally stern features, only slight discomfort and concern.

Duo's head shot up and bored accusingly into Heero's. "Who told you?" His eyes swung around to settle on the guilty flush on both Quatre's and Trowa's cheeks. "How could you?" He whispered achingly and bolted into the patio.

"Winner, Barton," Wufei said, warningly. "There is no honour in what you did."

"I asked them for help, Wufei. I needed information to find out what I did wrong and how I was going to atone for it. I forced the issue," Heero spoke up, taking all the blame.

Wufei stared at the other dark haired man, unsure of whether to allow him to take the blame. He stood up abruptly. "I'll go see to Duo," he told the room and made to follow the path his brother took but was stopped by a muscular arm attached to one Heero Yuy.

"No," Heero said, firmly. "I believe that is my place." An unspoken communication passed between the two strong willed men, before Wufei nodded. 

Obsidian eyes followed Heero out the door into the patio with slight regret. He had official given his little brother over to Heero Yuy.

Duo leaned against the railing that separated the patio from the rest of the massive garden, staring dully into the night. He didn't know whether to feel pissed or horrified. Heero _knew. He _knew_ every single thing about him and Solo, well, actually he didn't really know how much Heero knew, but his friends, they went behind his back to tell Heero. _

The next question was how much was told? How far back did Quatre go?

"Duo," Heero ventured, unable to keep his eyes off the portrait Duo made, being bathed in the glow of the moon, casting his elfin face into a ethereal radiance.

Duo didn't turn, but noted Heero's presence. "What do you want?" 

"Will you let me explain?" Heero reached out to Duo, touching him lightly on the shoulder.

Duo flinched reflectively. "Explain what?" He turned to face the Japanese man. "How you went behind my back to find out things that I may not want you to find out about? How you conspired with my friends to betray my trust? How you showed me how low you can be?"

Heero bowed his head, sighing softly. He stepped closer to Duo. "Love."

"Don't call me that!" Duo yelled, turning and hugging himself. "You got back with me out of pity!"

"No!" Heero assured hurriedly. "I did it because I love you." Unable to stop himself, he grabbed Duo in a tight hug, ignoring the other man's struggling. "I was a fool. I needed to know, I need to understand. I couldn't make things better if I didn't understand. Please, love," Heero implored, burying his face into Duo's neck. "I wanted to give you back everything Solo took from you, the trust you gave so willingly, the love you offered so unconditionally. I want that to be us."

Duo arms twitched indecisively. Heero's words were having more effect on him that he was willing to admit. He told himself he didn't trust anymore, but Heero was doing his damnest to making Duo trust him again, trust him with his heart once more.

"I screwed up again, I know that," Heero continued to speak; hoping the words that came deep from his heart would have some affect on the young man he had hurt again. "Don't let this break us; I love you too much to let this break us. Don't let Solo come between us again, please, love."

_He's right, Brian told Duo seriously._

_So what?_

_Solo shouldn't be such a painful memory anymore. Admit it to yourself; you want what he wants as well._

_How can I forgive him?_

_There are other ways to make up Duo, just don't let something like break you again. You need him. Admit it._

_No…_

_ADMIT IT! _

Duo was tired of fighting, fighting Heero, fighting himself, fighting Solo's betrayal. He came to a decision. Hesitant arms crept up ones that tightly held him. He rubbed Heero's shaking arms soothingly. "I'm not going anywhere, love," he whispered softly.

Heero's head jerked up, and searched Duo's expressive eyes desperately, trying to find a very much sought after answer. Finding it, Heero moaned with relief, pulling Duo closer to him and was overjoyed to feel slender but strong arms enveloping him in return.

"I'm nothing but a street rat," Duo warned.

"I'll get rid of all the rat poison I have."

"I will never fit in with your Ivy league friends."

"I can't stand them anyway."

"Solo probably ruined me for life. I may never fully let go as I did with him."

"I wait until you can."

"I have a lot of emotional baggage."

"We'll get a bigger apartment."

Duo pulled away from the embrace but stayed in Heero's arms. "Are you sure? You really weren't a month ago. You never wanted this." He gazed deeply into Heero's cobalt blues.

"I was an ass a month ago," Heero told him simply. "People change, even in a short month. But my feelings for you have never changed Duo. I still love you just as I did last month. The only thing that has changed is my priorities and I did take that stick out of my ass you keep talking about." Now he smiled.

"Feels more comfortable, doesn't it?" Duo grinned.

"Lots," Heero grinned back at him. 

"Kiss me," Duo said, huskily. "I think the whole second date thing is…" He got no further as Heero gently lowered his lips to silence him.

"You talk too much," he told Duo before claiming the soft lips that he had dreamed of for so long.

Duo's lips part as an invitation and was immediately accepted by Heero. They tasted each other, as if for the first time. Maybe it was the first time. Their previous encounters had nothing of the emotion that ran through both of them now, nothing of the desire to not only pleasure, but to comfort each other as well, to share each other's pain, to love. Their lips teased and tantalised, their breath mingled, their bodies danced to the song of rising passion. It seemed an eternity, it was a moment, but all too soon, it ended. Unwilling to let go of the thing that he had chased for so long, Heero kept Duo trapped in his encircled arms, resting his head on the wealth of chestnut hair, breathing heavily.

"That felt different," Duo gasped, apparently in no better condition than Heero. "It was different from anything we did before."

"I know," Heero kissed the top of Duo's head softly. "Something has changed. Maybe it is me. Maybe I finally understand your question."

Duo remembered the question well. Maybe Heero had finally understood what it meant to be in a relationship. He _had stopped all his sexual innuendoes that made Duo so flustered. In fact, the word _sex_ hadn't even been uttered so far._

"Let's go back in," Heero invited.

Quatre and Trowa had apologised profusely to Duo when they went in but they had seen the warm glow on both men and the swollen lips. Duo had been pliant and forgiving. They sat down for a tasty dinner and it seemed like family. Duo had teased Wufei mercilessly and many times, Heero was actually afraid for his boyfriend. The Chinese man looked almost ready to rip the braided man's neck out, but Wufei merely shook his head and threatened to cut his braid off. They both knew their limits and had known each other too long to be insulted by a little teasing. It was close to midnight when Quatre decided to call it a night. He offered to have someone drive Duo home, seeing his little precious was not feeling well.

Heero snorted, realising everyone knew Duo's affinity with his car. It was disturbing to say the least. Sure some of his cruise ships had names, but he has never named his _car._

But… Wing would be a nice name for his car though. Then he realised just how much influence Duo had had on him. He was getting to be as insane as the braided young man who has claimed his heart.

"Heero," Duo called, shyly. "Can you send me home?" He felt all eyes on him, especially Wufei's disbelieving ones. It was time to let go a little more. 

Heero was stunned for a moment, unable to react. Part of him wanted to scream for joy, the other part was just screaming finally, finally, finally. 

Trowa noticed Heero was in a state of brain freeze at the moment and quickly jumped in. "We can…"

"I'll send him home," Wufei interjected.

Duo flushed deeply, embarrassed that Heero didn't appear to want to send him home. "Yeah, sure 'Fei. Maybe you coul…."

"NO!" Heero yelled, just a little heatedly. 

Every one turned to stare at Heero, shocked. 

"I'm sending him home," Heero cut in. "Now," he grabbed hold of Duo's hand and began pulling him towards his car. He didn't want to risk Duo changing his mind. It could happen all too easily. He practically threw Duo into the passenger seat and slammed the door securely behind him. No, Duo wasn't going to get away this time. He nearly ran to the driver's side and revved the engine before the door was securely closed. That done he pulled out of the driveway like a bat out of hell and continued driving for long moments before turning to Duo and asked a little helplessly, "Where do you live?"

Duo burst out laughing and gave Heero the directions. He settled back onto the upholstery, unable to believe all that had happened during the night. This Heero Yuy was not the one he had been having dinner with for the past few months. This Heero Yuy was a new and improved version, fresh out of the factory. This Heero Yuy, he liked. The kiss had been completely out of this world. The intensity of their kisses hadn't changed but the feelings behind them were different. Duo liked this difference, _a lot. He pondered on asking Heero in later. A slow bubble of excited nervousness grew in the pit of his stomach. Would he accept? Would he come in?_

By the time Heero pulled into his modest home, Duo was a mass of nerves.

"Very nice," Heero observed, taking in the white picket fence and the smallish two storey home.

"It's just something I used to dream about when I was younger. So when I had the means…" Duo trailed off. He wasn't sure who initiated the kiss this time, but it was just as sweet and just as satisfying. It left them wonderfully breathless. "Do you want to come in?"

Duo saw hunger in the dark blue eyes and Heero searched his earnestly, as if trying to decide if going in was a good idea. Long moments passed and a rueful expression crossed Heero's features. He leaned in, kissing Duo's forehead softly, tracing the smaller man's shoulder to waist with his finger. No, maybe not yet.

"Not every relationship is about sex," Heero teased, enjoying the way Duo's eyes widened at having his own words thrown back at him. He silenced Duo with a finger on his lips. "You are not ready. I'm not ready. We will wait," he continued to caress the braided photographer's lower lip with a thumb. "Thank you for offering. You have no idea what it means to me."

"This is goodnight?" Duo asked, disappointed.

"For now," Heero cupped the back of Duo's neck, bringing him close for another breath stealing kiss. It wasn't long before both men's pants felt incredibly tight. 

"Let's have dinner tomorrow night," Duo offered. "I have nothing in my kitchen, but we can call for a pizza or something?" He was unwilling to leave the car, to leave this delicious heat Heero was awakening in him.

Heero laughed a deep, throaty sound. "You don't have enough servants to put out kitchen fires like Quatre. I'll cook."

"So, it's a date?"

"You better believe it."

tbc… 

Heero: I'm finally going to get some?

Tsu: Of course! *snickers*

Guys, thank you all for your reviews!!! This is so great, my insane babble is actually liked by some people!! As promised, 60 reviews, next chappie. You guys know the drill… Loves you all for those who reviewed and those who keep reading.


	13. Facing the music

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Twelve: Facing the music

Heero was stretched out on Duo's couch, reading a write up on the latest acquisition his company was considering. Normally, it would have taken one hundred percent of his attention. Well, normally, pre-Duo. The said man was currently walking around the house idly, catching up on some housework. It was a very nice house and looked to be something out of a 80s family sitcom. It was decorated as such, and Heero felt it was more of a wistful desire than any real conscious thought put into it. It was as if Duo had hoped this was how his home would have looked like if his childhood had been different. 

Heero frowned, realising that Duo's childhood was still a very sensitive subject between the two. He had thought Duo would start opening up to him after that initial spark of hope, but the long haired man had remained stubbornly silent about it. What Heero found out about the oft times secretive man's past was what Duo inadvertently implied. Sometimes, it seemed like a slip of a tongue and Heero saw these little slips as parts that make up Duo as a whole. He found out that his boyfriend was an orphan and was sent to an orphanage that was burnt down later. Since then, he had been running in the streets until he met Solo, then Wufei. The details were 'sealed from public knowledge' as Duo quipped with a strained smile.

Heero had been learning to interpret Duo's smiles as well. And that pained one meant he had to back away from the emotional cliff before Duo pushed him over it. But, admittedly Duo had been more open about things, namely his past, than he was before. Maybe, Heero reflected, that it had very much to do with him. He had been a damned ass during the first six weeks of their relationship. More like a selfish ass. Duo's defences had been sky high during that time but self absorbed Heero hadn't really noticed, thinking Duo didn't trust him. He realised now it was merely a defence mechanism. Duo had it around for so long he didn't even know it was there anymore.

Putting those thoughts away, Heero let his heated blue gaze roam over Duo's slender back as he bent over to dust a bottom shelf, his rounded bottom sticking high into the air. The Japanese felt the heat rush to his loins as he felt the first stirrings of desire. He laughed ruefully at himself. He really had no self control when it came to Duo. He no longer pressured the younger man into a physical relationship but they had carried on like they did before. Kissing, petting, and other things that brought them both to the threshold of completion but he was careful to keep at least one article of clothing on them at any time. Duo had offered, but this time around, it was Heero who refused. Now, it was Heero who wanted a clean slate, and by that it meant the final showdown with Relena Peacecraft.

That name and the person brought a sour taste to his mouth.

That email had brought about some repercussions that Heero had anticipated but they still made him feel uncomfortable. He didn't tell Duo about the irate phone call he received from Relena from Sanq a few days after the email and the ringing in his ears days after. Duo just thought he was hard of hearing for a while. Those phone calls had continued during the past month, but they had been toned down since then. It had taken on an almost coaxing quality. Heero wasn't prepared to handle this from a distance and told her in no uncertain terms that they would speak of it when she got back. He went as far as to get his secretary to draft the cancellation of his engagement to be posted in the society's column. After Relena was his father. If he was honest to himself, it had scared him more than he cared to admit. Most of the time he felt like flipping the finger at Relena, but he was scared to death to disappoint his father. Even now, the thought sent his heart pounding.

As he warm gaze focused on Duo once again, he felt himself calming down. Whatever difficulties he was going to go through, if it was for Duo, it was worth it. For Duo, anything was worth it. Besides, he was the only heir to the Lowe fortune, and his father wasn't stupid enough to cut him off from the fortune. Odin Lowe believed very much in keeping the money within the blood and Heero was his only blood.

The past month had been completely idyllic. It had started with a simple dinner where Heero had cooked for them. 

"Hmmm…" Duo murmured happily tucking into the gooey lasagne, sucking in air to cool a hot mouthful.

Heero smiled at the other man's antics. "It's hot," he warned needlessly, suppressing a small smile.

Duo nodded gleefully. "Hmmm…." He repeated, his eyes closed in rapture. "I can't believe my stove works."

"How long haven't you used it?" Heero laughed. The two of them had spent the afternoon cleaning out the stove and making sure it was actually useable before they went out for grocery shopping.

Duo ducked his head, a flush colouring his otherwise pale cheeks. "Uh… Since the day I moved in?"

Heero coughed, choking on his soda. "And how long since you have moved in?" He couldn't control the smile that crept out this time.

"Hey, I do use the damned stove okay," Duo said, defensively, gripping his fork like a weapon, violet eyes flashing as if daring Heero to argue with him. "I make wonderful boiled water."

And Heero completely lost it. "I wonder how you didn't starve all this while," he teased, reaching to hold the other man's hand, caressing the back of it with his thumb.

"You learn to find food almost anywhere once you've been on the streets long enough," Duo said, softly, not meeting Heero's gaze.

Heero's smile faded, realising too late that he had hit a bit too close to a nerve once again. "Well," he changed the subject, hoping to get them on higher ground. "I hope to taste your tasty boiled water one day."

Duo jerked his head up to stare at Heero disbelievingly. He gifted Heero with a tremulous smile. His eyes held gratitude that Heero didn't pry into where Duo wasn't comfortable yet. "Thank you," he said softly, leaned over the kitchen counter where they had been sharing their meal and kissed Heero softly. Before he could pull away, Heero held on the back of his head and claimed a more satisfying kiss.

"I only want to see you smile," Heero announced, his gaze filled with warmth of understanding and love. He wanted nothing for himself if it meant Duo would find happiness everyday of his life.

He never knew Duo had such athletic talent as the braided man lunged across the counter and tackled Heero to the floor kissing him for all he was worth, hands frantically working to pull his shirt off. There was intensity to Duo's desire that wasn't there before, a need that frightened Heero a little. 

"Duo…" Heero moan softly, trying to stop this before it went any further. His senses were being blissfully assaulted and he coherent thoughts were flying out of his mind through Duo's skilful hands. "We have to stop. We…" He bit back another moan as Duo's teeth nip the sensitive spot along his jaw line. "Stop..." He held the other man's hands tight against his chest, tracing kisses along Duo's smooth forehead and temple.

Duo raised hurt filled eyes to meet Heero's own that were darkened with passion. "You don't want me?" It was an almost boyish question and one so plaintively asked that almost undid Heero.

The Japanese man groaned with pained laughter. "Gods, you know what you do to me, Duo. Don't ask me questions like that," and to prove his point, he grinded his heat against Duo's lightly.

"Then…" Confusion coloured Duo's features.

"We still many things to settle between us," Heero reminded, tweaking Duo's nose teasingly. "Relena, my father…"

"I don't care anymore; you've done so many things for me. I just wanted…" Duo was silenced with a finger on his lips.

"You are not ready," Heero told him, searching Duo's eyes. "I want to come clean, let me speak to Relena and we will do what ever you want. I promise."

Unable to help himself, Duo threw himself on Heero's chest. "I'm just so tired of being _lonely_," he sobbed, tears coming unbidden. "Hold me, please," he whispered achingly.

Heero shifted so that Duo lay fully on top of him. He merely held the sobbing young man, who pressed himself as close to Heero as he could, burying his face in the Japanese man's strong chest. "I'm here, Duo, I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere," he soothed, stroking Duo's heavy hair gently, his other arm tightly wound around the man's waist. He marvelled at the strong protective tendencies Duo brought out in him and he also treasured the glimpse of the boy beneath the flippant young man. Duo, the boy, was so lost, so desperate for love and that was so well hidden under the painstakingly constructed mask of a devil may care attitude.

Long moments passed and Heero thought Duo had fallen asleep. It felt _nice,_ Duo's weight on him. He had never just _held_ the man before. It always had been them groping at each other and once they climaxed, they moved apart and slept nearly on opposite sides of the bed. Heero loved Duo even from the beginning, of that he didn't doubt but the protectiveness was never there. He had always seen Duo as a strong man with background similar to his own but recent events had changed all that.

"I'm sorry," Duo mumbled, still fisting Heero's shirt, holding on like a lifeline. "I hate crying, I never cry. _Boys don't cry," he stressed._

Heero thought it sounded like a mantra to Duo, something that he had repeated so often it had become so firm a belief that it didn't allow to do anything else. "I love you," he told Duo simply. 

"That's enough," Duo returned with a soft sigh. Coming abruptly to himself, he slid off Heero with a guilty smile. "I got you all wet." He gestured to the drenched shirt Heero had on. 

Heero snorted, getting up and bending over to give Duo a hand up. As he pulled the other man up, Duo let out a groan of pain. "What's wrong?" He asked, concerned as Duo's hands went immediately to his back, rubbing at it. 

"Guess I sprained it, jumping on you," Duo teased with a smile. 

Heero shook his head and led them both out of the kitchen. In the days that followed, he found himself being a more permanent fixture in the Maxwell household. It started with a change of clothes; he had learnt something after the whole kitchen floor incident. Duo's clothes just didn't fit him well enough, being broader around the shoulders and thicker across the waist from the fey like man who owned his heart. Then it was other little things, his shaving cream, his perfume, his toothbrush, then the more obvious signs such as his laptop, his briefcase, his car. After two weeks of dancing around the subject, Heero had hesitantly asked if he could move in, and Duo had responded with a wide eyed look of innocence and saying, "You mean you haven't?" and threw open the closet, gesturing to Heero's clothes that took up half the space. 

And that, as they said, was history. 

A low groan brought Heero out of his reverie and to the present. Duo was bent over in pain, holding on to the shelf he was cleaning for support. Heero flew to his boyfriend's side in an instant, snaking a supportive arm around Duo's waist, shoring him up. Duo threw him a sheepish smile as Heero guided him slowly to the couch.

"It is still hurting?" Heero asked, frowning unhappily. He made Duo lie on his stomach and started massaging the spasming muscles around his lower back.

Duo moaned in pleasure as the pain eased. "Nothing to worry about. Just a stupid backache," he assured. 

This was getting worrisome. Heero had noted Duo's backaches more frequently during the past few weeks but bit his lip from saying anything. Duo hated being fussed over and like it even less over something as small as a pain in the back. But Heero noticed that sometimes, the pain wasn't all that _small_. During the worse attacks, it kept the long haired man up at night. His tossing and turning while trying to find a most comfortable position to sleep on kept them both awake at night. Not that Heero minded if Duo had just said something to him, instead of trying to be brave about it and keeping it to himself. After all, Heero thought guiltily, Duo got hurt while seducing him. And that still brought on a silly grin whenever he thought about it.

"I think you should see a doctor about this," Heero said, still working on the tense muscles there.

Duo shrugged, face buried in a cushion. "Don't worry about it…"

"How the hell can I not?" Heero scolded. "This has been going on for weeks now, and sometimes, you can't sleep from the pain, can you?"

Duo turned over, sitting up. "I've always had a weak back, Heero." He seemed completely serious. Which he usually was when he was trying to tell Heero a secret, tell Heero about his past. Then he hid the expression with his normal jester smile. "That's what you get for trying to stop a bullet with your spinal cord."

Heero's fists clenched and his jaw worked hard. He hadn't seen any scars on Duo's body and thinking about it, the briaded man probably had them worked on. He had been informed casually once, scars, very much like tattoos were an easy target for identification. Duo had wanted to leave his past behind and his scars were his past, therefore, they had to go. He wasn't ashamed of his childhood, but the scars were something he didn't want to see every time he looked into the mirror.

Just as fast as the moment came, it was gone and Duo was all grins and smiles again. Heero sighed inwardly, wondering when the masks would come down between them. The only time Duo was every completely comfortable, Heero noted with no small amount of jealousy, was when he was with Wufei. Heero wanted to be the one that put the expression of ease onto his boyfriend's face, to see him completely relax, to see the expression of complete openness. No masks, no walls, just the boy behind the carefully constructed man.

"Relena is coming back today?" Duo asked, though it wasn't really a question. He looked like he was caught between excitement and dread. 

Heero almost smiled. Confrontation with Relena meant sex for the first time but it also meant facing down the one person that had stalked Duo so relentlessly. He thought Duo was more than a little intimidated by his ex-fiancée. 

"Yup," Heero nodded. Just then his cell phone rang, scaring the hell out of the both of them. The two stared at each other, as if unable to process what to do. It continued to ring while the two continued to stare.

"I think," Duo croaked, his voice a few octaves higher from nervousness. He cleared his throat. "Answer it," he hissed finally.

Heero lifted his phone and showed Duo the caller ID that stated it was Relena. "Show time," he said, before pressing the answer key.

tbc…

Yoohoo!! Relena back to the fore! Wow, 70 reviews!! Thanks to all that read and reviewed this. Same reason for delay of update as mentioned in FC. 


	14. Let’s meet the snobs

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Thirteen: Let's meet the snobs

"So?" Duo followed Heero around the house. The Japanese man was doing his best to annoy the crap out of him. The phone call had been short with Heero grunting ever so often before hanging up. Then he got up and moved into the kitchen, and began preparing their dinner. "So?" He repeated, plopping himself onto the tall chairs behind the kitchen counter. 

Still silence.

"SO?" He yelled, garnering him a shocked look from Heero.

The man turned to him and sighed. "She wanted to meet me. Talk to me. I agreed. You heard me," Heero pulled open the fridge door and rummaged through it, trying to decide what to make for Duo tonight. The braided man ate practically anything, with more relish if there was sugar involved, which Heero had learned _never to feed him if the Japanese wanted a peaceful night. The only thing Duo didn't eat was Quatre's cooking; then again, anyone with some grey matter wouldn't as well._

"All I heard were a couple of 'hns' and 'hmms" and I am supposed to translate that to 'I see, I will meet you and tell you why I was so insensitive to break an engagement with you through cyber means and not call you like a sane man would? Oh by the way, I'm gay as hell, meet my boyfriend, you introduced him to me. Yeah, that's right, our wedding photographer, Duo Maxwell.'" By the time Duo finished his exasperated tirade, his chest was heaving heavily and his boyfriend had an amused look all over his handsome face.

"Wow," Heero said, impressed. "All that from a few 'hns' and 'hmms'?" He smiled teasingly but Duo continued to frown at him.

"You are so not funny," Duo grouched, hopping off the chair, wincing at the lingering ache in his back. He made a mental note to go see a chiropractor one of these days. He felt himself being snagged at the collar by his boyfriend.

Heero sighed, putting down the bread, keeping one firm hand around Duo's collar. "She sounded calm." He sounded really confused. "No shrill squealing, nothing," he shook his head as if to clear it.

Half off the chair, Duo felt himself being pulled back on it. Still a little miffed by Heero's teasing, he sulked a little, while his mind ran over what Heero had just said. "Maybe she likes the whole Lowe name idea and not you? Oh, God, which would make it even worse…" He ran his fingers through his messy bangs. "She is going to hunt me down and shoot me." 

"She wants to meet me tomorrow morning," Heero told him, expression caught between dread and nervousness. 

"And?" Duo asked, feeling his own nervous excitement as well. He knew what that meant. Clean slate, Heero's clean slate. Finally!

Heero quirked a grin. "I'm going; of course I have to go."

Duo rolled his eyes dramatically. "I meant what kind of weapons are you going to bring with you?" And that won him a laugh that worked to ease both of their tension.

"I was…" Heero started, hesitating a little. "Never mind…."

Duo reached out and touched Heero's hand, lacing their fingers tightly together. "What?" He prompted. "You are seriously considering weapons?" He teased lightly.

Heero looked up at him and the braided photographer's breath caught at the uncertainty he saw there. At some level, he knew the uncertainty was not about meeting Relena. That he knew Heero could handle alone, this was something more.

"I was considering bringing _you_," Heero blurted, unable to meet Duo's intense gaze.

Duo hopped of the chair and walked around the counter, hands still tightly held and stood in front of Heero, trying to peak at him around the down casted eyes. It wasn't very difficult when the Japanese topped him in height by about five inches. "I'll just have to wear my good Keflar jacket then."

Heero's neck snapped up, searching Duo's face with startling intensity. "You… you… mean it?"

"Well," Duo tried to be flippant, but his voice came out thick. Heero was doing this for them, for him. "I'm sure as hell not going to send you to the executioners alone." Then he was caught in a hug that forced the air out of him.

Duo saw tonight to be a sleepless one for them both.

~*~

Duo now knew how sacrifice victims felt as he walked side by side with Heero towards the Peacecrafts' looming mansion. It rivalled the Winners' but there was something distinctively sinister about the house. He wondered why they made sacrifice victims walk all the way up to temple, knowing what was waiting for them there. 

A murderous priest and a really large knife.

Also known as Relena Peacecraft and her tongue.

_Now that was one parallel I didn't see, Brian came bouncing from the back of Duo's head._

He almost groaned in pain. His irritatingly disembodied best friend was back with a vengeance. He hadn't heard from Brian in a long time and honestly, it had been a blessing. Hearing voices in his head made a schizophrenic and his mind was crowded enough as it is, with a repressed past identity lingering within.

"Gods, this place is freaking huge," Duo said, trying to cover up his anxiousness more than any real desire to make conversation. He wondered how Heero would feel if he accidentally peed in his car.

"I think Quatre's bigger," Heero answered, trying to make Duo feel more at ease.

"Yeah," Duo agreed. "But it didn't have the wicked witch of the east in it."

Heero sighed softly and Duo noted that he had been doing that a lot these days. That made him a little guilty. Was he the reason for Heero's problems? "She's really not so bad, Duo. She can be reasoned with…" He added at length. "…Sometimes."

Duo barked a short laugh. "This is the same woman you tracked me down like a dog with a freaking bone, the woman I had been working with for week," he stopped. "Wait, let me amend that, 'working for' is more like it. She seemed like a person who get what she wants and face it, man, she wants you." He swallowed the lump in his throat as they stopped in front of the house. "I think I'll wait for you here," he hedged, knowing full well he wasn't going to let Heero face the bitch alone.

Heero threw him a smile and they both got out of the car. "Come on, the faster we get this out of the way, the faster we can get on with the rest of our lives."

_Rest of our lives._

That phrase brought a rush of warmth to Duo. He wasn't sure what that meant but if he could spend the rest of it with Heero, it would be enough.

"Courage," Duo smiled at Heero, snagging his hand. It was the same thing Heero told him when he first met Wufei.

They were shown into Ms Peacecraft's private study by the family's butler, a distinguished man by the name of Pargan. They sat opposite each other. It was Duo's decision. After all, he didn't want Relena to die of a massive coronary the moment she walked into the room and see them cuddling. Not that Duo didn't want to wrap his arms around Heero and try to make this whole mess go away.

Relena breezed into the room and his blue eyed gazed settled on his ex-fiancé with a pleased smile. "Heero, it's been so long." She gave Heero a hug before stepping back, her eyes roaming all over the Japanese.

Duo felt like punching her in the face.

"Had a nice trip?" Heero asked with seeming nonchalance and Duo wanted to knock their heads together. 

"It was good. I missed Sanq," Relena replied, as if nothing had happened and she was just getting reacquainted with a long lost friend. "The weather was fine. Hardly rained."

Duo rolled his eyes, clearing his throat. This garnered him two things, a nod from Heero and Relena's icy glare. The blue eyes pinned him to his seat and it spoke of all the horrible things she wanted to do to him. It was not just intense dislike written in those eyes, but something more. Distaste, like she had eaten something that didn't agree with her. Revulsion, like Duo was a bug that just crawled in from the muddy garden.

"Relena, about…" Heero began.

"The engagement, I know." Relena brushed him off. "It's alright, these things happen." She gifted Heero with a sweet smile, one that made Duo gag. "But, let's hold off the news to the newspapers for a while?"

"Why?" Heero asked.

Relena had on the expression of flustered indecision. "Well, I want to be the one to issue it and I haven't exactly decided what to say."

Heero seemed to ponder over this and nodded. Duo guessed this was the least they could do for her. "Of course."

"Mind telling me, why you made this decision?" She flicked a cold glared over to Duo and the other man knew she had all her facts straight. What was her game?

_Be careful of her, Duo. She's likely to eat her own young. Brian warned._

_Don't have to remind me. I recognise this look anyway. Shido had it before he killed someone._

Heero walked over to where Duo was sitting and slid into the seat next to him. He draped an arm across Duo's shoulders and his free hand claimed Duo's. He raised a guilty look to Relena. 

She nodded regally. "So that's why you seemed so out of our relationship sometimes. Wouldn't it have been better if you find out about it before?" The last had a little hint of accusation in it.

"I'm sorry," Heero said softly.

"Well, I'll just have to be a big girl about it," Relena was all smiles again and for some reason, it made Duo's skin crawl. "Say, there's this welcome party for me tonight, why don't you come along? You both," she added as an after thought.

Duo could feel his temper rising. As usual, Relena knew exactly what buttons to push to get to him.

Heero looked at him for confirmation and the longing in his boyfriend's eyes, the one that told him to just try it out, try making friends with Relena made him nod at Heero, who turned back to Relena with a smile. "Sure, we'll be there."

There was a sudden gleam of triumph in Relena's eyes that unsettled Duo. She was up to something and it meant no good.

~*~

Duo stepped out of the shower, his hair dripping and wearing nothing but a towel around his slender waist. A huge cloud of steam followed him as he walked into his, no, their bedroom. That thought ran through him, making him smile but the sense of unease refuse to leave him as he thought about tonight. There was something up with Relena if the look of pure hatred that was directed at him was any indication. Lost in thought, he walked towards the mirror and picked up his brush. 

From the reflection in the mirror Duo saw Heero walking up behind him and hugging him from behind. The Japanese nuzzled Duo's neck with a smile. He noticed Heero had been walking on cloud nine ever since they came back from Relena's.  He could understand why. After all, he was brimming over with anticipation as well. When he thought of what he was going to do to Heero tonight…

_As Shido would say, 'Hentaiyarou', Brian seemed unconcerned as well about Relena as Heero was. _

_Am I the only one who thinks Ms Ice Queen has something up her Prada sleeve?_

"What are you thinking?" Heero asked, resting his head on Duo's shoulder.

Duo exhaled softly. "Don't you think she gave in a little too easily?" He queried.

"Are you complaining?" Heero was doing his best to distract Duo, spreading small kisses along the smaller man's bare shoulder and neck.

"It just seemed so out of character," Duo gasped out, trying to keep his mind on the task at hand. "Don't you…. Heero, stop this. I'm trying to speak to you."

Heero stepped back with a disappointed sigh. "I was trying very hard to seduce you."

Duo turned around and placed the flat of his palms on Heero's chest, both to reassure and to keep his distracting boyfriend at arms length. "I'm just saying, she seems so different from the person I have been dealing in the past. I just think she has something planned for me."

Heero cupped his cheek gently. "I just think you are paranoid." He seemed to dismiss Duo's worry and took the brush from his hand. "Turn around, let me help you with your hair."

There was something intimate about the way Heero was brushing and subsequently braiding Duo's mass of hair. More than once, Duo had wanted to just forget about the damned party and get to the more important parts of the night. Heero had given him a long look of indecision before shaking his head ruefully and ordering Duo to put on some clothes. In a surprisingly short time, the two of them got dressed and was out the door. As they got closer to the club Relena's party was being held, the more uneasy Duo got. One thing he learned all those years on the street was _never ignore your instincts. Right now, they were screaming at him to run for his life._

They entered the club with little problems. Apparently, Heero was easily recognised amongst the elite. The club was packed to the brim. Either Relena had a lot of friends or a lot of hanger ons.

_I bet a lot of them just want to wipe her ass, Brian observed sending Duo off into a bout of uncontrolled giggles._

"What?" Heero asked, smiling in confusion but happy that Duo was in a good mood.

Duo shook his head, still laughing.

"Come; let me introduce you to some friends." Heero steered them towards a small group of people who were surrounding Relena. 

Soon Duo found himself introduced to big names such as Dorothy Catalonia, a weird blond with forked eyebrows, Treize Khurenada and his girlfriend, known simply as Lady Une, Relena's brother Milliardo Peacecraft, and his girlfriend Lucretia Noin. They were as royal and as rich as they came. The only thing missing here was Quatre Winner. Heero introduced him as his date and boyfriend and took the ribbing about the engagement in good humour. Duo was shocked that there weren't more anger from them, especially from Milliardo. They all just seemed to take things so easily, accept the fact that Heero had switched his sexual orientation so simply.

The long haired man felt out of his depth amongst this crowd. Give him a bevy of models any day. The spoke about finances, and running countries, jet setting and country clubs and other _issues_ that practically oozed money. He watched Heero so at ease in this setting, as he talked about things he was comfortable with, familiar with and then he thought of what he was doing to him. 

Heero didn't fit in Duo's world. This was where Heero belonged, amongst the elite, not amongst the street rats. What the hell was his doing to Heero?

"You see now where he belongs?" Relena stared at him, eyes frosty and a definite sneer on her lips.

Duo looked up to see Heero missing, presumably to get them drinks or being led away by other acquaintances. Whatever it was, he was alone now, and facing six very irate, very scary individuals who were hell bent on taking their anger out on him.

"You are nothing," Relena continued, while the others gathered behind her, a united front. "Our families date back hundreds of years. I'm sure you don't even know you father's name." 

Someone giggled. Duo thought it was that Catalonia woman. 

Whoa, sucker punch. Very subtle insult, very good.

"He loves me," Duo said, with conviction.

Relena snorted. "You're a novelty. A bet we made," she stressed. "He has never had someone from the other side of Ivy League before. Bet it was fun for you to tell the boys you had a roll in between the sheets with a Lowe." Her features took on a distinctive evil twist.

Duo was dumbstruck. He didn't expect this sort of attack. Bet? What bet?

"Hey, how many of us can say we slept with a guy?" Treize chuckled softly. "I never thought he would go so far as to tell you he would break up with Relena all for a bet."

Milliardo joined in the laughter. "You must be completely hot under all that." He stepped closer to Duo, leering down at him.

"You understand now, Duo? You are nothing to him." Relena rammed the message home. "He will come back to me. Go away. You are no longer welcomed here." And as simple as that, the entire group summarily dismissed him and turned their backs on him.

Duo felt like he had been slapped, by all of them. A bet, was he really? That was all he was to Heero? He shook his head in denial, no, this was all a lie. Heero would never lie like that. He couldn't think, he needed to get out. It was too stifling here. He turned and ran, not seeing the gleam of triumph in Relena's eyes. Someone was calling him but he wasn't in any state of mind of answer.

He remembered running out of the club, remembered his feet hitting the road, remembered hearing the blaring horn of an oncoming car, and remembered the flashing headlights.

Remembered that he thought it would be the last thing he saw.

tbc….

Thanks guys for your support so far. I will start posting another fic soon, hope you like my first try an non-con pairing of 2x5x2. 

Review review review!!!!


	15. Pasts and secrets

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Fourteen: Pasts and secrets

Duo felt himself being thrown to the ground. He fell heavily, with an additional weight of something, no, _someone_ on him. The car whizzed past as the driver leaned out yelling obscenities.

"What the hell is your problem, Maxwell?" Heero thundered, his chest heaving, fear stamped all over his face. Still, his hands were extremely gentle as he checked Duo out, making sure that he wasn't hurt.

"Let me go, Yuy," Duo said coldly. He made to get up, but had to bite back a cry when his back spasm again. 

"Shit, you hurt your back again," Heero tried to help Duo stand but was surprised when he felt a fist connect with his jaw.

"I said," Duo yelled. "Leave me the hell alone!" He struggled to his feet and stalked away. 

Heero, truly incensed at this unprovoked attack, chased after Duo, spinning him around. "What the hell is wrong with you? You run out of there like that, you nearly get yourself killed and you punched me? You are rude, insensitive and…" He trailed off as Duo stared up at his, violet eyes filled with suppressed tears.

"And I am nothing more than some stupid bet amongst your friends?" Duo said in a small voice. "Relena was right, you belong in there," he gestured towards the club. "Not with me." His shoulders drooped, turning his face away from Heero.

"Who told you that?" Heero's voice shook with rage. He forced Duo to meet his eyes. "Who ever said you were a bet? Relena?"

Duo exhaled shakily. "It doesn't matter. You belong in there, not out here with me. I…" He felt so defeated. "Just go back there. Just… go." He shrugged Heero's arms off and began a long trek back home, back to his lonely life.

He finally admitted it to himself. Heero belonged in there, he was so at home within that setting. What was he doing with a working man like Duo? One with no past, and if he wasn't careful, no future as well. Duo was being selfish taking Heero away from that world. A world of sparkling bright lights and brilliant futures. 

Duo didn't even see the flat of the palm that flew across his face, whipping his head back.

"You bastard!" Heero said accusingly. "After all I have done for you, you are just going to give up on us like that?"

The other man could only stare at Heero in shocked surprise. Heero had hit him. 

"Just a few words and you believe them?" Heero shook his head in disbelief, the pain clearly reflected in dark blue orbs. "I spent months trying to convince you to trust me, and you spend two minutes with them and…" He bit off the rest of the sentence and spun away, as if not wanting to look at Duo anymore.

The accusations ran rampant through Duo's head. Guilt came and knocked him around a bit, but still, Duo felt what he thought tonight had been running through his mind for a long while now. "Heero, wait," he called out. Seeing the Japanese ignore him and still walking resolutely away, he chased after Heero. "Please," he caught Heero's upper arm, holding on tight. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have believed…."

"_Probably?_" Heero spun around, glaring daggers at Duo. "You have _never_ been anything but important to me. I thought you were smarter than that. Relena is just trying to hurt you. You _told _me you thought she had something up her sleeve. Then you…" He trailed off, seemingly unable to say anymore, or not wanting to say anymore. "You know what, fine, have it your way. You obviously don't trust me, fine. Goodbye Duo."

Duo was paralysed. He stood there, torn between listening to his insecurities and going after Heero. The other man was walking away, and this time he was not looking back. 

~*~

Duo walked for what seemed like hours. Hell, it probably was hours. He had watched Heero walk away from him, watched and did nothing. He wanted to hold on and explain why he believed it all so easily. Years and years of insecurities poured out of him at the sight of Heero there with all his friends. The little boy deep inside had been screaming, 'What are you doing with him? What makes you think you can have anything to do with him?'

Brian, on the other hand, had been blessedly quiet. Duo didn't need another argument with his own damned mind at this point in time. He felt screwed up enough as it was.

What did Heero see in Duo, besides a nice piece of ass? He was nothing. He had come from the roughest part this town could offer, had his soul blackened and charred from the horrific things he did to survive it, had his hand drenched in blood of his dying friends. Heero was a pure soul, probably would remain so for the rest of his life. Duo would corrupt him, would change him from the wonderful man he was to something twisted and evil like the Shinigami within.

Looking back, Duo understood he had overreacted when Relena had mentioned the whole bet thing. But he just couldn't control the little boy within that came out screaming when he felt so out of place within the crowd.

What had he gone and done? 

"Mr Maxwell, it's been a long time. Mr Lowe returned home about an hour ago," a cheerful voice greeted.

Duo looked up and the tears and pain he tried so hard to hold at bay nearly come flooding out. He had walked all over town and he ended up outside Heero's apartment. As if they had a mind of their own, Duo's legs took him inside, passing by a very confused and concerned doorman.

"Thanks," Duo told him absently, punching the elevator and waiting dazedly for it. The trip up took an eternity and when the doors opened, Duo stared at the long hallway with a sense of déjà vu. The last time he took this walk, it was to end their relationship. Will it happen again this time? 

His finger hovered over the bell, and just as he was about to press it, the front door flew open, revealing a dishevelled looking Heero. He seemed to have aged ten years in that few hours and Duo could only guess how much a mess he was. They stared at each of other silently, unsure of what to say.

"Can I come in?" Duo voice cracked slightly, betraying his nervousness.

Silently, Heero moved aside, allowing Duo to squeeze through. It had been a long time since he had seen the inside of Heero's apartment and he found that he missed it. But the apartment seemed empty and barren. Well, that was to be expected since Heero had moved permanently into his home weeks ago. 

_Or almost permanently, Duo thought sadly, sitting on the couch._

More time was passed in silence, as if they didn't know what to say to each other. 

"Am I keeping you from something?" Duo asked finally. Anything to stop this oppressive silence.

Heero's head came up. "No."

"You were on your way out."

"To find you," came Heero's soft reply.

The words took moment to register before Duo flung himself at Heero, kissing him with all the need he had felt. He felt arms closing in around him, holding him tightly; as if afraid he would disappear.

"I'm sorry…"

"No, my fault…"

"I'm the idiot…"

Then, words ceased to be important as their bodies and rising passion spoke a different language.

~*~

Many sated moments later, the couple lay stretched out on a now clean and dry bed. They couldn't seem to bear to be far from each other and lay cuddled. Now that they initial passion has been satisfied, they held each other to fulfil their emotional one. Duo lay on his side, with Heero spooned tightly against him, one arm looped around him waist.

"That was…" Heero searched for a correct adjective. "Different."

Duo burst into laughter. "You are saying like you didn't enjoy it," he mocked lightly. He smiled at the memory of Heero chanting his name like a mantra, driving closer and closer to completion. "I can't believe you are a virgin."

Heero groaned in slight embarrassment, burying his face into the back of Duo's shoulder. Of all the embarrassing things he had murmured when he was high on hormones, Duo had to repeat this one. Of course, he didn't expect the then distraught man to hear. Apparently, nothing escaped him, even throes of passion.

"Hey," Heero mocked hurt. "I had some issues okay? And I meant with a _guy,_ baka."

"You don't say," Duo snorted. "I think I threw my back though," he said, not really joking.

Heero cursed softly. "Sorry, it's…"

Duo quickly turned over, silencing any self recrimination with a hard kiss. "Hey, you saved my damn life earlier tonight. So I think a little pain is completely bearable. Besides, that's what you pay chiropractors good money for."

"About earlier tonight…" Heero looked at Duo, completely serious. "I think we really need to talk."

"Damn, I thought a quick roll in the sheets would make you forget anything," Duo joked, sitting up, but it fell short. He also didn't miss the sudden hurt in Heero's expression. "Heero, you know that's not what I meant."

Heero embraced the man from behind, resting one cheek on Duo's smooth back. Looking closer, he noticed it wasn't very smooth, with a slight hint of scars. It looked like Duo had them worked on by someone who didn't do a very good job. It was odd why he didn't notice them before. He smiled ruefully to himself, maybe because he had always insisted Duo wear a shirt when they went to bed together. Seeing his alabaster skin gleaming in the dim light was just too much for his self control to take.

"Enough walls Duo. I've had enough of it. I want to know what happened. You knew Relena was trying something and yet you fell for it so easily," Heero murmured, spreading kisses all over Duo's back. "It's tearing us apart, can't you see that?"

Duo bit back a soft moan of pleasure. "If you want me to talk, you just have to stop that," he gasped. Disappointingly, the distraction did stop. Heero did want to hear about his past that badly. He cleared his throat, trying to decide where to start. "Heero," he asked. "Why are you with me?"

Heero was taken aback. Of all the things he expected his boyfriend to say, this never crossed his mind. "Because I love you," he spluttered.

Eyes still somber, the questions continued. "Why do you love me?"

"What the hell is this, Duo? Why am I being cross examined?" Heero demanded.

Like a dog with a bone, Duo continued, "Let me rephrase, what do I have that makes me so special, that makes you love me?"

Heero's fingers ghosted over Duo's forehead, under his eyes and across his jaw line. Heero understood now. Duo doubted his self worth. He had seen that happen many times during their time together. Driven by the desire to make Duo see what a wonderful person he was, Heero's brow furrowed in concentration. What makes him love Duo? Too many things and too few ways to show it.

Finally he settled for, "Your heart, your humour, your spirit, your resilience." He punctuated each point with a kiss.

"I'm nothing like your friends. I saw you with them tonight. You looked so natural, so good. You don't belong with me." Duo stared at his hands, half expecting Heero to agree with him and be banished from his life. It wouldn't be the first time he was deemed unworthy and dismissed easily.

"Where is this coming from, Duo?" Heero blurted. This uncertainty, this fragility, he had only seen it once from Duo, that first night when they had dinner at the long haired man's house. That one time. But even then, it didn't have this level of intensity.

Duo sighed shakily, as if suppressing tears. "I'm dirt, Heero, I don't deserve you."  In a flash he was gathered into Heero's arms.

"Stop saying things like that," Heero's voice sounded thick. 

Silence reigned for a moment as Duo decided. "Have you heard of the Maxwell Church Massacre?" He ventured finally. 

Heero nodded. It was almost eleven years ago that an orphanage was razed to the ground by gangs in the rough neighbourhood in the city. They had locked the entire inhabitants of the orphanage within the church and they burnt along with it. The police had suspected it was retaliation. "Yeah, they said that there was only one survivor…." He stared at Duo, horrified.

Duo nodded tightly, keeping a firm grip on his pain, on his guilt. "It's my fault. I killed them."

"I don't understand."

Duo smiled sadly and began his story. 

~*~

"…. They were dead by the time I came back. It was burnt to the ground. That night Duo Maxwell was born along with someone called Shinigami." Duo coughed his throat dry for having spoken at length.

Heero stiffened. "God of death?"

"I became a gang member. Wufei's gang. The Dragon Clan, they called themselves." Duo had an almost feral gleam in his eye. "I had my revenge in the end."

Heero swallowed, sensing that this isn't the same Duo he was familiar with. "You… killed?"

Duo seemed to be staring at his hands, seeing something that existed only in his memory. "That's why I said I didn't deserve you, Heero. You're pure, I'm not. You have everything I could only dream about. A family, a name, an education…"

"A fiancée who made me gay…" Heero told him wryly. "A father who scares the pants out of me, a family so old you can see cobwebs hanging all over my name…."

Duo stared at him shocked. Was Heero telling him what he thought? "You can accept this?"

Heero smiled at him tenderly. "Baka, what you did was the past. The person I fell in love with is now, and if that's your past, it only makes me more proud of what you made yourself to be."

"Duo Maxwell, homosexual photographer extraordinaire?" Duo finally quirked a tired smile.

Grinning widely, Heero pushed Duo onto his back, leering over him. "More like Duo Maxwell, bottom photographer extraordinaire."

"Hey, I gave you that option because this was your first time!" Duo protested, pushing Heero away. "Next time, we are so rotating." His expression brightened. "We could always flip a coin?"

"You make it sound so clinical," Heero pouted and Duo fell back laughing.

"Hey, I have to lay it out straight to you because you are one screwed up bisexual," Duo countered and got a face full of pillow.

That night was a night of first times. The first time the both of them made love, the first time Duo bared his soul to someone other than Solo or Wufei, the first time Heero begged to be taken and the first time two soul mates found each other.

tbc…

Thanks for those of you that reviewed. 

I recently had a flamer who said, and I quote 'FUCKING GAY! GUNDAM WINGZ SO FUCKING OLD! get a life u piece     of crap..and if ur life iz revolves around gundam wing..then GET GUNDAM SEED! HELLO! NEW AND  
RECENT! dam disgraceful ppl...all they do iz write fucking fanfics of old anime..werz all da new one! TELL U AND UR FUCKIGN FRIENDS psh..if u have any friends...to GET A LIFE AND CATCH UP!'      

I had this one removed because it upset me so much, but I realised that I really want to get even!!! The idiot did leave an email, for those who want to take a potshot at this flaming asshole, leave me your email and a note and I will forward it to you. I hope you guys saw how many times the asshole contradicted itself…

Anyways, thanks for your attention and reading my fic. 


	16. Chiropractors are a pain in the back

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or its characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi), major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Fifteen: Chiropractors are a pain in the back

"When the hell are you going to see a doctor about this?" Heero scolded; his tone harsh with concern. 

Duo was curled up on his side, fisting the covers and gritting his teeth in pain. The back pain was getting worse. He had put off going to the doctors for some time now but if it got any worse, Heero was going to throw him over his shoulder and manhandle him there. So far the chiropractors didn't do squat for his slip disc. At least he thought it was a slip disc, it freaking hurt like one.

"I'm fine," Duo groaned out as the pain slowly faded. It came and went in waves. Once it was over, he felt fine. It was when they came that was the problem. He felt his back was being cleaved in half. Sometimes it got so bad sleeping was problem. "See? All better." He smiled up at Heero who continued to look worried.

"What did the chiropractor say?" Heero massaged his boyfriend's back, eliciting small sounds of pleasure from the man beneath his fingers.

"That too much sex makes the mind go fuzzy," Duo muttered into the pillow and was whacked none too lightly on the back of the head.

"I'm serious, baka."

Duo smiled. Over the past few months, Heero had taken to calling him baka like it was some kind of endearment and coming from him it did sound like one. Duo remembered a website he found teaching a person the flexibility of the word fuck and the word baka seemed as flexible as that word when used by Heero.

"We are working on the slip disc. It should help in a few more sessions." Duo hid his own look of concern. His chiropractor had warned him that it may be more than a slip disc but he didn't want Heero to worry. The Japanese had enough on his plate.

Over the past few months, Heero had made their relationship as public as possible, attending business functions with Duo proudly on his arm. The night after Relena's little party; Heero had done two things, called the newspaper with the notice of cancellation of his engagement and sent his ex-fiancée a thank-you note along with a huge basket of fresh fruit. Duo had applauded Heero for his 'insult with taste' touch.

Hey, he had used tropical fruit. 

Business at Max's Studios had gone alarmingly quiet for a while, and Duo knew he had Relena Peacecraft to blame but there was nothing he could do about it. Now all he could say was 'Thank God for little blond angels and over protective partners'. Duo hadn't wanted to get Heero involved and had been spared that when Quatre had noticed Duo hanging more and more around his office. A quick interrogation from the mild mannered blond had turned him into the Incredible Hulk, only with creamy skin and blond hair. But with the temperament Quatre had on, Duo thought the two could have been twins. A few short but highly effective calls later, Duo was back in business.

Apparently, Ms Peacecraft had used her influence to stop the flow of business to Max and Duo could imagine the frustrated scream that had echoed all over her pink apartment when Mr Quatre Winner's more influential reputation asserted itself. Duo had wondered idly how to thank the blond and purchase some pretty kinky equipment for Trowa that got him thrown out of his office. Quatre was very grateful the next day though.

Now they both worry about Heero's father, Odin Lowe. That man scared the freaking hell out of Duo. He was an imposing man where Heero inherited his deep blue eyes from and little else. So far, the man had been indulgent to let Heero carry on however he wished, but sooner or later things would come to a head. Duo had jokingly told Heero the sooner the better because blood stains were so hard to get out.

"You are in no way lying to me are you?" Heero pressed.

Duo put on a look of mock hurt. "I may run, I may hide, but…"

"You never lie…" Heero finished shaking his head. "But you never said anything about not telling the whole truth."

"We are not in court, Heero," Duo smiled unabashedly. "I promise, if there's anything wrong with my back, I'll tell you."

The next day Duo decided to keep the appointment with the chiropractor and left Hilde in charge with a stern warning that if any structural changes had taken place in the few hours he would be away, there would be hell to pay. Okay, so that wasn't really all that witty, but Duo had been having problems thought process ever since the pain started. The chiropractor was a nice man who insisted Duo called him Bob. He was a rather 'Bob looking' man with a slightly balding pate and conservative dress.

_You can't just label a guy's name by how he look, Brian reproved. __If that's the case, you would be a Doofus._

_Go back to the hole you crawled up from!_

_You mean the black hole called your mind?_

Why did Duo even bother?

He continued to lie there while Bob did his magic on him. After he got dressed, Bob took him into his office and sat him down.

"Okay, Bob," Duo smiled to cover up the sudden pang of fear that assailed him. He didn't like that look. That look did weird things to his heart. "Spill it."

"Mr Maxwell…"

"Bob, I'm neither fifty nor your principal. My name is Duo."

Bob smiled. "Duo, then. We had done this for how long now? A month?"

Duo nodded.

"You back muscles haven't loosen all this time, so I don't really think it is a back problem." Bob had the expression when someone wanted to impart bad news.

"And?" Duo prodded.

"I think you should see a doctor about this." 

Doctor, he meant, specialist. Duo could feel his pulse speeding up. "What do you think it is?"

"I am in no position to…" Bob trailed of seeing the look Duo had on. "I suggest a couple of test to rule out a few things."

"Cancer?"

"I'm not a specialist."

"But you mean cancer." Duo head was spinning. This can't be happening, not now, he can't have cancer _now._ Not when everything was going so well.

Bob avoided Duo's eyes and wrote down a phone number and a name. "This man's a personal friend and a good doctor."

The braided man was ushered out of the door with his mind still in a blur and clutching at that little piece of paper. He managed to get back to the studio without hitting anything or getting hit and flopped into a chair. He stared at the little numbers with a sinking heart.

Cancer, he couldn't have cancer. He was just too young. Everything was going on perfectly in his life now. 

Duo crushed small piece of paper and tossed it into the wastepaper basket.

Lunch time rolled by and Duo was still lost in thought, telling Hilde to put all calls on hold. Some time during the day he had calmed some what. It couldn't be anything really serious. After all he had been having problems with his back for ages and they were never serious. It was probably nothing; after all, Bob just wanted to rule out some things. It was probably nothing. Probably nothing.

Just before lunch hour was up, Heero came thundering into the studio with an absolutely wild look in his eyes.

"Hey, love," Duo smiled, happy to get his mind of more disturbing thoughts. He got up and gave Heero a kiss. Before he could move away, his partner grabbed him harder and more tightly into his embrace. "Heero?" He queried, fearful at the fervour which Heero was holding onto him. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Heero breathed, nuzzling Duo's shoulder. "I missed you."

It was more than that. Duo could sense it well enough but didn't press. He learnt that Heero was someone that shouldn't be pressured into anything or will end up more reluctant to divulge anything. 

"I missed you, too," Duo returned with feeling. It felt good, just standing there in Heero's reassuring embrace, not speaking, but just being there. A small voice in the back of his head, probably Brian mocked him, asking him how long this would last. He had no answer. 

His stomach grumbled embarrassingly at Duo for having abused it by missing breakfast, then lunch.

"You didn't eat." Heero looked displeased about it.

Duo shrugged laughing softly. "Yeah, I've been kind of distracted."

Heero tapped a tapered finger at the tip of Duo's nose. "We are going for lunch," he told his smaller partner before pulling him out of the studio and headed towards a sandwich bar down the road.

Duo hated that place. His idea of a good meal included grease and sugar, the two fundamental blocks of life. And these blocks had been missing from his regular meals at home with Heero around. The Japanese man thrived on anything he deemed healthful and fresh while a whining Duo was left to eat whatever was prepared. He rue the day he didn't learn to cook better. He sat down at a table while Heero went to get them some sandwiches. The last time they came here, Heero had gotten him some weird looking pita crap that was completely unpalatable. 

"Here," Heero set the tray down in front of them. It consisted of two bottles of water and two wrapped sandwiches.

Duo stared steadily at Heero, a look that said 'Where's my soda?'

Heero stared right back, saying 'You are not getting any'.

"Eat," Heero ordered and proceed to unwrap his own sandwich.

Duo groaned when he peeked under a slice of bread. It was a vegetarian sandwich with minimal salt and minimal mayonnaise. Totally healthy and completely tasteless. "Yuy, I'm not a goat. I do need some protein some of the time," he complained, sounding petulant.

"You get enough when I'm not looking," Heero scolded around a bite of his sandwich.

This sparked off a pout but the braided man ate his sandwich sullenly. During the course of lunch, he stared at Heero and noticed a few things about him. His boyfriend was tense, almost nervous and cobalt eyes kept flicking all over the place. If Duo wasn't mistaken, Heero was completely wary and it was that wariness that sparked something in Duo. Like an old and forgotten memory, Shinigami swam slowly to the surface.

"Where's the threat?" Shinigami asked, his voice lower than Duo's.

Heero froze under that cold, cold glare. Something written on his face showed that he knew this wasn't Duo any longer. "There's none," he soothed, making an attempt to relax his body.

Shinigami leaned over. "Don't lie."

Taking a deep breath, Heero reached up and pulled Duo's head down, melding their lips in a kiss. "I'm not," he murmured against the other man's lips. When he pulled away, he realised it was Duo again, firmly under control of his alter ego that came out when a threat presented itself.

"Sorry," Duo said, embarrassed. "I didn't mean to…"

Heero smiled warmly at him. "I wonder why that side of you don't come out around Relena?" He joked.

"What makes you think he hasn't?" Duo deadpanned and went back to his tasteless lunch, having smoothed over an uncomfortable situation. He turned serious. "Heero, you would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?" He reached over the table to cover Heero's hand.

At length, Heero met Duo's violet gaze. "I will never hurt you, I promised right?" With that, he technically closed the discussion.

Duo realised after a while that was all an answer Heero was going to give him.  And it was not a very comforting one. 

After lunch, Heero solicitously escorted Duo back to his office. The braided man thought Heero was acting really weird about the whole thing. His boyfriend had one arm clamped tightly on Duo's arm as they walked and kept steering him away from cars and such. Duo continued to frown at him but was blatantly ignored.

"What the hell is wrong, Yuy?" Duo dug in his heels. "Tell me or I'm not moving one inch!"

Heero stared at Duo guiltily, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He seemed to ponder his next words and clearing his throat he began. "I think Relena is stalking me," he whispered, his eyes darting in all directions.

Duo laughed, understanding Heero's fear. After all, Miss Ice Queen had stalked him before. They made it to his studio without any sign of Relena and both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Love, I have something to do tonight. I will be staying over at my apartment. Is that okay with you?" Heero asked hesitantly.

Quashing the vague sense of uneasiness, Duo nodded, "Sure."

"I may not be back tomorrow as well," he added, once again looking as if he had just kicked puppies.

"Heero," Duo sighed heavily. "I'm fine with it. You do have your commitments to your family and I'm not going to stand in the way of that."

If anything, it made the look of guilt in Heero's cobalt eyes worse. "I'm sorry, love."

Duo stretched up to kiss him lightly on the cheek. "I don't mind. Really." He entered the door and turned once more to wave goodbye to Heero.

The lunch had relaxed him and banished his own worries. Worrying about Heero and his rather odd behaviour, Duo was able to redirect his energy into completing his previously outstanding work. Since he didn't have anything else to keep him occupied for the evening, he went to check his equipment for a shoot tomorrow. It was going to be about fifteen miles out of town and he needed to make sure he didn't leave anything out. A memory card slipped out of his bag and fell next to his chair. Cursing softly at his clumsiness, Duo bent over to pick it up.

The pain came swift and unexpected, tearing up his back and stiffening his entire body. An agonised scream got stuck in his throat as he fell over. Unable to move, he lay there, gasping for breath. He bit his lip in pain, trying to get control of his body once again. Long minutes passed as the wave dissipated slowly and Duo managed to raise himself up on his elbow. 

"Damn," he muttered softly. Giving in, he reached over to rummage through his wastepaper basket and finally finding the paper he discarded so carelessly. Still, he stared at the neat numbers written there and sighed, resigned.

He dropped into his chair and picked up the phone. Taking a deep breath, he dialled the number.

tbc… 


	17. What should I tell him?

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or its characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi), major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Sixteen: What should I tell him?

Duo sat on the doctor's office, his heart hammering a mile a minute and nervous fingers worrying his braid. He met the nice Dr Wesley a few weeks ago and he had insisted on a few tests. The nurse had come around and taken some blood and done some other weird things on him. Then he had gone through a God awful procedure called a marrow test. He was flat on his back while the doctor or Dr Torture had plunged a nine inch needle into his back to extract some fluid. Even as doped up as he was, he had felt something going in and went completely limp. It was almost an hour before he could actually move again. He had tried to concentrate on what Dr Wesley had said to him, but most of the time his mind was completely frozen.

He could have cancer. 

He could be dying. 

He could lose Heero. 

Fear gnawed at his insides and spoke to him so loudly sometimes it was all he heard. For the past few days, he could hardly sleep, eat or work, living in between the cusp of life and not yet death. All he wanted was to curl up in Heero's arms and believe he would everything better, that all the pain and fear would go away. But he couldn't tell Heero anything. For the past three weeks he had been constantly busy or missing or at some place or another. Most of the nights were spent at either his apartment or at his father mansion. Those nights that he was at Duo's home, he was constantly contrite and always trying to make up for not being around. Duo didn't have the heart to tell Heero anything, or it would have increased his guilt level again. He was feeling bad enough as it was. Therefore, Duo slept in silence and oft times alone, letting his fears create inner demons and they ran rampant through his mind. They ate at his self control and he found himself crying into his pillow more often than sleeping these days.

Two weeks, the doctor said they needed two weeks to get the report back from the lab. During that time, Duo could pretend that nothing was going on. He began to treasure the time Heero spent with him and more often than not, he clung to his lover with almost fervent need. Either Heero didn't see anything wrong with Duo's slight change in character or he didn't want to comment on it. When Duo reflected upon it, Heero had also been doing his own clinging as well. Their lives were definitely getting much weirder.

Then, reality hit. Duo's doctor gave him a call to tell him the results were out and he should go to his office as soon as possible. It sounded ominous and that did nothing to calm the already agitated Duo. 

Duo recalled how he spent last night frantically cleaning his house from top to bottom, then putting on his running shoes and jogged for an hour before falling in bed exhausted. Still, sleep had been frustratingly elusive and Duo had spent the rest of night trying to figure out what would happen if the news was bad.

"Mr Maxwell," Dr Wesley walked in. "I'm sorry to make you wait." He sat opposite Duo and gifted the young man with a small and reassuring smile.

The younger man felt his heart plummet. Doctors trying to reassure wasn't very reassuring. The urge to bolt was getting to be overwhelming.

"I have received your test results," the doctor picked up a slim file and flipped it open.

~*~

"So, this is Wufei's and Sally's home?" Heero surveyed the cozy apartment before him. He seemed more relaxed tonight and told Duo he would be staying with him tonight.

"Yeah," Duo muttered distractedly. Heero had come back earlier today so pleased and so happy, Duo just didn't have the heart to say anything to him. How do you tell someone your life was falling apart? Then Wufei had invited them for dinner. It was a first for him. After all, the Chinese wasn't really comfortable with Heero and he showed it. 

If Wufei wanted to make a first move to establishing a firmer friendship with his boyfriend, Duo would do his best to encourage it. Especially now, for the months ahead. He didn't want to think about himself now. He would self destruct if he did. As it was, he just wanted to throw himself into Heero's arms and cry his eyes out, but he had to be strong, at least for now. 

_Oh God, how the hell am I going to tell Heero? His mind screamed._

"Maxwell," Wufei opened the door and walked back inside, leaving it wide open. 

Duo quirked a small smile at this familiar greeting and the shocked look on Heero. "Come on, let's go in," he led Heero into the living room.

"Are you sure we are invited?"  Heero grumbled at the seemingly cold reception he was getting as a guest.

"It's a tradition. Don't ask me where it started from." Duo shrugged. "Hey, I'm going to help Sally in the kitchen, okay?" _And to speak to her about certain things as well,_ he added silently.

Heero made to follow Duo but was stopped by the shorter man. "Wufei," he called out. "Come and keep my boyfriend occupied while I help out your wife."

Wufei nodded but added, "Make sure you don't kill us." He whispered to Heero, "I pity your stomach."

As Duo walked towards the kitchen he heard Heero saying softly, "I cook. No way do I let him anywhere near perishables."

"Intelligent man," Wufei approved. "I'm impressed."

Duo smiled sadly, thinking of how this cosy setting was going change very soon. Why did his stupid body have to fail? He could have died a thousand times over in the last fifteen years of his life, but he had to… He didn't want to think about it anymore.

"Duo," Sally said, horrified. "Get out of the kitchen. I don't need help," she stressed.

Duo grinned wearily and slid into chair. "Ha ha, so funny I forgot to laugh," he said, sarcastically. He winced at the pain in his back and his hand went idly to his pocket, fingering the small bottle of pills prescribed by Dr Wesley that morning.

"Duo?" Sally queried, studying him carefully.

_Damn, I got to be more careful; Duo thought and forced a smile. "Need me to taste something?" Duo offered._

Sally stared at him for a long moment before shaking her head and turning back to her cooking.

The long haired man sat there in silence, pondering of how to phrase his question carefully. He should have brought it up to Dr Wesley but he had been too shell shocked that morning. Besides, he just didn't feel comfortable speaking to the doctor anyway. He needed to tell someone and not a stranger.

"Sally," he started and waited until he had her full attention. "One of my models came to me today. Really pretty girl, very nice person."

Sally raised an eyebrow at him and he blushed. "Sally, stop looking at me like that. She just got diagnosed with bone cancer." The last part came out in a rush.

The doctor was immediately sympathetic. "That's really sad and it's a type of cancer that you really can't operate on. She's going to be in for a rough time. Chemotherapy takes a lot out of a person."

The blood drained from Duo's face as his worry increased tenfold. "So there is little chance I… she will survive?" Shit, a slip, but it didn't seem that Sally caught it.

Sally shrugged. "It depends on the person. The side effects are bad, but if she's young and healthy, I don't really see a problem."

Not a problem, if he was healthy. Can't operate. Chemotherapy. These words kept churning in his head. He could die, he may not survive chemo, he could… The nervousness assailing him the entire day finally made itself known in a violent and dramatic way. Duo flew to the kitchen sink and heaved up the little he had eaten the entire day. When his stomach settled, he felt Sally's gentle touch stroking his back and her holding his hair out of the way. He straightened painfully, unable to stop the low moan of pain issuing from his throat. He met Sally's worried gaze and tried to cover it with a smile.

"Heh, those gastric juices keep kicking up," Duo turned away from Sally's penetrating look.

"You never lie well, Duo Maxwell." She lifted her hand and Duo saw his medication in her hand. "I recognise this prescription, Duo. When did you find out?"

Duo gaped at Sally, completely speechless. He didn't know what to say, or how to cover it up. Suddenly, he couldn't stop it, couldn't control his overwhelming emotions he had been battling all day. He threw himself into Sally's arms, letting the tears fall. After a while, Duo realised who exactly were in the next room and got himself under control.

"Sorry," he muttered before lurching away to splash water over his face. He didn't want Heero to know just yet, he didn't know how to tell his boyfriend. 

"Have you told anyone, Duo?" Sally asked; all business. 

"My doctor knows," he smiled wanly. He didn't get the laugh he was aiming for.

Sally clicked her tongue irritably. "You know what I mean, Maxwell. Heero? Wufei? Are you intending to tell them before chemo takes out all your hair?" Then her eyes widened. "You are going for treatment, aren't you?"

"I… don't know," Duo answered hesitantly. His braid, he might lose it. Hell, he would lose it if he accepted treatment. His braid meant more to him than his life. He couldn't lose it. Then again, if he didn't, then he would lose Heero.

The doctor seemed poised to smack him over the head. "What the hell do you mean 'I don't know'?  You know that you will _die if you don't?"_

"I'm not an imbecile, Sally," Duo said tiredly. He took the bottle from Sally and shook out two pills. He smiled gratefully at the water that appeared in front of him and swallowed the pills. "Did I do something wrong? Why did this happen to me? Is it some form of payback for what I did when I was younger?" He asked Sally, eyes full of pain and emotional distress. 

Sally caught her old friend in a tight hug. "No, it is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. It just happens, Duo. It just happens." 

"I won't go to heaven, Sally; I did so many bad things. I'm going straight to hell, Sally. Straight to hell."

The amount of pain in the man's tone staggered Sally but when she pulled back to stare at him, he was dry eyed, albeit panicked. "Enough, Duo. You will get better." She was about to say more when Heero and Wufei walked in, still bantering about something.

"Woman, is dinner ready?" Wufei barked.

The mood was spoilt as Duo quickly backed away and gifted the newcomers with a smile. "Sorry, I kind of distracted her a little," he apologised and made himself busy grabbing cutlery to set the table. He noticed the glare Sally gave him but quickly ignored it. Everyone was getting along just fine and he didn't want to mood to be spoilt by bad news. There was more than enough time later.

"You are telling them later," Sally hissed, passing by Duo bearing a plate.

Duo nodded. 

"If you don't, I will," she threatened for good measure.

Sally's cooking was scrumptious as usual but Duo found he couldn't stomach more than a few bites. He noticed Heero's worried look directed at him and managed a small smirk.

"Sally still needs lessons," he joked, while Sally spluttered indignantly, though she helped him cover it up, this time.

The rest of dinner past with surprising speed, and the moment Duo dreaded came closer. When the dessert plates were cleaned away, Sally gave him that _look again. He took a calming breath and just as he was about to say something, Heero cut him off._

"Uhm… thanks for dinner, Wufei, Sally," Heero got up and motioned for Duo to do so as well. "We have to be leaving now."

"We do?"

"You do?"

Sally and Duo spoke at the same time, one voice with annoyance, and the other with delight.

Heero nodded, caught between excitement and nervousness. "I have something else planned for tonight." He steered Duo to the door and passed him his coat.

"Thanks for dinner guys," Duo threw over his shoulder before he was hustled out of there. At the last moment, Sally caught his eye with an expression that clearly said 'I'm telling my husband his little brother is dying of cancer and if you don't like it, you can go through chemo, survive, then kill me for all its worth, but I'm freaking telling him so deal with it'. Duo didn't know Ms Sally Chang's expressions could be so clear and say so many things in a split second. Resigned, he nodded and let Heero push him out.

He was curious about why Heero seemed so out of it all of a sudden. His boyfriend had been pretty into the dinner and their hosts but as the night drew to a close, Duo noticed he started fidgeting in his seat, almost anxious to leave. He let Heero practically drag him to the car, his own mind working on how to tell Heero about his little problem.

_Little? Brian mocked. _Like the ___Grand Canyon__ was a small pothole._

They stopped in front of Duo's late model car. He decided that in this neighbourhood, Heero's shiny vehicle was a beacon for theft.

"Heero…" Duo started, finally garnering the courage to tell him about his illness.

"Duo…" Heero began at the same time. They stopped and smiled at each other. "You first," he offered.

Duo shook his head. No, let Heero start first. Whatever he was going to say was definitely going to sound better than Duo's news. "You go first."

"Okay," Heero bit his lip, unsure now. He reached into his pocket and took out a small velvet covered ring box.

The braided man's eyes were riveted on it, his mind shrieking in horror. No, if that was what he thought it was, he couldn't accept. Not with the possibility of what might happen. He wanted to run, but yet, he wanted this so bad he could taste it.

"Duo… I… we've been together for a short time but…." Heero's gaze shifted from Duo to some point behind him. Shock and terror overtook him as he yelled, "Duo, look out!"

 tbc…. 

Almost done. Still looking for a beta though…


	18. Severing ties

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or its characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi), major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Seventeen: Severing ties

"Duo, look out!" Heero yelled, spinning his smaller lover away.

Duo fell to the ground with a hard thud and saw a blur rushing past where he was currently standing and hitting Heero. His boyfriend's slender form rose into the air from the impact and landed next to him. A slim handle of a knife was sticking out of Heero abdomen and blood was seeping out in huge amounts.

"HEERO!" Duo screamed, crawling towards the other man's prone form. He had to stop the bleeding, there was just so much of it. He ripped out his coat and pressed it to the wound, trying to stem the flow. Time ceased for him, he stopped trying to care. He was dimly aware of yelling, screaming, and fighting. He didn't care anymore; his life was in his arms bleeding to death. It should have been him; Heero took the knife meant for him. Duo deserved to die; God had decided that it was for him to die. He was dying anyway, so why did it have to be Heero? Why? Why? Why?

He rocked the unconscious body in his arms, holding on when someone tried to pry him away.

"Duo," a firm voice cut through the stupor. "Heero needs help; let the paramedics do their work. Please," Wufei told him.

Duo stared dumbly at obsidian eyes. "Help?" He echoed; his hold loosening. 

"Yes, Duo. Help. Let go," Wufei continued to soothe and finally managed to get Duo to release Heero to the waiting paramedics who descended on the injured man. The Chinese man held onto Duo, murmuring softly to the distraught man who was still very much in shock. 

Duo watched with strange detachment at the figures hovering over Heero, trying to save his life. Why was it Heero? He didn't deserve this. Duo should have been the one. Why must he hurt everyone in his life? His illness was penance for all his had done. He deserved to suffer, deserved the horrible death that awaited him. He deserved all the pain, all the shit that was coming to him. He would never get to heaven, he deserved hell and his hell started now. If anything were to happen to Heero, he wouldn't need for the cancer to take his life. The knives that still lay in his closet would do a good enough job.

He heard Wufei's voice coming from far away. Why was it getting darker? There should be street lamps out. That thought mingled with a thousand confused other crowded in on him, sweeping away his coherence and finally drowning him in darkness. The last thing he heard was a frantic Wufei calling his name.

Duo was somewhere warm and he was comfortable. Then he remembered. He bolted upright, his eyes flying open to find himself lying in a hospital bed.

"Duo!" Wufei called out, springing from his seat to rush over to the bed, where Duo was trying his damnest to get out of. "Heero's fine. He came out of surgery fine. He's still unconscious and there is no point for you to go see him now. He will heal, he's fine." He continued to speak, watching closely at signs of Duo calming down.

"'Fei?" Duo asked.

"Yes, it's me," Wufei sat at the edge of the bed and pulled the long haired man into a tight hug. "We'll go and see Heero in a while. Right now they are not allowing any visitors except for family."

"But, I'm…." Duo's voice was muffled against Wufei's chest. It was a familiar position; one the older man had him in when he was younger. When he did something he truly regretted but usually had no choice in the matter.

Wufei pulled back, but kept his hands tightly encircled around Duo's upper arms. "We need to talk."

The pain etched in every line on Wufei's features told Duo about what.

"You didn't tell anyone, did you?" Duo asked, afraid that his friend had. He didn't need anyone to worry for him, to hurt for him. He didn't deserve that sort of concern.

"You don't want me to," Wufei accused.

Duo fisted the Chinese man's shirt. "Please, Wufei." He never called his friend by his full name unless he was seriously asking for something. And Wufei has never denied him anything. "I don't want anyone else to worry for me."

"Heero?"

Duo frowned in worry. "I'm more concerned about him now, than I am myself."

"What are you going to do about it?"

By that he meant was he going to go for chemo, Duo knew. If Wufei had asked a little earlier, Duo's answer would have been different. He was unable to meet the other man's eyes.

"How stupid can you get?" Wufei exploded, guessing the answer from the younger man's reluctance. Sally walked in at that moment bearing two cups of coffee. "Woman, this idiot is just going let himself die!"

"Not so loud!" Duo admonished. "I've decided." And he refused to say more.

"Duo, you understand what this disease is going to do to you?" Sally asked, trying to make him think subjectively.

"All I care about is Heero," Duo said stubbornly. "When he's healed, I'll decide again then."

"The faster you start; the more chance…" Sally was cut off by Duo scrambling out from the bed.

"Enough," he announced. "I'm going to see Heero." His tone dared them to stop him. He stalked out the room with his two friends hot on his heels. He passed Quatre and Trowa but ignored them as he brushed past.

"Wufei?" Trowa asked, flicking a glance at Duo.

"Just follow him."

"Where's his room?" Duo asked and was pointed the way. Towards the end, he was almost running and skidded to a halt outside the private room. He burst into the room to find Heero awake. He almost laughed with relief. He went to Heero's side immediately and took hold of a pale hand. His boyfriend didn't look so good still. Heero was pale and looked exhausted. He was attached to an I.V. and was still being transfused with blood. He was given oxygen from a tube attached to his nose.

"Hi, love," Duo said, achingly, brushing the messy mop from Heero's forehead.

"Duo," Heero sighed in a relieved tone. He sounded horribly weak. "You okay?"

Duo nodded with a reassuring smile. "I was tired and shocked, that's why I passed out. I'm fine now."

Heero nodded tiredly, closing his eyelids fluttering shut.

"My, my, look what the cat dragged in?" A snide tone came from the door. 

Duo wasn't at all surprised to recognise it as Relena's. Heero's drowsy eyes flew open as the crowd of friends at the door made way for her to enter.

"What do you want Relena?" Duo asked, unable to keep the dislike from his tone. His eye caught on her finger as she flashed a ring in his direction. He recognised it; it was her engagement ring from Heero. But he took it back months ago. He looked to Heero in confusion and saw the guilt written there. He shook his head slowly, unable to believe what his mind was slowly telling. He dropped Heero's hand as if on fire and backed away from the bed.

"Aaah, I see you have already deduced this," Relena held up her ringed finger in triumph. "I told you so, Mr Maxwell. You were just a passing fancy for him. We got back together two weeks ago."

"You bitch," Wufei cursed, walking up towards the woman but Duo ignored him.

Two weeks, during the time Heero had been staying away. Could it be? He dropped his gaze to Heero's. "Is it true?"

"I'm sorry," Heero choked out, softly. "I didn't mean to mislead you."

Relena walked up to Heero and took hold of his hand. "He was so attentive to me and we fell in love all over again. You poor boy, what made you think oil and water could mix? Or should I say champagne and sewer water?"

Duo flinched at the insult but kept his eyes trained on Heero. "You didn't love me?"

"It was interesting for a while." Heero went on, his voice losing strength. "It was an interesting experiment."

"Liar."

"Be… believe what you want," Heero said weakly, trying to keep awake.

"You saved me."

"Reflex. Would… have…. done…. for….anyone."

"The ring box?" Duo challenged.

"Goodbye present," Heero murmured, losing the battle to stay awake.

Relena studied the slumbering man for a while before levelling a frosty gaze on Duo. "I think you should leave now. Don't worry, I'll be sending you a wedding invitation."

"I'll…" Wufei began, but Duo stopped him.

"Forget it," Duo told him softly, feeling the full effects of Heero's betrayal. "Let's just go." He turned and walked out of the room, unable to face Relena's gloating expression, unable to face the pity on his friend's faces, unable to face life.

Solo had ripped out his heart; Heero had ripped out his soul. He felt empty, void of any emotion. No tears left within him.

"Duo…" Quatre ventured softly, following him out of the door. 

"Enough, Quatre. I don't want to hear anything. Relena is right. Champagne and sewer water don't mix. I don't think we should meet anymore." Duo was aghast at what he was doing. But in that moment of utter betrayal, he had decided. There was nothing left in this world for him. He didn't want to go on. He was so tired of living. Cut everything off, don't let anyone hurt anymore.

"Don't…" Quatre begged.

"Stop hurting Quatre," Trowa barked. "We have done nothing to you."

"Yes, Duo," Quatre agreed hurriedly. "You are still our friend. We…"

Duo raised his hand, cutting the blond off. "Enough. I've always detested the way you rubbed your wealth in my face, showing off what a huge house you have, and all your rich friends." He felt sick of himself but forced himself to go on, sneering at them. "Wanted to get a quick buck out of you in the beginning, but decided that letting you remain my friend was more…" He was cut off by a stinging pain along his jaw. Trowa had punched him and was glaring at him furiously. Quatre, on the other hand, had one hand clasped over his mouth as his aqua eyes shimmered in hurt.

Without another word, Trowa took hold of his lover and led then away. 

Far away from Duo's life.

 tbc….

Okay, so maybe I lied, not really over yet.

I know you guys are thinking, what am I nuts?? Why would I write Duo not trying to save his own life right? Well this is happening to a friend of mine. It was totally illogical, but his mind is telling him it's the right thing to do. That's right, my friend is dying of cancer and he refuses treatment. As **airyn** put it, I don't mind you raining on my 'oh no my braid' parade. It is happening to me. I'm so tired of talking to him, and this is just a way of releasing my frustrations. Some of the arguments I've used here are from his mouth and not from my imagination. Maybe that's why it is so ridiculous. You would think no one alive would want to waste life right?? WRONG, he is considering euthanasia when things get bad. 

Conclusion, Duo isn't crazy, my friend is.


	19. Talks with Wufei

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or its characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi), major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Part Eighteen: Talks with Wufei

"Where are you going to go?" Wufei asked, watching Duo pack his bags. He long ago accepted the fact his little brother was going let himself fade. He didn't like it, but since kicking Duo's ass wasn't an option, there was little he could actually do. 

Duo smiled, burying all his hurt and his pain. He decided to make the most of whatever time he had left, which according to Dr Wesley was anywhere between two to four years depending on the progression of his disease. He stared at the small card that came in the mail last week. True to her word, Relena Peacecraft had indeed decided to rub his nose in the fact that he was nothing but Heero's toy. It had been too much for him to take. He had sold off his business and compensated Hilde handsomely, who had sobbed at the news. Then he purchased a nice little plot of land and a pretty handsome looking final resting place and put it in Wufei's care, telling him it was for 'when the time came'. The Chinese man almost knocked his lights out. Duo then had given most of his savings to a couple of orphanages and other charities.

"What use do I have for money?" He explained to a sobbing Sally and a stony faced Wufei.

Now he was off to places unknown. He didn't want to stay where he would probably bump into Heero or Quatre or Trowa or anyone else. He had enough of hurting the people he cared most about.

"I don't know," Duo answered Wufei's earlier question. "I'm just going to where things take me. Don't worry, I'll keep in touch."

Wufei could only stare as his brother walked out of his life, probably forever.

For weeks after, Sally was almost inconsolable. As a physician herself, she couldn't understand why someone wouldn't grab onto life. The Chinese man received letters and emails from Duo, telling them he was off in this country or the other. He seemed to be having a time of his life but Wufei knew better. He couldn't do anything about it and was glad when Heero's wedding rolled by and Duo wasn't there to hear about it. Wufei knew it would have shattered the already fractured man. Duo had already cut off two of the most important people in his life, he didn't need to know 

Eight months after Heero wedding, Wufei got a rather rude visit from Trowa Barton. He had just come back from the community centre only to find the tall auburn man standing outside his door with a box in his hands. 

"This is Maxwell's, he left it there the times he sponged off us," Trowa stated hostilely.

That had been the last straw. That was the first time in years Wufei nearly reverted back to being the leader of the Dragon Clan. If Sally hadn't come up to the apartment when she did, Trowa Barton would have landed up in the city morgue and her husband behind bars. As it was, auburn haired man had bruises to nurse for days. Wufei had gave Trowa an abbreviated version of Duo's story and a very contrite man left the apartment, only to be dragged back to it by a tearful blond husband. 

"Why the hell didn't you tell us?" Quatre accused after several failed attempts of finding out Duo's exact whereabouts. 

Wufei had kept silent but Sally spoke enough for both of them. "It was his… final wish," she choked on the last word. "I'm not going to keep a promise I made to him."

Then the Chinese man had thrown them both of their home, disgusted that the couple had so easily believed a poor liar like Duo. It was his opinion that the couple wanted to believe it and they did. 

Communication with Duo continued. Letters, emails, phone calls, they kept coming, but Wufei could almost see his friend's health failing. Everything got shorter and although the devil may care was still there, it seemed muted somehow. Many times Wufei had asked Duo to come back and let Sally and him care for the sick man, but damn Duo's independent attitude, refused to be a burden to anyone. 

Then one day, long after the Winner-Barton episode, Heero Yuy Lowe showed up at Wufei's door.

~*~

Wufei smiled at the latest picture Duo send back. It was one of him back packing across Europe. He was in Greece at the moment. The smile faded as he noticed the pallor and the apparent weight loss on his friend. Wufei had a collection of such pictures, each of them telling him the progression of Duo's disease. He toyed, once again, with the idea of coaxing the man to get some medical help, but it was apparent he was going to be stubborn about it anyway. The ringing of the bell brought Wufei out of sad thoughts. After he pinned the picture up with the rest of them, he went answered the door.

He jaw worked silently as he realised who exactly it was outside his door.

"What the hell do you want, Mr Lowe?" Wufei bit out; his hands clenched with the effort of not tearing the man apart.

Heero didn't look that good. He had lost weight and had deep bruises underneath his eyes. The once piercing blue eyes looked lost and alarmingly blank. "I can't find Duo," he muttered plaintively, the pleading obvious in his entire body. 

Wufei, though still pissed as hell, felt himself moved by the depth of pain written all over Heero's features. He recognised that look. Duo was wearing it when he left a year and a half ago. That and the longing. "He doesn't want you to find him. You and everyone else," he told Heero firmly, pleased that it came out strong and clear, and not in a rant like he felt at the moment.

"I just need his email address. He changed it. He sold his house, his studio, everything. Please," Heero begged, dignity be damned. "I just want to… speak… see… I want to know he's okay," he managed finally, swallowing the lump in his throat. He looked about to burst into tears. And that was a first for Wufei. The proud Heero Yuy Lowe almost reduced to tears by his little brother.

"You should have thought of that before you crushed his spirit, you asshole," Wufei gave up on keeping his tone levelled. He wanted to kick Heero ass that day at the hospital and if eighteen months later he was given this opportunity, by hell he would take it.

"I was saving his freaking life!" Heero yelled, matching the Chinese temper for temper.

That caught Wufei completely off guard as he modulated his tone. "Explain."

Heero seemed caught. "If I do… would you tell me where Duo is?" His gaze lit with inner fire again at the mere thought of seeing the familiar form of the braided man.

"This is not a negotiation. You explain and then I'll decide if I want to tell you." Wufei knew he sounded like a petulant child, but he just couldn't get the pain on Duo's expression when he walked out his door. He moved aside and motioned for Heero to come in.

Once they were settled into the couch, Wufei tilted his head slightly, a signal for Heero to start.

Heero looked like he didn't where to begin and in a fit of frustration, raked his fingers through an already messy mop of hair. "I… "He took a deep breath. "I don't love Relena."

Wufei snorted scornfully. "Doesn't matter now, does it? You should have thought it out completely before you married her. I'm not a marriage counsellor. I have no interest in your marital problems."

"It has nothing to do with my marital problems!" Heero almost yelled, and then visibly strove to calm himself. "I didn't love Relena when I married her and…" He stopped Wufei who seemed to want to get an insult in sideways. "Let me finish before you pass judgement. It's true that I was with a lot for the two weeks before I got hurt. My father decided that he had enough of my being with Duo. He couldn't accept that I wanted this for life and I was actually homosexual instead of a poor, bored rich kid looking for some weird fetish in life."

Wufei was astounded. This was the first time he had seen so many words come from the normally silent man.

Heero lowered his voice, pain creeping to write itself all over his handsome face. "I was given an ultimatum, to form an alliance with the Peacecrafts through marriage to get a piece of land in Sanq as Relena's dowry or he would disown me." A sneer twisted Heero's lips. "I laughed at him. I knew he wouldn't cut me off and even if he did, it didn't matter. Duo was all I cared about. I would work at McDonald's if it meant being able to stay with him."

"Then, why…" Wufei trailed off, unable to find a proper sentence. He wanted desperately to hold on to his anger but that damned wistful expression of Heero's face when his mind eye ran through the memories of Duo was making it damned hard to hold on to it.

"When my father realised I intended to leave the company he gave me another ultimatum. Marry the bitch or Duo dies."

Wufei shot up from his seat, incensed. "I will kill that bastard!"

"I felt the same way. He showed me how he had toyed with Duo's life a few times, as a warning and Duo didn't even know he was that close to losing his life. Finally, I snapped. I told him to shove his threats and decided on asking Duo to marry me anyway." Heero's eyes clouded over, his mind delving into memories. "That night, I was going to ask him to marry me. That's what the ring box was for. Then I saw this man going after Dou from behind…." 

"And the rest is history," Wufei mocked. He wanted very much to kill someone right now. Duo had thrown his life away. He thought his life ended when Heero broke up with him. Wufei was sure he would fight his illness with tooth and nail if he knew Heero was waiting at the end of a very long and hard road. But instead, Odin Lowe had taken away his very reason for living.

"So, you see, I had to. I did it so Duo could live. I had to promise him I would never see Duo again," Heero whispered, hugging himself.

"So what has changed?"

Heero looked up and brightened. "My father has the land he wants firmly in his name and Relena wants a divorce. Guess she finally realised that she will never attract me in that way. Helps that I keep screaming Duo's name whenever she forces me to have sex with her." He quirked a small grin, but it faded when he saw the most incredulous look on Wufei.

The Chinese man collapsed into the chair and buried his face into his hands. For a moment there, Heero thought he was laughing, but watching Wufei's shoulder shaking, he realised with horror that the other man was crying. For a moment, Heero was shocked but soon a sudden terror gripped him. Only Duo could make Wufei lose control like that, well, Sally as well, but since Sally was completely fine…

"Wufei, where's Duo?" Heero voice came out as a high pitched squeak, but he made his intentions quite clear. His mind was in turmoil. Where was his lover? Had something happened to him? He had to squelch the desire to grab the man by the shoulders and shaking him. 

Wufei looked up, tears making tracks down his face. For that one moment, he looked years older and so _haunted. So damned haunted. He got up and pulled Heero with him, to his little wall all for Duo. His shrine. Never too early to start one, Wufei thought, then almost gave up to tears again. He studied Heero as he looked through the couple of dozen pictures carefully. The Japanese man was smiling genuinely, delight apparent. Then slowly a frown formed. Wufei had pinned up the pictures based on chronology. There were the earlier ones where Duo was happy and really enjoying his much deserved holiday and then there were the ones he received recently where he could see the forced smile the young man had on. Those were the ones that really hurt. It hurt Wufei that he couldn't be there with his little brother, and his little brother _didn't _want him there. His mind understood Duo wanted the dignity of control and not letting his friends see him failing and getting hurt by it, but his heart told his mind to go screw himself. His little brother had God knows how long left and he _needed_ to be with him. If only he could find Duo's sorry ass. All the letters had no return address and Wufei guessed Duo purposely did it that way._

"What's wrong with him?" Heero demanded, turning a pallid face to Wufei. His heart rate increased as he stared at the pictures. Duo didn't look well, he looked sick, he looked like… Oh God, he looked like he was dying.

"You married Relena to save his life," Wufei told him tonelessly. "You pushed him out of your life so he could live his. When you did that, he realised he had nothing left to live for. So he didn't go for chemotherapy."

Chemotherapy… The word screamed in Heero's ears. That's what a person needed when he had cancer right? But Duo didn't have cancer, did he? DID HE? His mind screamed but he had no ready answer. "What…" He stopped when his voice failed him. "What do you mean?" He successfully got his voice out on the second try.

"That night, when you got hurt, he was actually going to tell you that he had been diagnosed with bone cancer. Sally found out about it that night as well. She told me. He was going to decide if he wanted to fight it. Then you gave your little speech," that came out bitter. "He decided to crap it and live the rest of his life out the way he wanted it."

Heero could feel his legs shaking, his knees buckling. He fell to the floor before he could stop himself. What the hell had he done? He was killing Duo, he was killing the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world to be safe. "Why didn't you make him?" He whispered; eyes down cast. "Made him save his own damned life. Why?"

From above him, Wufei sighed, slumping over onto the wall. "We argued, yelled, cajoled, threatened and practically did everything humanly possible to make him change his decision. He is the most stubborn asshole ever to walk this Earth."

"I need to find him, tell him, and explain."

"Quatre has been trying for the past few months. I know generally where he is but that's all. He moves around too much."

Heero's head came up. "Quatre and Trowa know about this?"

"They didn't tell you?" Wufei had assumed there was still some kind of communication between them. Then he figured out the couple was probably pissed as hell with Heero as well.

"I guess the whole break up affected my reputation," Heero made a lame attempt at a joke and failed. "What are we going to do?" He asked, looking utterly lost.

Wufei hunkered down in front of him. "The only thing we can… Wait."

 tbc….

I promise, one more. Only one.


	20. Epilogue

Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or its characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi), major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

**Finding Heaven**

Epilogue: Finding heaven

So, I had finally come full circle. I had finally lost a bet with the Fates, with God and with everyone else I had thought to make a bet with. The Devil was probably licking his chops right now. He seemed to have more right to me then anyone else. I guess that was only right, after all, I did a lot of crappy things as a kid. So my little trip around the world got cut short when one day I just collapsed. Been in this damned hospital ever since. I had only meant to come back for a while to see Wufei and Sally and to catch up on things. I had heard Hilde married someone, a model or something and now was living in the lap of luxury. Too bad that didn't happen. I cursed my body for failing on me again.

Once I was in one place more than a few days at a time, Quatre had found me. Within twenty four hours, I had an armful of tearful blond. Try saying that three times fast. His normally quiet husband wasn't very far behind in that department either. They apologised, I accepted and we are once again the best of friends. Wufei and Sally came along not long after. To my utter surprise there was a little dragon with them. It was the littlest thing and totally adorable. Too bad I won't see him grow up. Wufei had explained the whole Heero thing to me and I thought I would weep from the whole irony of the situation. Too late, it was all too late.

Heero held me now, murmuring his apologies. I really wanted to tell him to let go and that his tears were getting icky, but I just decided to shut up and let things be for a while. Not much time to enjoy all this much longer.

"Heero, I don't blame you," I told him when he controlled himself enough to sit back into his chair. Quatre's chair or Wufei's chair… whatever.

"You should," he said in a small voice.

"And that would make you feel better?" I asked him, a little shocked. Where did he get all these weird ideas? Life was a little too short for me to be placing blame.

His head came up and there was naked pain within his lovely blue eyes. "It might."

I nodded sagely. "Fine, I blame you for the fact that I have cancer. Happy?" I smiled at him. Damn the pain was coming back. It caught me by surprise and I couldn't do anything but clench my teeth and tried to ride it out. I felt Heero's hands holding mine tightly. Something was pressed to my lips and I was forced to swallow. Pills, damn Heero, he was forcing them on me. I tried to fight him, but I was already too far gone with the pain and my failing body. To hell with it, and I swallowed with the help of some water. He continued to clutch me to him until the medication started to take the edge of things. It didn't fully work anymore and the doctors were considering something stronger, morphine, they said. Like bloody hell they would.

"That was cheap," I told him, tiredly. I always felt like a wrung out sponge after each attack.

"You needed it," he said simply, but I could still see the hurt in his eyes from watching me battle the pain. It was as if he was in pain himself.

"So what now?" I sighed deeply.

"Wufei told you about…" He trailed off.

About the whole 'I married someone else to save your sorry ass' thing. "Yeah, I've been informed," I smiled. 

"There's nothing I can do to change things now. But I can't help feeling as if I have inadvertently killed you," Heero whispered and as fuzzy as I was, I could hear the guilt in his tone.

"Gods," I burst out. "Heero, it had nothing to…." I trailed off, I don't lie remember? "Alright, it isn't your fault. I did some research; I saw the ravages of the treatment. More people die from the side effects than the disease itself. I had my fun Heero. It was enough."

"But we can't be together…" He was sobbing again. 

"What we had was enough," I told him firmly. "There's this Chinese saying that 'Fei likes to use. It is not for the forever, but opportunity of having it once before. Or something like that." I grabbed his hand. "Our time together was wonderful, Heero, even though the ending sort of sucked."

He moved to sit at the edge of my bed, his hand coming to stroke my face, my cheek, my jaw line. He seemed to need to touch me. Since it felt good, I didn't protest. I could see the sudden determination in his eyes as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar, battered velvet ring box.

"Isn't that?" I asked, the rest of it stuck stubbornly in my throat, along with the lump that formed there. Damn, now I was getting teary. I thought I was over the whole crying thing years ago. Only Heero had the power to do this to me.

Heero managed a small smile. "Yeah, I saved it." He opened it. 

My breath caught. It was two identical platinum bands, simple and elegant. Embedded in each was a small diamond. Two most enduring elements on this Earth. I took one and saw a simple inscription inside. 

_H & D Forever._

And it was dated three years ago.

Heero took it from me and lifted my left hand. "I know this may be a little useless now, but as you said, since nothing is forever…. Duo Maxwell, with this ring, I thee wed." And slid it onto my ring finger. It may have fit three years ago, but now it was caught on my knuckle. Still, it fit some what.

I lifted my hand, the drugs working with a vengeance now, rendering my mind a little blurry. The simple ring around my finger was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and probably ever will see. I didn't even know I finally lost control of holding in my tears. Heero wiped them gently away, this tender smile on his face that said everything.

Suddenly, I wanted this too; I wanted us to have some semblance of forever. A little weakly, I held my hand out to the remaining ring and Heero took it out for me, placing it in my hand. He reached out his left hand towards me and I grasped it.

"Heero Yuy Lowe," I slurred a little. "With this ring, I thee wed." I tried to slide it on, but I think I was too far gone. I felt his hand over mine, helping me wear it on him. I felt him lifting my hand and kissing it, kissing the ring he just put on me, then the identical one on his own hand. 

"Forever," he told him with the gentlest smile. 

I fought the sleep the drugs brought and returned the smile. "For as long as I can hold on," I told him drowsily.

His hand tightened. "No, I meant it. Forever. There will be no others."

I nodded, letting my eyes slid close. I really needed to sleep. If this time I don't wake up, I won't worry about not going to heaven.

Because, I think I just found it.

Owari.

Okay, for those with the question, did Duo die? (Say that fast three times). My answer is; everyone is born dying. Think about it.

Utsubame

October 2003


End file.
